Loneliness

Anonymous

Loneliness

When does the feeling of loneliness go away? I'm 30, I've been single for 4 years now, I've lived through an abusive relationship. I'm a full time single mum to 2 kids, under 8. I also work fulltime in a busy supervisor role. Ive been on dates, hooked up with guys. They all give you the "I want more" speech and "I want committment" crap. You think oh, they seem nice. You meet up generally have sex then they fu#k off never to be heard of again. All the dating apps are shit they are mostly for hook ups. IM DONE with it all! My "friends" are assholes and think everything revolves around them. I try to distance myself and basically get told I'm a shit friend and havent been there for them. Not once do they ask me how I am or what is going on in my life. Not once do they rock up to my house to see how I am doing. Over the 15 odd years catching up is always at their house (because they can drink) I could probably count on 1 hand the amount of times they've come to mine. They ask me for help or whatever, I'm there. I'm always god damn there. But me I get nothing in return. I feel used all the time. I'm pretty certain I most likely have depression but am too stubborn to go to the doctor. I do it all alone. My parents help with the kids when they can by taking them to school or picking them up. But everything else is me. Sports training during the week. Sports on weekends. Finding time for groceries and cleaning and the want to cook dinner everynight is so hard. Most the time I make dinner just for the kids and couldnt be bothered eating myself. From the outside you would think I have the peefect life. I have a great job which I love, I'm well off with income. Great kids and life. Everything is masked with a smile and a bubbly personality. Deep down I am sad, sad to be doing motherhood alone, sad to be alone and not have someone to come home to. Sad that I would love to write myself off everynight just to drown the sorrows and forget. But know that if I did it won't help, it won't achieve anything. Everything will be the same tomorrow and I just keep on going. I thought I would have been married by now and have had more kids for sure. I get sad when others tell me they are having a baby because I want it to be me. When is it my turn? How do you get past it all?

Posted in:  Life Lessons

6 Replies

Anonymous

Same ive found it so hard to meet datable men after having kids. On one hand I feel kind of that my standards are really low, that i would settle for anything as long as its not bullshit, but it seems having a job, not being an alcoholic, being fairly switched on and just not a dick is quite a high standard after all!
No help but I have tried putting effort into dating, getting out and meeting matches for coffee not hookups. Ive also considered sharehousing with another single mum as a way to beat the boredom and loneliness.

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Anonymous

Time to make some new friends! I agree you do sound depressed, but I also understand your fierce independence and pride. It's what keeps you resilient and turning up every day. Rather than using dating apps (which I agree are just full of blokes looking for cheap sex) try joining some groups. Maybe related to your kids sport, or even something you've never tried but always wished you had - eg. craft or painting, bush walking or roller skating. There are some great local groups in FB of like-minded people (probably the only thing I actually like about FB) These groups often have offers of things to participate in, in real life. This is a great way to meet new friends and you never know you might make a 'special' friend too :)
If you're in Cairns, I'd be happy to say hi for a coffee. If you want, reply here and I'll send my details through Admin. After all this is a group of like-minded people ;)

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Anonymous

I'm exactly the same, 4 kids - 2 of which have medical issues with one of them being violent and still struggling to get a diagnosis, working full time and doing it all alone. My ex was extremely violent so I've also got ptsd from DV and that makes things harder. I pushed myself that far I was beginning to think ending things was my only way out. It got to the point that my boss pulled me aside and asked me if I wanted to be there, I burst into tears and said no so she let me go (she did it compassionately so I didnt have any problems with Centrelink etc for resigning) and honestly, I felt so relieved. Money has been tight, and it's been incredibly hard some days, but now I'm on antidepressants and I have time now to completely declutter my house and I can tell you now, that feels amazing. I'm not ready to look for work again, the thought gives me anxiety if I'm completely honest, so I'm slowly setting up a business I can do from home. It will take awhile but I'm hoping it will work out so I can stay home permanently. I never in a million years thought I'd be a single sahm of 4 kids, but here I am and I'm loving it. It will get easier Mumma, please go see someone and get some help because you can't look after your babies if you dont look after yourself first x

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Anonymous

And as for the dating part - nobody got time for that lol! It's been over 2 years since I was with a man and I'm honestly not bothered. I'm not a casual kinda gal and I've tried talking to men on dating sites but 4 kids is a lot lol so I've accepted I will probably be alone forever and end up with a million cats lol! Try not to focus on the things you dont have and be proud of what you've achieved alone x

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Anonymous

Firstly don’t have sex at the beginning. That’s How you find the good guys wanting to build a connection first.
Having a man at home can be a pain in the bum, a lot of them aren’t that helpful!

You are doing great! Well done on your achievements!
Try find a man to chat with to start.
Think outside the box. Goodluck

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Anonymous

Truthfully, I'm not sure that the loneliness ever goes away. I understand how you feel. I can go into a place that is filled with people and I will still be the loneliest one there. I get the stubbornness and the pride of not wanting to go to a doctor and have them diagnose you with depression, I've been down that path myself as well. In the end, I did go though and I've found out since, that not only do I have depression, anxiety and agoraphobia, I also have PTSD, due to the abusive relationships I've been in, in the past.

As for your friends, it seems to me, that to them, you are what is known as a 'Clayton's friend', the friend they want/need, when they want or need something from you. Truthfully, those sorts of people are toxic and you'd be better off without them. I know that sounds harsh but it's just one person's opinion. There are plenty of people on this sort of medium that can relate to what you are saying and that would love to help support you and be the friend that you need and/or want, if you are willing.

At the end of the day though, you are doing a fantastic job and being the best person, not just a mum, because you are more than just a mum, that you can be. You have a roof over your head, you have food in your children's and your belly (when you aren't too tired to eat) and you have clean clothes on both you and your children, for that alone, you are awesome and keep up the good work mumma!

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