My son is 14yrs old and until recently has been happy, healthy and carefree.
About 6 months ago he got a new gf and it all went downhill. In the last six months we have been through so many mental health services to try and help him.
He is so unhappy we ended up in the emergency department one day because he had planned how he wanted to die.
Through all this I never wanted to put blame on the new relationship and most parenting pages say to be supportive of teenage relationships so that you don't push your teen away.
Recently I found him self harming and questioned why, he made up some crap but I later found out that him and his gf had a fight.
I have been told by a third source that his gf is emotionally manipulative, smokes weed drinks alcohol often, has her own mental health problems and doesn't attend school. She recently even told him she was going suicide he wanted to reach out to her mum for help but she didn't want him to.
Because of her anxiety I haven't met his gf and I'm so lost in what I should do. I feel like if I keep letting him make his own choices he will end up worse but im not sure how to intervene. If I told him what I have been told about her he will just deny it all.
4 Replies
Oh god this sounds like my son and his ex :(
we did 2 years old this! 2 frigging years. Every time they’d fight she would self harm or he would. Sooo many ambulance trips, soooo many mental health appointments.
I’ve got no advice, we tried all the tricks but nothing worked till my son finally realised for himself she was toxic as all hell.
Sorry mumma just keep loving your son.
The girl may have many issues, but she isn’t forcing your child to act like this. He is making his own very poor discussions
Seek a psychologist to help you through it. I would be educating him on abusive relationships. How interactions create scenarios, feelings, mental health, real life situations that shape your whole life.
Look online for resources. Try headspace and school too.
There’s a lot of good advice here.... primarily to get some kind of mental health support for him. I’ve been there too; the perverse teenage daughter on the toxic relationship where he would pick her up one minute then screw get over so bad... she was self harming, overdosed a few times, accepted mental health care then denied it... we got tough on her and she started to rebel against our simple house rules. She eventually chose, after out of the blue reconciling with her father, to go live with him. So she went from one narcissist control freak to another, but one that was way more artful. After 9 months and him putting her life at risk she asked to come home. We agreed on the proviso she also returned to school. She’s just graduated and despite not getting an ATAR has been given a Principles Recommendation to do the Bachelors degree she’s wanting.
Be there, support the good behaviour, show strength and understanding with the negative behaviour, show your own strength of character and for goodness sake you too can seek support if you’re needing it. Things will get better, be patient. He will appreciate it more than you realise in the end.