Hello ladies,
I need help. My ex and I have a child together, the current arrangement is he has her two nights a fortnight. She gets picked up by him from school and I pick her up from McDonald’s. This was agreed upon during mediation and has been going well for a long time. I have a AVO on him (this is relevant) He has recently got into a new relationship and I think she is getting to him because suddenly he required me to have a “third party present” at handover because he’s “protecting himself and me (apparently)” because he’s telling me if I’m that uncomfortable to have an AVO on him then I shouldn’t see nor speak to him and he’s just doing it to protect himself because I can have him “thrown in jail”. He has asked for this to be dropped but i have had this in place for over 2 years. He tells me that he’s not handing her back to me but will hand her back to a third party. Is this even allowed? Can something be done? I cannot find someone every time, it’s not fair.
18 Replies
It's kind of true in a way. If there's an active AVO on him he can be breached by you, not saying you would do it. I think he should be the one to arrange the third party person though or consider changing his time so he picks her up Friday from school and drops her back at school Monday morning instead of hand over on Sunday (I assume that's the days he has her).
If you feel as though the AVO should still be active then you shouldn't have a problem with a no contact handover.
Over my dead body will be getting another day. Why am I being inconvenienced? This is bullshit. I’m never withdrawing the AVO - NEVER
Sweet Jesus calm down. I never suggested you should drop it, only I find it strange that you're against a third party if you're scared of him. Going from your response I can see why he wants this, talk about over react.
Do not drop it. Invite him to bring a third party if he wishes. Yes its her and him trying to make out you don't need one and probably never did and her believing it's been long enough and you're spiteful or setting him up/'will lie on a whim' but it's not her call. When its her safety and long term arrangement at stake they can have all the opinions they want.
NEVER will I drop it
Did you have the agreement made into court orders?
If not, then technically he can’t change them, but having a third party there isn’t something I’d fight for yours and his safety. If you can’t get a third person I’d suggest him having an extra night so you pick up from school.
The least contact you have with him the better.
But I’d have that all negotiated in a new mediation setting.
No we just went through the mediators, we didn’t take it to court. I’m not being inconvenienced to have to find someone every time! Not now, not ever and over my dead body will he have her more.
It isn’t about inconvenience, do you understand what an avo is?
It is there to protect you, you sought it out, these are the conditions.
I think finding a solution is better than arguing with commenters.
I would suggest a handover facility. They take child and hand over to other parent. Several places have them and I’m surprised this wasn’t introduced by the mediators originally.
https://www.relationships.org.au/services/childrens-contact-service
And i think they charge so let him know he can pay if he chooses that. He doesn't get to put it on you that 'If you feel so unsafe to warrant an AVO then...' but really don't engage in any conversation with him. Just leave it to him to sort out if he wishes. The conversation shouldn't even be going on this long for him to get into your head.
I would say, you do what you feel is best or offer police station as new location.
It is fair and it’s something you should’ve had in place from the start.
When there’s an AVO in place then you should have no contact, including hand over. Hand over needs to be changed so there is a 3rd party there.
The fact you’ve been doing it for 2 yrs is irrelevant, you both agreed and have been breaching the AVO until now. He’s realised this now and rightly wants to make sure you’re both abiding by it. Contact Relationships Australia and organise hand over through them if you can’t have a 3rd party with you
If you have an AVO, wouldn’t you rather a third party liaison?
To have gone to the trouble of getting an AVO, I thought that would mean you would never want to be near him?
If picking her up is breaching the AVO, then he’s right, he needs a third party.
I’m surprised this has never been considered?
Whats one extra night?
You’re so adamant and vindictive right now. Its my way or the highway kind of thing and its disturbing.
You have an AVO on the guy. A third party sounds like the ideal thing. Or the extra night. What does your daughter think about having one more night at dads place. The AVO is in place for you, not for her and if he takes you to court there is the likely hood he will be able to get more access do you really want him to have every second weekend a week every school holidays and every second Wednesday night or worse 50/50 which a judge will highly likely grant someone that isn't a threat to their child.
No ones told you to drop the AVO so get your knickers out of a twist and look at the viable options and weigh up the pros and cons. An extra night where no hand over is necessary and you never have to see him (my personal favourite)
A third party at Pick up (he supplies them it’ll probably be his girlfriend)
You alternate a third party pick up where one fortnight you supply and the next he supplies having to find someone once a month to help you pick up your daughter shouldn't be too difficult.
Or he takes you to court for more visitation, very likely gets his request granted and you are more unhappy than ever because you wouldnt take the easy option 🤷♀️
Honestly up to you. I never decided to take an AVO out on my ex but he is no danger to our children it was me he was a danger too. I do know how you feel about handing over your child/children for longer periods of time but its their relationship that needs to grow with him not mine. We both created them we've got years to go and then there is graduations, weddings, grandchildren's 1st birthday parties to attend and i refuse to put my children in the middle like my parents have where one is uming and ahhing about attending my wedding because the other parent will be there and you know what I'm not sympathetic to their reasons I'm pissed because they’re attempting to sabotage my wedding and thinking ill just un-invite the other party which i wont. Don’t be that parent.
I agree with many others, if you have an AVO, why would you even want to see him alone? I took out an AVO against my ex and as he disappeared we never had to deal with custody, however I was scared for years that I would have to face him.
What are the terms of the AVO, in WA at the time they only lasted for 2 years and then you had to go back to court to apply for another. I did not do this as mentioned earlier we never heard from him again. Is your AVO even still valid?
Unfortunately, you have to put your own wants and feelings aside and work out what is best for your child in this situation. Father dropping her at school on Monday might be better for her mentally than either a fortnightly trip to the police station or a 3rd party pick up.
If someone had an avo on me I would be meeting in a public place or having a third party present. An avo is only a civil agreement however if he breaches it then it becomes a criminal matter. I wouldn’t allow myself to be in a situation for allegations to be possibly made. It sounds like you have a good arrangement but he is within his rights to have a third party involved. Do you have a mutual friend or a family member that can assist?
You can not have a final avo dropped. You can however amend conditions but the standard ones would remain. So if there’s a no contact condition you could remove that. Number 1 condition would still remain. Yes it sounds annoying but if you have an avo on him it’s for a reason and would probably be best to have a third party so there are no incidents. Maccas cameras don’t cover the car park very well.
If its court order that his to meet you to drop her off then you can't have him done for the avo. I know this as me n my partner had an avo on his ex and she was only allowed bear us to drop the children off and pick them up from us at the court ordered place. Her avo was pretty high end one she was not even allowed to text us about anything.
I woukd say no you have drop off in a public place to protect you both as they have cameras etc.
Mediation agreements are not legally binding. If he wants a 3rd party present, then it is his responsibility to provide the 3rd party to hand over to you. Just do pick up at a police station.
Do drop offs at a contact centre