THIS IS NOT A PURELY SEXUAL PONDERING..
BUT IT MAY TRIGGER SOME PEOPLE WITH SEXUAL TRAUMA
Why is kink...and BDSM still so taboo?
Is it so hard to understand that some people gain great satisfaction or fullfillment by allowing ... consentually and with full knowledge, another to have power over them?
On the worldwide website Fetlife, there are millions who can be open. Who can say..I want my Sir/Master to hurt me physically. Or simply control and own me 24/7. To make decisions for me. I want to live a 1950s housewife life. I want to be humiliated sexually etc etc.. or on the other side to control, to be in charge... and be given the authority to do this.
But the vast majority of these people hide
Hide their faces. Are devastated when exposed, are embarrassed and ashamed when not in the kink community.
It seems we now live in a world where we can come out as LGBTIQ, so long as that looks "vanilla" and so long as we retain our own power.
I am a naturally submissive person and never before have I found the fullfillment that a Dominant /submissive relationship gives. The level of communication, honesty, transparency.. far outweighs anything I see in our acceptable world.. and yet we cannot truly be honest about the nature of our relationships.
I wonder why it's so hard for people to accept.
9 Replies
Each to their own, but I think being submissive with ur own partner or someone u fully trust is the key. For safety purposes never allow yourself to b submissive with a new partner or a one night stand, or someone u don't know well.
Calm down & reign your high horse in.
Here's the truth - most of us horrible vanilla people - that you're judging btw - don't care what you do. We just don't want to see it on our Facebook feed or debate dominance vs submission at the dinner table.
Sexuality is very personal, private and intimate. Having fetishes exposed can be as embarrassing as someone Youtubing you having sex on the beach without your permission.
The reason your community is open is the same as any community - understanding and interest.
So go enjoy yourself. It makes no difference to me if you're into 50's housewife or feet. Really. I just don't want to discuss it over coffee. I've a friend who let's a funny story or comment out sometimes and it's fine by me as it's part of who she is and I've known her forever. I still don't want to hear details because that's who I am. Nothing about acceptance, I'm just more interested in travel or developments in areas I follow.
I hope that explains a bit and you can judge is a little less.
I don’t want to hear about anyone’s sexual preferences, whether they’re “vanilla” as you call it or bi, trans, into bdsm. To me sex is private.
There are people out there that love talking about it, whatever flavour, different strokes for different folks, they aren’t my people.
I’m not going to judge other people’s kinks, because I don’t want to hear or know about them.
You do you.
The only taboo for me is if you keep telling me about your sexual preferences when I’ve told you I don’t want to hear about it.
I also think people will judge you on any life choices you make (how many kids you have, where you live, what you do for work, your food choices, how you wear your hair, your hobbies, your personality, your clothes, the list is endless), but when you’re happy within yourself, you don’t need their acceptance or validation. You run your own race.
I actually think its great to be open about sexuality. However, your type of sex holds no more weight than those who prefer more average sex.
You asked why is it all so hard for people to accept. It's not where I come from. Maybe you just bring it up around the wrong people for shock value knowing they won't accept it. I've done all sorts of sex in my life and have loads of straight friends and gay friends all with a vast variety of preferences. That man you sit next to at work? Your neighbour you say hi to over the fence each morning? I bet they have some kinks. Just because you don't know about them, doesnt mean most of us don't have them. I've done things you wouldn't believe sexually ( legally ) . But you won't hear me run around telling people about it its private to me because I'm humble enough to keep it that way.
I may have done things you wouldnt have ever imagined in your wildest dreams, but it's always been an experiment and I feel, the truest , deepest love is the most natural, and normal type between two people.
That's the honest truest nature of relationships as far as I'm concerned and far outweighs your version, but that's my comfort zone and this is the level of honest and trusting intimacy my husband and I have. Our communication sexually is pretty bang on perfect. So I don't know why you assume only your type of intimacy is more pure and open than mine would be. If anything, you are the one creating taboo among those who prefer more simple sex. Not cool.
Here’s the thing, I actually don’t care what someone else does in the bedroom or where ever.
I’m not sitting around discussing it with anyone, I’m not thinking about it.
The only persons sex life I care about is mine. What I enjoy, what my partner enjoys.
I’ve got way more important things to do than judge you for something that isn’t my business.
I also don’t sit around discussing my sex life with my friends and they don’t discuss there’s with me. It’s none of my business and it’s none of there business.
I honestly would be mortified if my very ordinary sex life was outed because it’s for Private, not public information.
Why do you want other people to approve of your sexual practices? The only people who should care are you and your partner/s.
Had it occurred to you that the people who use Fetlife hide their faces/identities to protect their safety? It surely doesn't need to be said that there are dangerous people in every corner of the internet, I feel like a website of this nature is home to quite a few of them...
I don't think BDSM is deemed unacceptable per se, as you can see by the responses here - most people don't care what consenting adults do in their private time. It does seem to be something that society isn't ready to celebrate or endorse though and I can understand why.
I'm probably inviting a lot of hate with this but here goes.
BDSM is something I've always struggled to wrap my head around because it is essentially consentual abuse and as someone who's experienced abuse in many different forms, I just don't know how to feel about that.
So for that reason, it's not something I want to be forcefully exposed to. I know it exists, I don't judge anyone who chooses to partake in that lifestyle, nor would i shame them, preach to them or in anyway try to stop them or get in the way of them being able to fulfill this desire - just don't involve me in it. I will not be dragged into your masochism to make you feel more accepted.
I don’t care what anyone chooses to do in their bedrooms.
My friends and I will talk sex, well gossip and we’ll just be ourselves in our group.
But if some rando decided they were going to over share what they were doing in the bedroom with me id probably roll my eyes, look uncomfortable and be annoyed at you for sharing that shit. If it was my mates I’d be intrigued and ask questions. There’s a time and place for these kinds of conversations and sometimes you have to ask yourself “is this the right time and place to bring up my sex life” if the answer is no talk about something else.