TW abuse and moving forward

Anonymous

TW abuse and moving forward

I fell in love with a man, that emotionally abused and threatened mine and my sons safety (threatening to shoot myself and my child) with the blame of it being from using steroids, depression, medication. 2 years back and fourth, the police put a protection order in place. Our contact between each other became hit and miss, it was a world win of emotions, threatening, accusing and blame. I met a man through him, to which I consoled in and fell in love with. Much to his hatred, he didn’t like this, the threats became again, and emotional abuse followed, that everything he ever did to me was nothing compared to myself falling in love with a man he introduced me to. the threats continued to follow, to yet myself and my son again because of me moving on with someone he knew, and it never competing to what he did to me, that I destroyed him and his mental health, and I deserve the repercussions of this. the police tend to think the whole situation is him talking out of ego, and won’t breech him. he has verbally said the dvo will not stop him or the people that he knows. why do I feel guilty for moving on, why do I feel like the one that deserved everything that I had been dealt, and why do I feel so crazy. I have tried to cut contact; but he finds a way of contacting or a way to make me feel fear, to which I cave in and just communicate so I know where he is at all times. I don’t know the point to this message, but I have no one to talk to, no one that can relate, no one to listen. I feel alone in this madness and it’s sending me into a dark place. :(

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour

10 Replies

Anonymous

Take the breach to a different police officer. Preferably one in a DV unit.
What state are you in?
As someone who has been through the EXACT situation you are in, thr police told me the breach is based on what it caused me to feel Eg: fear, intimidation etc.

Call 1800 RESPECT. its a family violence hotline. They are wonderful to talk to.

Also the police should of referred you to domestic violence support services? Did this happen?

A GOOD GP can also help.

I know you probably feel sooo so lost and overwhelmed right now, but you also need to try and be strong and advocate for yourself too. And trust me I know that sounds like a huge ask. You need to yell out for ALL the help. Xxxxxx

I wish this shit didn't happen to women. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

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Anonymous

They referred me to a service but it was within their police station, so I felt like my comments felt on deaf ears. They supplied me with a DV watch, but I haven’t needed to use that, and it’s only used in the case I’m kidnapped or he approaches me. Apart from that, they linked me with no one, and I was left on my own devices. They persistently harassed me in the hope I would do more for them, then just protecting myself, they wanted information on him about things he was doing, that I didn’t want to be dragged into, I just wanted myself and my child to be safe and out of the situation. But I just feel lost, confused, that it’s all my fault.

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Anonymous

Firstly, it is not your fault! I want you to keep reminding yourself this is not your fault! Xx

When you say thr police wanted you to "do more for them" do you have an example of what they expected from you?

If you are in NSW please google WDVCAS. Its a women's DV service.
If you are in VIC google The Orange Door. Its a Family violence service that will help you.
Also call 1800 Respect because they also may be able to link you to support services in your area. I'm so disappointed the police didn't prioritise your wellbeing and link you with a service to provide you support and advocate on your behalf.

Are you seeing a counsellor?

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Anonymous

Because he is known to police, they wanted me to try and get information on his criminal activities, or try and gain information on his criminal activities and associates, to which I refused to be involved in. They then contacted all my family, to try and get me to come into the police station.

I was seeing a counsellor, but felt like it was going backwards and forwards and not progressing anywhere.

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Anonymous

The new guy isn’t one of his “associates” is it?
Please stay safe and be careful who you let into your life, you’re extremely vulnerable right now. A person who consoles you shouldn’t be starting a relationship with you, they should let you heal.
The lady above has given you some great contacts, good luck, sending you light and love x

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Anonymous

Oh love,

I also hope the person you sre now with isnt one of his criminal associates xx. I mean that with concern for your wellbeing as I could imagine how vulnerable you are right now.

I have been to 15 different counsellors/psychologists since I was 14 years old. Im 32. Some haven't been the right fit. Others I felt didn't have the right expertise. Others had provided all the tools they could and I needed a fresh perspective.
My point is, don't give up on counselling. You may just not have found the right professional. Xxx

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Anonymous

He isn’t one of his criminal associates, but was once one of his good friends, but hasn’t been associated or had contact with him or anyone else associated with my ex for a long time, my ex put a priced bit out on myself and my partner and the police still won’t do anything, and he made it known of this all over public forums.

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Anonymous

I have taken a step back from my current relationship to heal, and seek help for my current mental status, my partner is being very accomodating and is allowing me the time to heal. He was my biggest supporter in reaching out and trying to talk to the police about what’s going on.

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Anonymous

Good....You need to focus on just you and your son and getting your ex out of your life. You need to rebuild your life alone, with your son and get your strength back. Lean in to close friends and family, who have no agenda, not another man. If he really cares, he’ll understand and if you’re both still single later down the track, you can reconnect. Starting a relationship as a wounded bird and him the white knight is never good. Consider helping the police, to get your ex put away.

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Anonymous

I feel for you but it sounds as though the police are trying to help you get this man, help them. They can’t help you unless you help them too. It is a bad situation to be in but go through with it and end it once and for all

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