How much information is enough information?
My 11 year old is going through puberty. I really wanted to keep our chat about it age appropriate so I have told her the very basics about it. I've talked to her about periods and explained she will bleed a bit from her bottom from time to time and she will grow hair in places. She seemed happy with that explanation and didn't have any questions.
My own mother thinks that isn't enough information and that not using books to help her understand it is stupid. It is causing a bit of drama between us. I've bought her pads and stuff and packed bits in her backpack incase she gets a period at school. My mother is telling me I should be doing more and that just giving her a brief explanation and buying the products isn't enough.
Am I crazy, am I wrong here?
19 Replies
I don’t think you should be telling her she will bleed from her bottom. She needs to be made aware that the bleeding will be from her vagina. Otherwise she’s in for a bit of a shock when it starts.
If you’re not comfortable giving her a more detailed explanation then buy her a book like Girls Stuff by Kaz Cooke. She can read through at her own leisure when she is ready. And then she can approach her teenage years with an understanding of how her body works.
I think your mum's right on this one.
Not only is it imperative to give girls enough information, but it's absolutely crucial that they're given correct information!
Misinformation creates confusion, shame, stigma and it can even be dangerous.
She's not going to be bleeding from her "bottom", she'll be bleeding from her uterus, the blood will exit her vagina.
Female anatomy is quite complex, so it is really important she has a firm grasp on it. I know some grown women who didn't know the difference between their vulva and their vagina, women who didn't know that urine comes out of the urethra and NOT the vagina, women who went undiagnosed with things like endo and pcos for years because no one ever told them what was or wasn't normal.
And given that my high school had so many pregnant girls, some who were as young as grade 7 and 8, it would be wise to start introducing things like reproduction, consent and safe sex at some point in the near future too.
There are a lot of books that have all the age appropriate but necessary information. Buy a couple and give them a read yourself, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised good they are.
I think your mum is right. You're giving inaccurate information that is potentially dangerous. Blood from your bottom is a serious red flag for bowel cancer and you just told her it was normal. Give her a book. It will explain correct anatomy and physiology. It will also explain volumes to expect, duration, dealing with other symptoms, why we have periods etc. At 11, when your daughter is now actually experiencing this, age appropriate information is correct information.
As well as the reasons outlined, consider the utter embarrassment you're setting her up for when her friends know what is going on and not only will she not, but she'll believe something completely inaccurate.
I know back in the day we weren't really discussing this stuff, I'm in my 40's and after it started I just had a box of Panadol and pack of tampons thrust at me. As well as giving the right information, if she has a phone set her up with a period tracker app.
Please normalise puberty for her. She is 11 and can handle it. Be factual, don't tell her she will bleed from her bottom. She will look like an idiot when she tells other girls that.. she bleeds from her vagina. It is a normal part of growing up, your body has an egg inside it that when it doesn't have a boys sperm to meet it and fall pregnant, comes out of her body and that is when it bleeds.
Imagine your daughter gets her period at school and isn't fully aware of why it is happening or where the blood is coming from. That will shock her and cause her shame.
At least use the correct terminology! She needs some diagrams so she can understand her body.
Your daughter is capable of understanding a lot more than you think. You are doing her a disservice medically!! She deserves to know about her own body so she can participate in her own basic hygiene and health care.
So when she borrows a tampon from a friend because she wants to go swimming, where is she going to put it???
She’s 11. She’s going to get her first period any day now. To say she will be bleeding from her bottom and will grow hair where she hasn’t had hair before is fine for a younger child. You need to sit her down and tell her exactly what she can expect in detail. Don’t be afraid to use proper terminology. Vagina instead of bottom for example. In fact, it’s operative that you do. It’s a time of massive change. You want to support her as best you can. And make sure she feels comfortable enough to ask you questions any time she needs
Don't tell her she will bleed from her bottom! That's not correct. Tell her the truth, she will bleed from her vagina.
No. You need to give her factual information. You need to empower her. Its her body and its natural. There should be no shame or stigma about it. You need to be open and honest. She will not bleed from her bottom. She will not bleed from time to time. Facts. Give her facts. Give her information, give her control and power. Listen to your mother on this one. She is 100% right.
I teach year 5, thats 9, 10 and 11 year olds. The other day a girl said to me I dont feel good my tummy hurts I think I need to eat. So she sat outside and ate something. Then she said "I dont think it was because i need to eat, it still hurts and after second lunch I started my period."
I was really amazed and impressed at her ability to communicate with me so openly (not saying they all will or should be the same, but we as the parents should aspire to set them up for it). And I was able to help her because of it. Imagine if she felt its taboo to talk about and thought her bum was bleeding, poor child.
So Im with your mum, and I also think its a good idea to let your mum have a chat, and you have a chat and you all chat together, make it normal for her.
She won't bleed from her bottom from time to time.
She will bleed from her vagina once a month. Say it correctly to her to avoid confusion. Don't sugar coat what you are think is an embarrassing discussion.
And books are great. They can help her understand the tougher questions that you can't bring yourself to discuss if it's just too difficult for you. For some parents it really is difficult. If you need them use them.
You could have gone into more detail in my opinion. For example, vagina instead of bottom and once a month, not time to time.
Also there are heaps of age appropriate books out there that can help you explain it. She may feel more comfortable reading them alone or you could go through it together.
I know I feel confused on the best terminology to use and what is age appropriate exactly.
Let's be honest it's so embarrassing talking about this with your parents.
Let her know she can ask you anything. Nothing should be off limits if she's asking as she will hear things from school.
Your mum is right love, you're not providing her with accurate information or enough information. She is 11. All information about puberty is age appropriate because shes about to experience it. I suggest you have a google and find her some books on puberty for girls so she can read them herself. She shouldn't be sheltered from this information. Good luck.
Bleed from her bottom? She needs to know it’s from her Vagina. She’s also old enough for kids book about birds and the bees and where babies come from.
Your mum is right. My 6 year old knows more than what you have told your daughter. Perieds are nothing to be ashamed of. My 13 year old boy knows more. This is something that needs proper information as soon as they are old enough to ask questions. Open and honest talk is best.
I'm with your mum. She needs to be made aware of facts and what exactly will happen. Show her how to use a pad, the change in her body and the different products available for her.
Also you need to use exact words. She won't bleed from her bottom, and if she is that's a medical issue. You've told her it'll come from her bottom, imagine her anguish when she bleeds from her vagina.
She'll be getting the actual facts as school, imagine how embarrassed she will be if she answers a question in health class and it is completely wrong.
If you're not confident, ask your mum. If you don't want that, find a book for a young teenager coming into her new phase in her life. She needs your help and guidance.
I think you need to start with facts. She is not going to bleed from her bottom... if she does she needs to see a doctor.
Periods aren’t to be ashamed of. My 7 year old has asked me about my period before (public toilet, saw the sanitary item)
I just said. Girls gets periods when they’re older. It’s the Vaginas way of keeping itself clean. Simple. Factual and not scary.
Please give her accurate info. She doesn't bleed from her bottom...she needs to know correct anatomy there is no harm that I can see with teaching her about her uterus ovaries vagina etc. You don't have to go into the sex part of it just yet but it is totally appropriate to teach her about her body and what is inside it.