I am desperate to seek advice to support my almost 10yr old daughter,
Last night whilst tucking her into bed,she began to open up to me about some worries she’s had. It started off with “A girl in my class can draw really well and I’m toxic because I got jealous because I want to be that good at drawing” (she is so passionate about drawing) I explained she shouldn’t feel guilt as jelousy is a human emotion and it just shows shes passionate about her art. I said being jealous doesn’t make you a toxic person it’s how you react to it that determines that. She then began to cry and said “I’m so scared of death..what will happen to me, I support people who are gay and a friend (a girl who she has never met on a roblox game) said being gay is a sin and it’s not Christian and if I support it I will go to hell” I’m so furious as this is not what my husband and I teach and we are inclusive of everyone. How can I support her? I don’t really believe in god but I want her to feel as though there’s an afterlife as she is really panicked about being nothing after death. I think I’ve provided her with a lot of advice and support but I’m looking for more advice from this wonderful community.
My daughter is worried being gay is a sin
My daughter is worried being gay is a sin
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing, Kids
6 Replies
Tell her that you don't know if God is real or not. That's why it's about faith. But if God is real, and Jesus really did sacrifice himself to save us, she has nothing to worry about. After all, god says to love your neighbour... meaning love those around you. Showing kindness to everyone is what your daughter does so she's following God's rules whether she believes in him or not.
Forget the whole religious bullshit and explain it as bullying someone with a threat to get them to act and think the way they do. But she has a brain. She knows being respectful, kind, supportive, inclusive of every one is the right thing to do.
Tell her you and dad do that, so wherever she's going you'll be there too, so no worries about that.
It's important to teach kids how to handle religious beliefs and opinions too though. They need to learn acceptance. They need to understand that we don't need to agree with someone's beliefs to love them. They also need to learn how to trust in their own beliefs, ethics and ideologies. A strong sense of self will protect them from zealots when they're older and help them make the right decision in many situations.
Don't get me wrong, I often shut down religious conversations with my kids when it's inappropriate. But when we have an opportunity to talk or they're confused like the OPs daughter is, it can be an important conversation.
My daughter is 11, I actually banned her from using the word toxic because she was just throwing it around willy nilly not really understanding what it meant.
Breaking point was her saying "Omg! You're so toxic" when I asked her to clean her room 🙄😂
I'm pretty sure she picked it up at school, she said they all say it to each other about anything. My point being you may want to ask your daughter to elaborate on that in case one of her classmates is calling her toxic in a less jovial way.
I also think at this age it's quite common that they start understanding or really contemplating mortality/the afterlife, religious concepts and all the 'meaning of life' stuff.
My approach to this is honesty and facts.
No one really knows what happens after death, being kind and inclusive in THIS life is the most important thing, people will all have different views on this and some people's views are not kind and inclusive (such as Roblox girl).
This shouldn’t be a one off conversation, there should be lots of general talking about being a good human being regularly.
What she was experiencing was envy, not jealousy.
Teach her the difference.
Being inspired by others is normal and can push us to be better.