My family and I have moved interstate for my work and the job I am in is not what I wanted it to be and is affecting me physically and mentally; I’m really not happy. I want to move back to our hometown interstate but my fiance is really happy where we live and wants to see the year out. I don’t think I can do another 6mths but I know his mental health was significantly affected in our hometown. We had a pretty good thing going before we left and now that I’m working my fiancé wants to keep that going but I’d love to stay as a stay at home mum and homeschool my 4 children. He gets frustrated when I try to talk to him about it and I feel like I have no choices because he will be angry. I feel like my life is going past so fast and I am missing my time with my family. I’d also love to have another baby but have been told it’s not going to happen from my fiancé. I’d love some advice on what you would do in my situation.
7 Replies
Ok first thing, forget about another baby! You aren't in a good headspace right now and it wouldn't be fair to bring another baby into this.
You need to get your mental health under control. Have you seen someone professionally to help?
I think homeschooling wouldn't be good for you until you get your mental health sorted as well. Maybe you could look for another job?
Do you ever do things on weekends that are exciting and you look forward to? Making good memories outside of the house out and about is great for everyone.
Stop allowing him to make to choices. You are talking about his mental health but what about yours. Stick it out and make the most of what you have now but change jobs, make him change jobs anything so you can be home. This is about you too not just him and too bad if he gets angry. Stand up for yourself.
It sounds like neither of you is listening to the other and you both want to have your own way. I honestly think you should seek couples counselling so that you can work through your issues and actually hear what the other has to say with an impartial person to help guide the conversation that knows the specifics of your lives. We could all give opinions but we’re only hearing your side and I feel there’s a lot more to this story
Can you afford to stay home?
I don’t know when working became a volunteer thing or hobby, but I know I have to push past my anxiety every day and go to work.
Do I want to?
No.
Do we need to eat?
Yes.
Always find a new one before you quit the old one.
Look for another job. They moved for you. Your partner has settled, you don't mention the kids but I assume they have too. Don't upend their lives - again - because the job wasn't what you wanted, find another one and give the area a go.
Have you guys discussed goals? Like financial goals? Family goals? Relationship goals?
Are you working to provide a more comfortable lifestyle? Is your wage the difference between living and existing? If you stop working do you lose a car, have to move to a cheaper house, forego holidays?
What he wants matters too.
Start hashing out the details. Maybe later you'll get what you want. This isn't the right way or the right time if he's pushing back.
I think since you've all made a massive move for your job you owe it to your family to see through the year and re evaluate then.
You moved your entire family to another state and now say you want to go back home, away from their friends and school and probably just finding their feet at their new school. Change jobs if you really hate the one you have but give the place a real go, you owe your family that. It can be really hard moving away from the place you lived forever so give yourself time to get used to everything and adjust. Home schooling is hard work and not for everyone, you can still spend time with your kids without risking their education and social skills.