Not attracted to my husband anymore?!


Not attracted to my husband anymore?!

I’ve been with my husband 10 years, we have 4 kids together and are both in our early 30s.
We have been through a lot over the last few years with him being emotionally involved with another woman. We went to counseling and I thought we’re starting to improve our marriage and work through the issues.
Lately I’m finding myself not attracted to him. Everything he does seems to be repulsive to me, I’m so disconnected when we have sex and I cant get into it or seem to enjoy it. I’d never be unfaithful but I have after 10 years found myself looking at other males where as I never have really before In the way I do now.
I havnt spoken to my husband about it because I don’t want to upset him and he is a very jealous person, I can’t even talk to another male without him making it a issue or having to be right by my side. Even with his close friends this is a issue. I’m generally a happy friendly person which does come across to some as flirtatious.
I really don’t even know what my question is but I needed to get out to someone how I’m feeling and if it’s normal?!

2 Replies


I felt this way with my ex husband (he physically cheated). His touch repulsed me. We had been together for 10 years, married for half that and had a 4 year old child. He started noticing my lack of affection towards him and became quite controlling and abusive towards me. He decided if i wasn’t going to willingly have sex with him, he would make me because as his wife i owed it to him. I left him after this.
Not saying your situation will progress to the level mine did, but my best advice is Leave now, you have so much of your life left to live, don’t waste it on someone who you can’t stand.


I feel like I could have written this.

2 children.
10 years together.

He has lost ALL of my trust when he was messaging women for nudes on FB/Snapchat.

He has the audacity to think that that is OK! When he KNOWS I’m against it.

But, I’m too scared to leave.
I have no job.
I have no family or friends.
I’m scared he’ll do something stupid if I leave.

I too see myself eyeing other men.
Fantasising about them when I do things.
I can’t even have sex without feeling repulsed with my partner. But it’s only like once a month, and maximum 5 minutes, so I just lay there, trying to imagine it’s someone else.

I do not condone cheating in the slightest, but I’m finding myself wondering if I’d even stop myself if someone else tried to advance on me.

I sometimes wish HE’D cheat, so I could kick him out, but I know I can’t provide for my kids.

I also have so many insecurities, so I’m afraid I’ll never find love again, so just deal with it.

So to me, what you’re feeling is ‘normal’, if you’re in a toxic, loveless relationship.

Ask yourself if you love him. Genuinely love him. If your answer is ‘No’, then it’s time to leave if you have the means.

I know my answer is ‘no’. 😢