Hi I’m in my 40’s with kids dont live near my mum but we are quite close with phone calls all the time. But We have always clashed. She is very old school, thinks she can tell me what to do with my kids or in life in general. Complains about everything I do, never a positive thing to say about me and my parenting when eveyone else does. I do limit contact, not afraid to speak up to her. We fight get over it in 5 mins but she still treats me like I am 5. What she says is best. I feel like I am still a kid.
Do others have mother’s that treat them like this well into their 40’s. In my entire life, I can’t think of many positive things that she has said to me. She has a bit of a negative mindset. It does affect me and I usally hang up on her or hold the phone out or argue with her but then we are all good next day but it does stay with me and leaves me questioning everything i do.
Someone could be giving me a compliment and she steps in and says something completely to shut it down or changes it. I don’t think she knows how to compliment.
We are close that is the worst part of it all but I can’t handle being treated like a kid. Am I the only one. Is anyone else treated like a kid when they are grown adults. I’m sure it is just how she was raised but it can be quite embarrassing in front of People.
I never want to be this person to my kids.
3 Replies
Tell her what she's doing to you then give yourself a break from her for a week or two. Block her number for it. It will give her time to think about what you said instead of it getting lost and forgotten in amongst her nagging. Then just have weekly contact. If she changes then you can up it but I would leave it as weekly until then. Stand up for yourself too, if she puts you down correct her.
My mum is like this too but it doesn’t bother me as much. I just take her advice and criticism with a grain of salt. You never stop being a mum, she’s just doing what she knows.
I found it helpful to have time outs where I wouldn’t talk to her for a period of time after she had been particularly cruel. After a while of this she stopped doing it. Sounds like some boundaries need to be set.
I have a twin brother like this, who I love dearly and am very close too but any conversation we have about kids or my life he feels he has to give me his very outdated opinion on what he'd do (as if he knows the answers) also I might add he doesn't even have kids of his own grrrr so I get frustrated, we argue. It ends in me asking him to leave... I've tried assertively (and politely) explaining to him that I don't share his life philosophies or parenting style... And that I'm not a actually asking for advice...I am just venting. But that didn't work he CANT help himself. So I decided to stop sharing that part of my life with him. It seems to be the only way we can have a relationship without conflict, so I suggest you just keep the convo with your mum simple and never discuss the complicated details of motherhood or anything that will give her an opportunity to bite cos she will never be able to hold her tongue. Hope that helped xx