I am lost. I’ve just found out I am pregnant, very early days... to a man I have been cheating on my husband with. I’m not proud of any of this, I’m just falling into a hole.
None of this was planned but clearly not actively avoided. I know I need to have an abortion. I just don’t know whether I am meant to tell this guy? Or I can keep this to myself?
I am a mother of 3. This is killing me and I just don’t know where to turn. I feel completely alone and lost.
I don’t even know what I am asking. I just need to write it somewhere and get it out.
32 Replies
There is no good reason to tell the guy if you are having an abortion. It will just hurt him and complicate things further.
If you decided to have the baby or put up for adoption, then you should absolutely tell him to give him the chance to raise the baby himself or co-parent.
Please check yourself into counselling so you can stop this destructive behaviour and get your birth control sorted!
Oh honey you are not the first person to do this and you won’t be the last. I agree with the other response that it’s your decision and if you want to tell him do it after you’ve made up your mind. Find a counsellor to talk to to get you through this time. I wouldn’t advise confiding in a friend or family member because I don’t believe most are capable of staying completely impartial and eventually someone opens their mouth. If you are going to out yourself do it on your terms. If you choose to have the baby and keep it a secret then there’s long term concerns to consider. Thinking of you. Xx no judgment here
Don't tell him. There is no need.
You DO need to tell your husband you have been cheating though.
First of all, sort out the termination if thats your choice. You dont need to tell him. Telling your husband should be your top thought.
I assume theres no real future with the sideguy? I mean the whole things built on lies and deceit anyway so it really doesnt matter adding this to it. Just sort yourself out. Leave him behind you and have ghe decency to sort your marriage out.
Thank you for your comment.
No future with either unfortunately.
Its not unfortunate. The choices that led to the end of your marriage being so ugly are sad. But you dont love him and he deserves better, to be physically safe from disease at the very least.
And the side guy, well, wont waste my time.
Not unfortunate though. The end of a mess should feel good. Its a chance to refocus. Do some reflection and personal growth and make your life how you want it.
Unfortunate was just a poor choice of words with how I’m thinking at the moment.
WHY do you “need to have an abortion”?
Fancy killing your unborn son or daughter to cover up adultery?
I hope both men find out about the rooting AND the abortion and leave your cheating ass.
Thank you for your helpful comment. Kick them whilst they’re down. Perfect.
I can’t have any more healthy children due to a medical condition. So having an abortion is my only option.
OP you don't need to justify shit to this nasty keyboard warrior who CLEARLY lives a perfect life without ever making a single mistake.
If I fell pregnant too, I'd straight up have an abortion simply because I don't want any more children. Contraception doesn't always work and sometimes humans slip up on using protection (my husband is also snipped but I'm just paranoid lol). However it happened, it happened and its your body and your right to make the decision.
I am so sorry you're going through this, I can't imagine where your head is at.
I wanna scoop you up and give you the biggest hug. I judge someone harsher for looking down their nose at people than I would someone in your position. I hope you're eating well and getting some sleep. Take care of yourself. ❤
What if the hubby she’s screwing was your hubby? Would you want to give her a big hug then? Noo i don’t think so.
Abortion is not the only option you can have the baby adopted urgh . I cant have ant more children and so i hope the posters husband finds out
Really?? 🙄 her choice not yours.
Luckily you can’t have anymore kids.. your attitude is disgusting.
Nasty bitch! What crawled up your arse and died.
This is completely unnecessary. I bet you wouldn't say this to someone if you weren't hidden behind anonymity, you nasty piece of work.
She's the same cunt who always comes on here all full of hatred for women who abort. Ive regularly seen her posts. I don't agree with an abortion myself in this manner and the way you have gone about this situation but I'd never talk down to you in such hate like the Gutter Rat above. Sounds like she's triggered coz she's aborted before and regrets it now. Her personal hate is none of your business and everything to do with herself which I'm sure some Psychiatric help will get to the 'root' of.
I assumed she was religious or was raised with religious values.
I’m an atheist and never was religious.
I’ve never aborted.
Omg...
I don't believe in sugar coating your words but I don't believe in bringing in emotional blackmail into it either.
I HOPE you get some help for your deep seated hate on others.
Not agreeing with killing your unborn son or daughter isn’t hatred.
