Can I please just get some light shed, my ex (partner for like the 12th time has kicked me out of his house. We did live together for 2 years, have a 1 year old son together and 2 daughters to previous marriages. Our relationship is extremely toxic based on him constantly online cheating, having multiple phones, I have list my bananas multiple times because of this so it's been a horrible cycle. We separated 8 months ago and have been working on our relationship. So I found out this weekend that he didn't go to work, he work nights, but the night he had off he still proceeded to text me that work was busy etc. I'm extremely hurt as this has broken any trust that was coming back. I told him I knew and he went off at me for other things, when we were broken up I did hook up with someone and I was honest with him. He kept yelling at me and swearing in front of our son. I asked him to stop multiple times and he didn't. I sleot on the couch at his place giving him space and still this morning he was angry and worked up. He threw my handbag at me and told me to leave. So I picked my son up and left. I need to have the strength to not go back again, even when he apologises to me. Its not going to end. How do I do it? I am studying part time which keeps me busy. Thanks everyone x
How to be strong to not go back to ex partner
How to be strong to not go back to ex partner
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Behaviour
6 Replies
Block him on everything and just stay away. Think of all the reasons why this is not going to work, write it down if you have to, to really cement it in.
Sometimes toxic relationships come with a trauma bond, google it. You’ll find that although you know the relationship is bad you tend to fixate on the good times and when you leave you continue to hope they will change and they never really do. Maybe he says he will and shows a slight effort by treating you well for a few days. That’s enough to give you hope he’ll really change this time. When in reality you’re only setting yourself up for the same cycle to continue.
Start with a psychologist, get some therapy so you can break the cycle of going back all the time. It’s hard of course, every matter of the heart usually is, but if you push though the hard parts by really working on yourself and doing what’s best for you and your children the outcome is much better. You’ll finally be free of the same toxic cycle. You need to dig deep and work out why you keep going back. Do you love him? Is this the life you want for you and your children? I usually stop and ask myself is this the way I want my children to grow up? Of course it’s not, so why settle for less than what you’d want for your own children?
You need to decide if this is where you wanna be in 12 mths time. Having the same fights, crying over the same things, feeling upset by the same circumstances.... By the sounds of it, you really don’t want it to be but this way but the only person that can stop you going back is you.
Start with therapy and watch your life change as you work out why you keep going back to the same heartbreak.
Good luck mumma you all deserve so much more than this
The thing that made me leave and stay gone (had left once before) was the thought that popped into my head after waking up on the couch for the millionth time- ‘do I want to still be in this life when I’m 50 knowing I’ve wasted over half my life’? My answer was no. Also, I didn’t want my children to think what we had was normal- none of it was live or marriage (DV). So I packed my kids up and left. It was hard don’t get me wrong. I left with practically nothing, had to deal with his crying on the phone, begging me to come back, then his abuse when I said no. But I held strong- I wanted something more for myself and my children and 11 years down the track I’ve got it. Lean on friends and family, call them instead of running back, accept help if offered, get counselling and above all remind yourself over and over that you deserve more.
Practically- tell him all contact from now on is only to relate to the children give him an email just to contact you on and block his number.
You leave for your child’s well-being! If it’s not his child, run!
Go see a counsellor! Your kids don’t need to see this.
The thing that gave me the strength to leave was "is this the enviroment I want to raise my son in?"
See a counsellor or psychologist. Your kids a depending on you to keep them from that toxic life.