Partner

Anonymous

Partner

Caught partner asking strangers to watch him madterbate online! He thinks im being dramatic and its not a big deal ! We have been together 12 yrs and im pissed off and hurt! Anyone else been in a similar situation?

10 Replies

Anonymous

So the fact he thinks thats totally fine should have you disgusted by him.
Hes doing it to make you feel crazy and bad and settle down and in time itll go away. But you should be absolutely concerned that someone you thought you knew well, and trusted, actually thinks that way.

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Anonymous

Ugh so not ok. Don’t let him down play the seriousness of this.

It absolutely IS cheating.

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Anonymous

It's not cheating... but it shows no respect or love for you. I'd be out.

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Anonymous

It’s cheating and totally disgusting while I’m a relationship- he’s shown you he doesn’t value you at all.

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Anonymous

Definitely if it’s not ok with you, then you need to decide if you’re prepared to stay knowing he will do it again.
Would it be ok for you to show your body to strangers whilst married to him? I suspect his answer would be a resounding no, so why does he think it’s ok for him to disrespect you like that?

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Anonymous

Agree with above comment 100 percent! bet you he would not like it!

Sounds like his boundaries aren't great at all and if he would do this with a bunch of strangers I would be questioning what else he would think was okay.. For me it would be trust = gone.

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Anonymous

Oh yuk! No way I’d be out. I’d be so creeped out and sickening if I found my husband do this. Yuk

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Anonymous

Yep been there and it doesn't always stop there sadly. In my case it just got worse with meet ups and with multiple others. Good luck in getting through the journey of what to do. I put up with it for way too long (have children together) but felt free of the deception after separation.

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Anonymous

My husband was on an adult porn chat site, where he was talking to people and taking videos of himself.

I found this purely by coincidence when he was out on a work trip. We shared a family laptop and went to search in google (he hadn't cleared his history) and it came up as a suggested site. Before I called him to have it out with him, I sat down and read every single message and anything I could find in that site and the computer - it had been going on for a year. I sat up until 2am reading all of this. I called him, and didn't stop until he picked up. I was he angriest I have ever been in my life, and I was done, in my mind my marriage was done - I was a month into my marriage. I was ready to walk out, and when I called him and spoke to him I told him that it was over and I had taken a small amount of items from our unit and headed back to my parents.
I called my mum when I started driving home and she met me in the drive way and spoke to me about everything. I was still done, and it wasn't until my dad sat down and spoke to me about it did I realise I needed to talk to my husband.

I spoke to him the next day (in my mind it was to end it), and he spoke to me about some issues he had been having. I told him he needed to see a therapist and work it out. I was extremely vocal about how I felt and that he had cheated on me. He (like your partner) said he hadn't cheated on me, but I was extremely firm on the fact that (to me) he had cheated on me and broken the trust in our marriage, and that if he did anything remotely close to this I was out, and there would be no warnings or chats about it.
We are now into our 3rd year of marriage. I won't sayI don't think about it, because that would be a lie. But I don't think he has done it again.

I will say, it took so so so much for me to start to try and get over it and it still pops into my head every now and again. If you are committed to the relationship, then you need to sit down and firmly set boundaries and tell him how it made you felt and that to you it felt like cheating. Good luck.

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Anonymous

I think you need to get to the bottom of why he is doing this. It may be that he has a kink about being watched (exhibitionist) and that is not necessarily something he feels can be fulfilled by you for whatever reason. Sometimes kinks are a thing to be embraced and can enhance your relationship if you are open and honest and set boundaries. Unmanaged and kept secret just opens the door to other infidelity. 12 years is a long time to be with just one human being. I was with my husband for 17 years. I had issues related to birth trauma and couldn’t satisfy what he needed because I couldn’t bear being touched by him. So I found my non physical outlets with strangers on the internet and he found his. I know it hurts to discover something that has been kept secret, but if you can talk it out you might find something new to share together. It’s up to you to open your mind. Otherwise set him free to be with someone more open minded who will embrace his kink.

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