What do I do?
I will give the shortest possible version to my the situation: for a little background to help u derstand as i honestly no longer know how to help my child. Sadly there are not many good schools around and they are all zoned unless private. ( i will not enter our public system for a number of reasons)
The school bully what do you do, no one really listens or cares.
My very bright beautiful DD has struggled over the past year being she always fights for kids being bullied , picked on , left out but in the end this has hurt her and I no longer know how to help her. This year has been hard on everyone with covid but sadly it's been hell for my child. A girl who my DD was once very close with has become very nasty and has absolutely destroyed my child's mental health. This girl lives close to us and has sleept over on several occasions, they did sport together after school and now we have had to pull our child from the sport , had numerous meetings with the school and nothing has happened. It got so bad as this childs mother had the nerve to get involved (she is a teacher at the school)i bit my lip held my composure and kept out of the situation personally and contacted the school principal. I had to teach my child right from wrong and how we behave as adults and show her that violence does not solve problems, we don't retaliate. I had interviews with said principal and weeks passed and nothing happened, the teacher was told don't get involved and that was that.
I have been told this child has bullied several students to the point girls fear her so much they rather be her friend to stop being a victim. The school is very aware of this and yet today they announced the bully is the new vice captain for the school next year.....like I am absolutely shocked, I am angry , and so hurt for my child. Who allows this to happen? How is it ok the bully is rewarded? What's this say to other children?
I have spoke to a psychologist over this and they agree our child needs to have sessions which are very expensive, but I will do anything for my children. I would move heaven and earth for them to say the least. Not only has this caused mental health concerns for my child its caused other medical issues which include her refusing to eat as she was being told she is fat ( she is very slim and has no fat on her what so ever) but the bullies have got in her head. During a break down after school my child recently said she wants to die as she can't handle the bullying any more, I am so broken for her. I comfort her as much as I can but I just don't know how to handle this with the school? I have things at home sorted and getting her help sorted, it's simply the school. Yes I could change her school but this is not the answer, I don't want her to think she has to run from her bully. I have always taught her to stand up for what's right. She also does not want to change schools and leave her friends. Any advise is much appreciated.
Thank you in advance
17 Replies
It is the answer though. As adults we have the power to remove ourselves from people who are toxic. From work places that are toxic.. while I understand that means the bully triumphs but she is anyway.. she is vice captain next year..
no way would I allow my child to stay in an environment where they were victimised!
I’d also make a formal complaint t to the department of education. Go above the principals head. If it is physical violence talk to the police.
Get her out of there.
The kids mum is a teacher there, they aren’t going to do anything.
All the psychologist sessions in the world won’t help if she goes to the war zone every day.
As an adult I was bullied in a toxic workplace, my mental health was horrific, I finally left, best thing I did.
The best lesson you can teach, which I so wish I learnt as a child is, walk away from toxic people.
They will never change.
Walk away and live your best life.
Women stay in abusive relationships, people stick it out with passive aggressive friends, people allow toxic family members in their life.
Teach her the MOST valuable lesson, walk away.
It’s not brave sticking it out, it slowly kills you.
Show her how to do life right.
When the bully's mother is a teacher at the very school where the issues are arising - this ain't a battle you're going to win.
You might think this situation is teaching your daughter to stand up for what's right or not to run from her problems but what it's actually teaching her is how to be a martyr, it's teaching her that she has to suffer through shitty situations rather than simply removing herself from them.
So ask yourself, is the principle of the matter so important that you're willing to let your daughter's declining mental health pay the price?
I also have to wonder how bad the public schooling system has to be that you'd endure this just to avoid it...
Agree to remove yourself is a powerful choice and should always be an option. No dead ends.
However I also think shes going into year 6, since they'll be captains. She has friends. It's one year to go. And let's be honest, she has this chick over a barrel now because one wrong move and she'll have her badge ripped off her. So she really doesnt have to worry about her as much. Request they're not in the same class and work on her being nothing.
Being a teachers child I doubt her badge is going anywhere regardless
That's not the case. Noone in a school would want that either, captains are held to a higher standard. If its proven she's done something, there will be consequences.
There's already a bias here, why would the school put a stop to it now just because she's a vice captain?
This kid is a bully that's soon to be in a position of power and is also somewhat "untouchable" because her mother is a teacher.
If anything I see this amping up not dying down, because this badge is another stroke to this kid's already over inflated ego and sense of self importance.
You're giving her way too much power. They were friends that fell out. It sounds like she was nasty to this girl. A school can't hold it against her forever. They can nip it between these two, which they have. The post says teacher is not allowed to be any thing to do with it, and she hasn't been.
The post reads that it is ongoing bullying...
The school don’t appear to be doing anything except have asked the teacher who is also the parent not to get involved...
I promise you teachers kids get an easy ride. And likely why she hasn’t been disciplined and is vice captain.
👆👆 exactly what I was going to say.
Every school I've been involved with only allows kids with the most exemplary behavior to even try out for the role of captain/vice captain as it's a privilege to represent the school on that level. A kid with a history of bullying wouldn't be considered to begin with under normal circumstances.
This says to me that the school doesn't really value integrity or take bullying seriously.
One year might not seem like much to adult but a kid who's living this day in, day out - it may as well be a lifetime.
It reads bullying in past tense to me. Effects on the little girl ongoing.
Yes they do look at their record, so either she's still quite good compared to the standard of the choices (I doubt because OP seems to think its a good school) so therefore, this girl doesn't have a huge record, its just that incident with that girl.
If it's ongoing, report her every time. Demand they are split and are not to be near or speak to each other. The one who breaks it will be reprimanded.
If you're at that stage and it continues or if your kid wants to, I have agreed above, to move her. Just dont go into it feeling powerless, her having this badge actually does mean she's held to a higher standard, teachers child or not.
Parents are scared of the teacher ( I am far from it) I am a very strong person but I have had a weak moment and broke down hearing the words from my child " I want to die" all because a little brat is being rewarded for poor behaviour and not held accountable for her actions.
Parents are scared of the teacher ( I am far from it) I am a very strong person but I have had a weak moment and broke down hearing the words from my child " I want to die" all because a little brat is being rewarded for poor behaviour and not held accountable for her actions.
My child was NOT nasty to this girl what so ever. The teacher was and is involved as she makes nasty comments to my child during lunch breaks etc. I spoke with the principal again today and broke down crying. He stated he really didn't know it had got so bad and is looking into the situation and will not hesitate to take the position away.
Great!
Awesome! Go brave mumma.
I just want to say thankyou, things seem to have picked up a little but I know something is still going on, I know my baby and her mood swings. I have sat down and spoke with her and she has begged me to stay in this school with her best mate and I have told her one more thing from said bully and I am pulling her out. This is not the end I am a Strong person and I will NOT allow this to go further. The board of education will be involved and I won't stop, my child is my only concern. Doctor is backing me 1000% and we document everything. I was hurting and broken for my child and you have all helped me stand tall again so again THANKYOU from the bottom of my heart.