Im hurting beyond words. I feel so lonely. I don't know what I've done wrong or what im doing wrong but I want love I want someone to love me. I love my self im good on my own but I don't want to be any more.
I've been on my own for 6 years now since I was pregnant. I did my whole pregnancy by my self my daughters birth by my self. Basically I've done my life on my own. And now I have pancreatitis, ulcers in my intestines and my bowl isn't sitting right its twisting. I would love for someone to come to the hospital with me when im sick. Sit on the couch at night with. Have fun with me and my daughter. My daughter has started school and I've already gone to an event by my self where I just sat and watched event one with their partners.
My daughters dad was DV and he cheated on me. I met someone after who was an alcoholic and he too cheated 6 months in.
Now someone new has come along things were going amazing we would have weekends away, I met his family, we would talk about a future together it felt nice I finally felt safe. We had a connection he told me he got sparks when we kissed I got butterflies, but he couldn't get it up. And it became a big problem Viagra didn't help he said. He said he "i don't think its you", which hurt. He started to avoid me at all costs. Said he can't be all in with me and he doesn't know why.
My self confidence has been crushed having 2 exs cheat on you and now not being able to make a man hard does something to your womenhood.
All my friends are now married with kids or in new relationships after split ups.
Im confused why I can't get it right. I don't want to give up but I don't think I can trust any more.
Im just begging to feel so sad and lonely. Its to the point now ill hold back tears when I see a pregnant lady at work. I get sad when I see a husband coming in to support his partner. I was having a hard day last week and i had to excuse my self from a patient when I saw her beautiful engagement ring. I feel like I have this void I need to fill, this empty hole in me. I won't settle for less but I would really like some one to love me and for me to love them. Someone to come home to, have dinner with and weekends with.
Does this feeling get better or does it just get harder and more lonely the older you get?
Lonely
Lonely
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Sisterhood Stories
4 Replies
I dont think 6 years while having a baby and young child makes you a write off for life!! Dating does suck, but youll meet a good one eventually.
How did the move go?
Have you and your daughter settled in okay?
Maybe some therapy might help with your confidence and self esteem.
The more you learn to love yourself and fulfil your own needs, the less you need any one else, let alone a stupid cheating ahole. That hole you are feeling suggests you are not showing love towards yourself. No man is ever going to fill that void. I was the same, desperately thinking I needed a man to heal. Nup, its you lovely, all you. Get out make some new friends, take yourself on dates, exercise, study, have fun, whatever it takes. That self-love/confidence will attract a male more than anything else and by then you won't feel you 'need' one anymore and know you are perfectly fine with or without them xo