I have 3 pre-teen children who have been living with me during the weeks, then visiting their father for regular weekends. Around 11 months ago, their father stopped taking the children for their weekend visits, as he didn't like that I said no to a change that he was bullying me into. I requested on multiple occasions to discuss the matters so that we could arrange regular care of the children again, but he refused to. He went 10 months without any visits with our children.
I finally was able to arrange mediation with him, but only to learn that he is about to embark on a 5 - 10 year road trip around Australia with his new partner and their 2 young children, as of September this year. He will be leaving our children with me full-time. He has suggested that they visit him along his journey maybe twice a year, if it is in his budget and ability to transport them to wherever he is. He has started seeing the children for some weekends again, but the children are struggling with their emotions between visits. They are absolutely devastated that their dad is taking off like this and won't be spending any regular time with them. Essentially he won't be returning until our children are adults. I have been taking our children to counselling and will continue to do so. They keep asking why he is doing this to them. The father hasn't left yet, so I am sure their emotions will become stronger when he does.
The father has also been working hard to pay as little child support to my children as possible. He has been falsely making up 'school expenses' and reporting them to child support to be in lieu of paying child support (to note, I pay all expenses, including all school expenses). He declares as little income as possible due to running his own business. Overall, I don't care about the money, but I care deeply that he is working hard to not support our children in any form.
What I am seeking here is help on how to look after my children and I, as we enter a full-time living arrangement together. Are there any avenues for financial support in a situation like this? The father won't be working regularly while he is travelling, so we will be on our own with all finances. Also, has anyone found any useful resources or groups for solo-parenting? I have had a 10 month taste, but I am about to enter it for ... well, ever. ... There goes dating ever again!!
Thank you <3
2 Replies
There is zero extra help for your situation other than what is currently available to you, assuming you have updated centrelink and csa on the 100% care and child support amount. I was in the exact situation but my ex wasn't going on a trip around aus he was just living a few towns away which I think made that pill harder to swallow. He cut our kids off at 12 and 14 because of an argument with me over child support. No great loss to me because I already knew what kind of dead beat monster he was, my kids on the other hand still didn't know and felt his absence at a time in their lives when they really shouldn't have felt it. My kids hit rock bottom, I was on suicide watch with my 14 year old for a long time it was the worst most helpless thing I have ever been through and I couldn't get him help because he wouldn't leave the house. Oh sorry, I did one time get him to our local mental health service and he was treated like a liar and a fake, ended up having a massive meltdown in the middle of the hospital so they made him an appointment to see an actual psychiatrist but he of course wouldn't go because of being treated like a liar at the last appointment. So yeah, I have a lot of faith in our mental health system! Help didnt come until he was 18 and I managed to find a dr that he would see, then got him into a privately run counselling service who were brilliant. Be prepared for a rollercoaster. Try and be their strength through this time, strengthen other relationships like grandparent, aunties, uncles, friends. Keep them busy make sure they know they are loved and have done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve being abandoned, this is their fathers fault nobody elses.
Thank you. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation and thank you for the heads up. I'm struggling to process this situation. It's going to be a tough journey, but I am doing all I can to make sure my kids are surrounded by loving and supportive friends.