My husband of 10 years has a temper and really bad communication skills. He has never hurt me but he yells, talks over me, swears, ignores, slams things around the house, acts aggressively and belittles.
I have repeatedly told him not to disrespect me like that and have made it clear that it’s not the model of a marriage that I had growing up. I have also told him that I don’t want our kids (boy and girl) growing up thinking this behaviour is normal or acceptable.
His usual response is, “if you don’t like it / if I’m so abusive, leave!”
Tonight it happened again. It’s usually at night after he has had way too many beers (which is another story- weeknights he usually drinks 6-8 beers a night and weekends are much more). I’ve spoken to him about cutting back on drinking or only drinking on weekends and his response is the same as mentioned above, “if you don’t like it, leave!”
I know this is only a small snapshot of our relationship and you all can’t know what I should do but: Should I leave? Would you leave? Why does he keep saying that instead of just wanting to treat me better?
I’m upset and confused. If someone I loved told me that they felt disrespected and unloved from a behaviour I was doing I would stop, unless I didn’t give a shit about them... maybe that’s what’s happening here.
5 Replies
I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately that is abuse and you’re right he just doesn’t care enough to change.
It wears you down overtime and leaves you empty and emotionally drained.
From my experience it escalates over time aswell.
No one can make the decision of what happens but you xx
I left and am thriving but sadly my kids have a lot of issues and years of counselling after growing up with an abusive father.
I would leave. He’s a pisspot and an abuser.
Call his bluff babe and follow through . He will crawl back but keep that bluff alive so give him the shock he's been asking for and go. Have the last laugh and call it. I know I would.
He is an alcoholic! I would leave. My husband drinks just the same but he has cut back since I have told him I will be out with the kids. He doesn’t drink nearly as much now. Yes he works hard but I can’t stand the alcohol, doesn’t know when to stop. He isn’t abusive though. I would be gone the minute he spoke to me in this way. I wouldn’t allow my kids to see it.
No maybe about it. That is precisely what's happening here.
"You ARE that abusive and if the only option if I don't like it is to leave, then it's time. I can't keep waiting for you to understand how deeply hurt I am and I now accept that you're not going to offer any alternative. We need to discuss who is moving out and get the ball rolling on mediation."