I lost my partner to suicide almost 7 years ago now.
We had not discussed, or put in place any provisions for a will nor our wishes for when we pass.
At the time of making the funeral arrangements, both my partners father and mother (separated) we there and we made all of these decisions together. During this decision I expressed that I believed he would want for his body to be cremated and his ashes scattered at some point. Everybody agreed with this.
The ashes have been at my home during this time. I have discussed with his father about my wishes to scatter the ashes at sea nearby to our home as he loved fishing and surfing. He had said whatever my choice is they will respect that.
My brother in law, and my mother in law are a different story. I only have recently had a conversation with her about what we should do. This was following a discussion that her son has had with her, that he feels like he can only properly mourn his brother is there is a gravesite that he can visit.
She now tells me that she wouldn’t feel right visiting a place by the ocean and that any of her family that were cremated were buried? She also suggested that we maybe share the ashes around each of the houses say every 6 months or so.
I do not feel comfortable with either of these suggestions and truely think for him to be free we just need to scatter the ashes.
I don’t have the best relationship with my brother in law and have felt disrespected by him a lot since my partner has passed. Example made comments that because we weren’t married that my choices are irrelevant (were engaged for 7 of the 10 years together).
I have always said that I would keep everyone involved in this decision, but am at a point now where I just want to make the choice to scatter the ashes at sea and just do it with my two sons.
I feel like this will be a fight I can never win with him.
What is the right thing to do 😢