Hi, just want to make sure I’m not over reacting.
My daughters were swimming/playing in the pool (all good swimmers) with their Aunty uncles and cousin. Their cousin can’t really swim so was swimming around the step near her mum and dad. Both her parents hoped out of the pool and left her in the pool to just swim around the step. She somehow got out into the middle and started to panic, my eldest daughter (13) was close to her but not in arms reach and didn’t know what was going on. My MIL and SIL yelled at my daughter as she didn’t help her cousin, the mum jumped in and their cousin is ok just a little frightened. Am I overreacting in saying that they shouldn’t of yelled at my daughter because I believe you shouldn’t leave your child in a pool if they can’t swim. It’s not a young teenagers responsibility to watch a 4 year old in a pool. My daughter got quite upset as she didn’t know what was going on as when they yelled they only called out her name not can you help your cousin. They have made me feel quite upset as my daughter shouldn’t feel bad.
Am I over reacting
Am I over reacting
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
13 Replies
If they yelled in a panic moment it's just a standard fight or flight reaction. Although they should have apologised to your daughter afterwards.
No, we don't leave our still-weak swimmers (4&8) alone in the pool.
All you can do is make sure your daughter knows she did nothing wrong & if they try to leave their child alone again, point out your daughter is too young to supervise so they'll have to ensure someone is with her.
They’ve probably done it out of panic, but no you’re not over reacting. If you have a child who is not a confident swimmer, you don’t get out of the pool without ensuring there is another adult nearby who is happy to supervise. Did they even ask your daughter to watch her cousin when they got out? Even then, unless your daughter has done a lifesaving program, it’s not safe to ask a young teenager to supervise as they are so easily distracted.
No she wasn’t asked to watch her. She was playing with her sisters and just happened to be the closest but not within arms reach. My daughter started to cry as she thought she did something wrong.
Your daughter is a child, sorry the parents are idiots.
It was out of panic, regardless of whether or not you wouldnt have been in that situation with your own kids, IF it was your kid drowning in the middle of the pool I'm sure you would yell out to the nearest able person to grab them. In this case it was your daughter. Who cares if its not her job to watch, teach your child to help when needed without arguing about whose job it is.
I have always made sure I’m in the pool if my kids can’t swim and I’ve been in a situation with one of my friends babies jumping in and having to react quickly. She would of helped if she knew what was going on and again she is only 13 and is very smart so would of got her but again she didn’t see what was going on.
A 13 year old strong swimmer is very capable of grabbing a 4 year old out of the water. But you're right they should have said "Help -" instead of just yelling out. We all make mistakes as parents and I'm sure their lesson was learnt. I hope they apologise to your daughter, maybe you could tell them how upset it made her? In the panic of it all they might not even realise.
This is how kids drown - adult complacency.
And I get the whole moment of panic aspect but the thing is Miss 13 shouldn't have been put in that position in the first place.
What if no one noticed Miss 4 was struggling in the middle of the pool and she drowned?! Miss 13 would have had to live with that for he rest of her life.
What if Miss 13 wasn't strong enough to grab Miss 4?!
What if Miss 13 got pulled under trying to help Miss 4 and they both drowned?!
Children are not responsible for other children around water. Period!
Miss 4s parents are in the wrong here, they yelled at your daughter because it was easier to blame her for "not helping" than to acknowledge that they fucked up.
Thank you. My daughter now doesn’t want to hop in the pool with her cousin as she is now scared.
Seems like they were close by, so still keeping an eye or just grabbing something? They should have specifically asked miss 13 to watch her and that would require her being within arms width and keeping eyes on 100%. You dont ever leave a young child in or near water, even on a step, unsupervised. Hoping miss 13 is there if something happens is not good enough, she didn't know she was supervising, and that's an awful pressure to put on her when things go wrong and that's what I would be saying to them.
They hopped out and weren’t going back in, they were just wandering around so not planning on coming back in to the pool.
Yeah for the safety of your niece I would be informing them of how quickly and quietly drowning can happen , in a pool full of people. Someone has to be dedicated eyes on and within reach of a small child in water. Obviously do it in a gentle conversation.
You shouldn't leave any child unsupervised in a pool regardless of swimming ability.
Accidents happen to strong swimmers too.
Tell them they upset your daughter and request they apologise for it. And make sure they understand they do not ever walk away from watching their child in the water. If they need to go to the loo or get a drink they ask another adult to watch their child until they return.
They really dodged a bullet there, and their poor kid very nearly paid the highest price for their laziness. Hopefully this is a big wakeup call.