My step son hates me

Anonymous

My step son hates me

I have raised my step son for most of his life, He's now a pre teen. We have never been super close but I love him as much as my own, and would give up my world for him. He hates me. He has no respect for me, calls me horrid names. His step dad calls me a mutt so my step son does now, I'm a fat "c", u should go kill myself, I wanna stab u, KFC stands for Kathie fanning centre. I found out he talks trash about me online, and I cried my eyes out. I'm the only active mother figure in his life, his mother is not around much and when she is, I'm put down alot, as his other siblings tells us. He's in trouble a lot, he has behavioural diagnosis, and is medicated, but we still struggle before and after meds r taken and wear off. He can be abusive, argumentative, and resently become increasingly violant when things don't go his way. I don't understand why he hates me so much, as I'm the one who's been here. If never tried to replace his mum, but I have acted like one because in my eyes, he is my son, if raised him since he was a tott. I'm at my witts ends and heart broken. How do I fix a relationship when he hates me so much

Posted in:  Behaviour

10 Replies

Anonymous

I wouldn't put up with it, send him to his step dad to deal with.

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Anonymous

Where’s dad when all this is happening ?

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Anonymous

He doesn't hate you. He has problems out the roof, his behaviour and attitude is learnt and what hes comfortable with and he's not many years off being a horrible adult and partner and landing in serious trouble, and maybe more importantly suffering with his problems internally.
I guess take it less personally, get him help, see a psych to find out your best method of handling the situation, talk it out with his dad, and follow through with that plan.

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Anonymous

My husband and I are happily married with 2 kids. We're a great family unit. My kids do ballet, taikwondo, piano lessons, drumming lessons, trombone lessons, dance, acrobatics, soccer and scouts between the 2 of them. Entirely by their choice. Tonight we cooked dinner together, all jumped in the trampoline together and then had a board game night. They're 6 and 9.

My son (9) has ADHD and Autism. He melts down over everything... all the time. And when he is in the wrong, he loses control and punches and kicks me. Only me. Soon he will be bigger and stronger than me and I will probably end up with injuries if the extensive interventions he is linked in with and maturation don't stop that.

Here's the thing. I'm the target because I'm the 'boss'. Don't get me wrong, hubby is really engaged... but he's a tradie so I manage every morning because he's gone to work. I take leave for all his appointments because I'm the health professional but hubby freezes up so I can give valuable information to the psychologist or paed.

Being the 'boss' is why I'm the target. Maybe your stepson doesn't hate you. It sounds like he feels lost.

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Anonymous

I'm not about armchair diagnoses at all, and a few paragraphs on the situation wouldn't be enough to do so anyway, even if I wanted to. However, based on what you've said, apart from yourself he's had very inconsistent parenting and he probably has significant attachment issues, on top of everything else. You may be the only place he feels safe to take out his fear and anger, as you've never left or stopped loving him. Or he's testing, trying to see if you'll abandon him.

He needs help bigger than what you can give him - therapy and counselling. Ideally all of his parental figures would back this, but it sounds like his bio mum and step dad are fairly toxic people and you're unlikely to get much help. Also, you don't mention Dad? Where's he in all of this?

Most of all, you need to realise he is not being a problem. He's HAVING a problem. He's scared, confused and angry and he's acting out. He needs you in his corner.

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Anonymous

If you wouldn't tolerate it from a partner then don't tolerate it from a child. There's no condition or childhood trauma that means it's ok to treat someone like this. I know if it were my own child I wouldn't put up with it, they would stop spending time with the person that encourages them to hate me and they would lose the device that they use to spread hate online. But this isn't your kid so for some reason you're just supposed to stand there and take it all because you can't discipline him but the adults in his life who can discipline him, are letting him do this to you. I personally wouldn't be in a relationship where it would be OK for me to be treated like this by a child.

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Anonymous

You need to sit with his dad and have a talk to him and tell him you won’t put up with this disrespectful behaviour towards you. I’d walk away! there’s no way I’d put up with that. If not try and get him to a psychologist but I doubt that will happen. Sit him down and talk to him be hard on him and tell him how much it hurt you and how much you love him. He has issues underneath all that and you are the one he hurts because he can. Don’t take this!! His father shouldn’t either or walk away from it all and show them what they are missing out on because without you they’d have nothing.

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Anonymous

What’s your husband doing about it? He needs to put his foot down and kick his kid up the arse. No one should be spoken to like that.

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Anonymous

My step daughter is the same... I’ve recently kicked her out and told her she can live with her mother... she actually called me a mutt last night 🙄 ive always been the one there for her when her mother wasn’t or couldn’t be bothered.. I stepped up and opened my home and heart to her and I’ve literally just been stabbed in the back.. I’ve had enough of being the kind person and now I’m done with her! Some people are just toxic and it will never change, so I’ve now now decided to rid the toxic people from my life and focus on the ones that love and care for me( my own children) 💕💕

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Anonymous

It’s not you.
I’m in a similar situation, my step daughter is now 12 and she’s lived full time with me/us since she was 4.
Her mother and grandmother talked trash about me to her when she was so little. I believe it’s a loyalty thing. She feels like she’s betraying her mother if she listens to me because her mother has said to her that she doesn’t have to listen to me and that I’m not even to brush her hair.
Her mum died 2 years ago, she flipped a switch and was a different kid. Her loyalty issue was a non issue. Slowly though now going through the pre teen years her attitude is just rubbish to me and most people. Anyway, let’s just stick it out and hope in a few more years they realise who has always been there for them.

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