Hi, please no bashing. I just don’t know what to do here.
I’ve separated from my partner, we have 2 sons together. He has also raised my daughter since she was a baby, he is all she knows. I was worried he would cut contact with her, which he hasn’t, but something he has said and chosen to do is sending some real intense red flags, so I need advice simply because I am still so mad and could be biased in these gut wrenching feelings, and also because I whole heartedly believe he would never do a thing like that.
Here is the background. I’ve left for a lot of reasons, but one being how sexist he is and how he thinks woman have everything handed to them on a platter and how he thinks woman just drain men etc he’s a real “what was she wearing” “she shouldn’t be walking around at night” type of guy when a girl is raped. So all over, thinks woman are constant liars and out to ruin men which could be why he’s thinking like this, but still.
Anyway, here’s the dilemma. He has decided he still wants to see my daughter, but will only have our sons over night as he is worried that in the future, my daughter when she is a teen and going through a rebellious stage will turn around and accuse him of sexual assault or rape. I was so gobsmacked and pissed and my gut turned straight away and I just saw these red flags pop up everywhere. My daughter is only young and none of the kids have seen him since the separation as he is sorting himself out apparently. I’m a firm believer in never asking a child a question out right as they may just agree and to never put words in their mouth. I 100% believe he would never do such a thing, but it just seems like such an out there risk for him to fear for literally no reason. I’m at a cross roads. I was molested as a kid and my mum never thought the guy would do such a thing either. Are my concerns real? Am I being blinded by how angry I am at him? Is it him using her to get to me? What do I do with this gut wrenching feeling? Do I speak to a professional? Do I just get her to see a professional? She has never even slightly commented that anything has ever happened. I don’t believe anything would have happened, but my past traumas and my mums trust in someone has me second guessing myself. Thankyou for reading.