Sleeping sex

Anonymous

Sleeping sex

I woke to my (now ex) partner having sex with me? I am surprised at some people’s reactions, like I’m his partner and therefore my body is his. There had been no discussion about this being something we would do, and I am by no means a prude. It’s affecting me more with every day that passes.

Is it strange of me to believe this is not okay, partner or not?

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour

16 Replies

Anonymous

This is NOT ok! If it was something you had discussed with him and agreed to being woken this way, then it would be fine. But you did not agree to it and are clearly not comfortable with what happened. Go see your GP for a referral to a psychologist to discuss how you are feeling about it.

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Anonymous

Glad he’s your ex. It’s called rape. If you’re struggling with this then you should consider talking to someone about it.

I’ve been in the same boat, however had said no prior to falling asleep. It’s awful and damaging and it’s absolutely not okay!!

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Anonymous

Its not ok. Anyone who has an opinion that he can do whatever to you because youre in a relationship, their opinion is legally wrong and morally wrong, so put it straight into the bin.

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Anonymous

I don't agree with the "I'm his partner and therefore my body is his". I'd like to believe noone actually thinks that.
What you may get is people not having a problem with sleeping sex. I'm one of them, assuming it's my partner of course. How I feel about it, or even if there are idiots that subscribe to the first statement doesn't invalidate your feelings on it. It's not ok with you and TBH that's as far as you need to understand.
Do get help to sort it in your head and from now on before sex happens with anyone have a discussion about consent and boundaries. As much as it wasn't discussed that it could happen there also wasn't a discussion that it couldn't happen. Preempt that and hopefully it'll never be something you have to face again.

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Anonymous

My husband reckons about 10 years ago he woke up to us having sex. He initiated it, there was foreplay etc. I had no idea he was dreaming for 45 mins of lead up. Did he know you were asleep?

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Anonymous

I’m glad it’s not just my partner that has done that. He went through a stage (roughly 6 months) that he would wake me while initiating foreplay or having sex with me. It would take me a while to realise he was actually still asleep. We would Finnish and he would go back to his side of the bed like nothing happened. He didn’t believe that he was doing it until he woke up half way through.

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Anonymous

Id honestly forgotten about it until hubby joked recently about the time I took advantage of him. I have no concern at all that I abused him because I was awake and he wasn't because I had no idea he wasn't. So I do get people questioning if it was abuse when you're in a relationship. I think these situations can range from normal to romantic to sinister and evil depending on the specifics. To the OP... I don't mean to imply that you weren't abused if you were... merely flag that it might not have been the intent in case that allows you to find peace.

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Anonymous

It is not ok, I would feel violated and yes it’s rape you cannot consent if you are asleep.

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Anonymous

I love my partner doing this to me because I’ve always told him to hop on at night if he ever feels like it because I’m always ripe and ready for him. but by no means do you have to. If it’s not okay by you, then it’s not okay.

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Anonymous

It isn't ok.

My ex partner did this to me too.

My suggestion is to speak to a sexual assault support line.

Goodluck. X

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Anonymous

It’s def not ok how sickening and scary for you. You did the right thing and you should report him. What a pig!

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Anonymous

Definitely not ok. If you feel violated then it wasn’t consensual. This was my turning point in leaving my husband. We had a new baby so I was exhausted, had just been up feeding baby and got back to bed, he was feeling randy and proceeded to try having sex with me, I said NO i was tired and fell back to sleep and woke up to him on top of me and having a go anyway. I felt disgusting during and afterwards. We were married for 10 years and had 4 kids and still wasn’t right. First and only time it happened but now I was left wondering did it happen all the time because I am a heavy sleeper at times. He denied it of course but my gut was telling me it was wrong. We are no longer together after that. It’s rape. No matter who they are to you.

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Anonymous

This is not okay in my books. So disrespectful.

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Anonymous

I woke up once with a really sore vagina and said to my husband had he done anything.

He said he fingered me whilst he tossed and wondered why I was so quiet and wondered if I was asleep!

I was clearly asleep.
I still feel betrayed about it and he couldn’t see the big deal.
I told him it’s not okay and don’t dare do it again.
Worries me I won’t know!

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Anonymous

Just because he is your partner doesn't mean you are his or your body is his.
This is rape because you did not consent.

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Anonymous

If you do not feel comfortable than it is not okay. In my own, I'm totally okay with it as it my kinda thing. I would never ever tell another your partner owns your body.

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