Hi sisters, my 19 y.o. daughter works full time, does zero housework or help around the house. I have asked her to pay a lousy $20 per week to help with the cost of the household. This is just a token amount, all her housework, food & washing is done for her. She comes & goes as she wants & lives in a beautiful home. She refuses to pay it & I am sick of reminding her. My friends have said, she should move out, if she cannot respect your measly $20 per week. I am at my wits end with her & have stopped cooking for her. What should I do? Yes I have spoilt her, my mother was a witch & so hard on us, as children. So please b4 you ear bash me for being a bad mum, be nice.
9 Replies
Stop doing her washing number one. I’d also stop buying her toiletries, and I’d stop cooking for her. Tell her she pays the $20 a week or she needs to find somewhere else to live.
You may want to check out eviction laws in your state.
You've spoiled her. I haven't done my kids washing for years and they are 16 and 19. I have a rule where I don't make kids under 18 pay board but once they are an adult still living at home it's $100 a week. Stop doing it all for her and bump up the board, $20 is laughable.
I agree! Acts entitled because they’ve never been taught that mum isn’t there personal maid
All my kids paid board once they turned 18. Depending on their earnings they paid between 50 to 150 a week . It also included food. It's a walk in the park to pay such an amount as this than what it would actually cost them living in their own place.
She's way too kind asking for just 20 bux a week. She's still spoiling the little brat..
You've spoilt her. It's coming from guilt. Sure you want to do better, but this is too far and not good either, it's not good for her to make her like this.
Raise it to $50 and write it up on the fridge. When it gets to 200 unpaid take something valuable of hers. Don't let her fuck around being a spoilt brat.
Oh gosh I must be horrible I charge mine $75 a week 😳
I cook all meals. Wash all clothes. That covers everything they need you know Hot water. Internet. Foxtel. Netflix. Disney plus. All they need to do is keep room clean and put own dishes into dishwasher after dinner 🤷🏻♀️
Is she on an apprentice wage? Depending on income and if she's saving any money for something valuable, $20 could be ok. Personally, I'll just add board to the accounts I have to help my kids get a house deposit/pay uni fees/buy something else that helps them out. I don't actually need board so it's just a lesson in budgeting at the end of the day [they wouldn't know they'd get it back]. My alternative would be that they do chores that make my life easier and I don't charge board.
I have a very small child and I feel myself doing the exact same as you! Its so hard when we were treated poorly as kids, we want to give our kids everything we didn't have!!
I think if I were you I would change the wifi password, stop doing washing ect. And set out prices for all the stuff thats usually provided for her. For example, washing $5p/w cooking $10p/w and washing ect $10p/w . And perhaps set up a deduction for stuff, so $5 for vacuuming ect...
Good luck! I think sometimes we have to remind our selves as parents that taking a stand on something like this is going to help them in the long run, its not about getting money off them, its about setting them up for their adult life.
X
Hey mumma, I appreciate where you are coming from as my mum was a witch also but as Ive become an adult, I see the hard lessons she was teaching - there’s lessons in everything.
Since my daughter was about 14yrs old I’ve talked openly about bills etc, she’s joined me with food shopping and I’ve tried to teach her to be mindful of her money. Ive also made her take responsibility for her own washing and cleaning a few areas of the house - mindset - nothing is free in life - Hard work reaps the rewards.
At 16 we sat down and I showed her
My earnings and we worked out my budget together.. it was here I said she can’t have a job as I wanted her to finish school (I never finished - I got the job at 16 and left school).
At 17 she got herself a job - she wanted her own money. At this stage she only gets $50.00 a week from the job. There’s no point asking for board. I have openly told her depending on her wage, she will need to pay. She helps out around the house though - does lots of extra jobs and every now and then will grab bread or milk if I’m at work.
For your situation, can I suggest you download a rental agreement. Use this as a template to Make your own contract with her - if she moves out she’ll need to know about it anyway.
Be fair to yourself - show her the real cost of life - what you pay to support the house - tell her in a shared living arrangement she would need to bare her share. Show her the true amount - do not discount anything. From there, give her options. Options to accept a much higher boarding cost, more persons responsibility (cooking once a week, cleaning bathroom/toilet in rotation and doing her own washing. Negotiate between fair board if she does chores but if she doesn’t board will be higher - set timeframes.
You need to fast track teaching her about the next step.
If she refuses. Stand your ground and give her the ultimatum- this or move out. Give her an eviction date - stay true to it - if she is spoiled, then it’s gonna be hard work - this is where you need to stop being a friend first and be mother! - you need to be firm and committed or she won’t learn anything and you will continue the way that you are now.
I wish you luck, it’s never easy when we have to be a mum first and a friend after, but it’s our job to prepare best we can - Im sure you don’t want to be worrying who will look after you daughter, coz I can almost bet half the boys are also raised the same!
Im actually teaching my daughters boyfriend at the moment - he eats here - he too has to do the dishes.. it’s all about contributing in a family.