Would you move or not?

Anonymous

Would you move or not?

Hey Ladies. Has any one here moved for their partners work?

Here's my situation: I've been with my partner coming up 6 years. I have 2 kids that aren't his. We both work - me from home and him for a big brand company. We currently live week to week. We have debts, rent, bills, cars and everything else everyone has.

He has been offered a position in a remote town within the company with more pay (not by much) but also rural expenses on top of that. He has a 5 year goal of buying our own house and thinks taking this position will help us achieve that goal.

Now he either takes this position, we all move to a remote town where rent prices are 3 x more and the same for living expenses. Uproot the kids (at the detrement of their mental health aswell) to a town we have never been to and the reputation is not that great either.

Or he goes alone, he pays rent and living expenses and we stay and pay rent and living expenses which I don't see how that would get us ahead with 2 x rent + 2 x living expenses. He is only allowed 2 x a year paid  flight's home so we would only see him maybe 4 weeks a year.

He is 100% certain this is the only way to get ahead and achieve the 5 year plan and has pretty much packed his bags and signed the dotted lines. He's going and it's now up to me to decide if we go with him, or we stay behind.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that either scenarios won't get us ahead or is he being selfish and not thinking this through properly? What would you do?

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

9 Replies

Anonymous

Doesnt seem like itll get you ahead, its not more pay, its bloody expensive to live there and to get in and out.
Sit him down and go over the financials.
Its fine for him to take it just because of the opportunity but you have more to think about.
I would relocate and go remote, but the circumstance has to be right for the kids and has to be beneficial.

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Anonymous

Wow, he sounds incredibly selfish for just upping and doing it without full consideration, however I wouldn't be inclined to say he actually is being selfish because in his mind, this is doing things to hopefully progress you guys down the future.

I probably couldn't uproot my kids ultimately though, sorry to say :(

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Anonymous

I think he’s decided he’s going no matter what, and so he is selling both options (which are ridiculous) but what he is really saying is ‘I’m going no matter what’

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Anonymous

I think he decided he is going and you decided you aren't by the sounds of that. There was no team decision here. You didn't want to go. He does.

Did you compromise on any of it? I know it doesn't seem logical but I know I'd try and be flexible and see my partners point of view if this were his new job offer and I'd try and make a compromise. I know if I just said a flat NO, then he'd probably turn around and pack his bags too because I didn't bother trying to see his perspective.

Sounds like neither of you wanted to compromise

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Anonymous

Sounds like you read this the wrong way.

I didn't say I had flat out said no at all. I also didn't say I decided I wasn't going. If you read it correctly there is a scenario that we do go with him, however, does us doing the move put us ahead financially? I also am trying to be flexible but also be realistic as I do see his point of view.

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Anonymous

Your kids are your number one priority.

I personally wouldn't ever uproot my kids whole lives unless it greatly benefited them.

Moving to an expensive, rural/remote, less than desirable area and ending up in the same or maybe slightly better financial position doesn't sound like much of a benefit.
I don't know how old your kids are but living rurally dramatically reduces their opportunities (education and employment just for few examples).

Quite frankly, if I was in your position I wouldn't even entertain the idea of moving the kids.

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Anonymous

Sounds like he is running away. Moving won't solve your money issues. Get The Barefoot Investor book and go from there. Absolutely life changing without leaving home :)

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Anonymous

You already have your mind made up by the way you wrote the post. You're not willing to give it a chance. You seem sure a move would be detriment to their mental health yet you haven't even tried. Also the reputation of the town? The town is what you make it.

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Anonymous

Don’t do it. Not worth it. It’s obvious why you shouldn’t.

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