My first thought was why do you need to have an abortion.... The wording implies that isn't what you want. But you mentioned below medical issues so that makes sense.
Personally, I'd tell my husband because she he deserves to know. I'd tell the father too probably because if there is a medical reason for termination he can't really argue the choice because it isn't a choice... He could go with you though. It's important for him to man up I think because a lot of people who would normally support you might struggle to n this situation because they feel for your husband.
You might then want to look at counselling available in your area and hobby or activity groups available in your area etc. You'll need social interaction while everything implodes and the people that love you may have to work through their own emotions about things before they can be truly supportive of yours. Though if those around you see affairs and divorce etc as something that just happens they might not have an issue and will be there for you.
Don't forget, learning from this situation doesn't require you to hate yourself. Treat yourself kindly
You do remind me of a former best friend of mine, who was cheating and said she got pregnant.
You do have to do what's right by you and in this case, those of who your choices affect.
First off, get the pregnancy confirmed by your doctor if you haven't already. You've been pregnant before so your husband will know.
I would start communicating with your husband. Why do you feel compelled to cheat? You might need to get some proper counseling here. Ultimately, your husband isn't making you cheat. That's a choice you're making. You've got to figure out why and what you want. Your husband should also be apart of that discussion.
As for your boyfriend, I think you need to be transparent. The fact you're living a lie, is a huge problem and the pregnancy is a result of whatever is going on with you. So until you figure out your plan, if you have no intention of anything meaningful in that relationship, it's better for everyone to know where they stand.
You might want to consider a reliable source of birth control. I read somewhere above that pregnancy is medically unsafe for you? I would get a semi permanent form of contraceptive.
You need to put a stop to all this before you loose control of your life.
Make today the day you’ve hit rock bottom.
Extract yourself from this mess, work through it the best way for all and vow to make better choices in the future.
Be accountable, accept where the chips land.
For once, be proud of the woman you see in the mirror.
Do better, we are all capable of change, you’ve got this.
If a woman wrote she just found out her hubby cheated got her pregnant, you’d all be beating him up telling her to dump him and leave, she deserves better. Yet you all say poor you?? No not poor you. You’re married, cheating, fell pregnant now aborting. You knew it was wrong you knew there’s always a chance of pregnancy and you still took it. Sorry only feel sorry for the baby and hubby and your other children. Get a divorce , let hubby find a woman he deserves and let you go be with the trash you wanna be with. Pathetic two faced people on here!
How is it fair to the innocent child growing in your womb because you decided to cheat?!?!
It’s not but people make mistakes. You don’t know what her reasons were.
She mentioned in a previous comment that it's for medical reasons that she needs to abort
Personally if you are definitely not keeping it, DO NOT TELL!
You obviously have no problem keeping secrets, what's one more.
You made your bed........
I think you need to take time out and take a real hard look at yourself. What you are doing is hurting several people not just you.
You need to ask yourself why you’re considering termination. Is it because you don’t want another baby or is it because you don’t want to face your husband? Does the other man know you’re married? Because cheating aside, being careful was his responsibility too. Takes two to tango. If you don’t want to be with your husband, now is the time to break it off. If you really know you want to terminate, I wouldn’t tell either man about the pregnancy. But please get some counselling. You can’t be with both men. Maybe you need to leave both of them. Good luck
From what I can see here and what I’ve read below in the posters comments that there is no future with either man so you need to inform both men of this. I feel that you are probably too scared to be alone and this is why you cheated to test the waters out with someone else before leaving your husband. And in the meantime a pregnancy occurred resulting in a nightmare situation. I don’t personally believe in abortion but if you cannot carry due to medical reasons I guess you have no choice in this and a baby added into the mix when you’ve just become single with 3 kids won’t be easy. Don’t string your husband along by staying with him if you don’t love him. If you do love him and want to work it out be honest with him about everything. Get rid of the other guy ASAP as him knowing and then you aborting won’t help him at all. While you are still married and living in the same roof have respect and tell your husband what’s happened. And then move out. Find a place of your again and start afresh.
Oh, you poor love. That is really, REALLY tough. I can sense your pain, fear, shame and confusion in your post.
There is no one right way to handle this. It is whatever feels right for you. People will be upset no matter what you do, so follow what’s right for you and not for them
All the women who are acting pious and holier than thou, probs have some secrets that they wouldn’t want judged either.
Don’t it define you. X