Being lonely after separating

Anonymous

Being lonely after separating

After being with my husband for 17 years, we’re about to separate.
It’s amicable and all that. We’re lucky so far in that respect.
He hasn’t treated me well at all over the years, and I’ve hit my limit. Lots of gaslighting and just not considering us in his plans/life at all, takes everything I do for granted (and I do everything except his job... so I basically do everything).
We have 3 kids.
So, my question is, what do I do at night when the kids go to bed?
What if I hear a scary noise outside?
I won’t have any adults to talk to.
Maybe I’ll be so lonely I’ll regret calling it a day.
At this stage I may be too poor to even pay for Netflix, so Netflix n chill may be out too.
I’m just struggling with the unknowns I guess.
I can’t even begin to think what I’ll do the few nights a month he has the kids.
I’ll feel so lost.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

7 Replies

Anonymous

You will, and I'm not going to lie. It WILL be lonely. What's worse, being lonely when you're alone or being lonely even with someone there?
At least when I chose to be alone there's a reason to be lonely.
Things to do..
Read a book, read lots of books! Autobiographies, biographies, thrillers, horror, sci-fi, fantasy. There are worlds out there to immerse yourself in.
Libraries lend out music, movies, magazines etc as well.
Run a bath.
Learn something new. Knitting, a language, yoga, gardening, how to pull apart a carburetor. Anything that floats your boat and is available in free youtube videos or books from the library.
Depending on how late we're talking have you ever checked out ABC comedy after 8pm? There's a few funny shows on different nights.
Install cameras outside. If it's all amicable he may be willing to buy a few cheap wifi cameras for you to put out in the yard.
The nights the kids are away, longer bath with wine, spend with your friends, make new friends (and it's ok if they're just online that share hobbies or interests with you), read the books that you can't leave out while the kids are home, ditto for watching movies. Cook a new recipe that the kids wouldn't like. Go places. Most areas have feature spots nearby. Go for a short hike (tell someone where you're going), take a camera or a sketch book.
You're the master of your destiny.

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Anonymous

As for Netflix, find someone on a local group or ask a family member to share an account. It might be $5 a month or so to piggy back on someone’s account :) this is what we do within my family to help ease the costs! Works brilliantly.

It’s going to be lonely, and unfamiliar for a bit. But you will start to enjoy being alone and find things that you really enjoy like reading a certain genre, having long baths etc. - even online dating just for some cheeky fun!

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Anonymous

Honestly at first it is lonely, and I still get lonely sometimes now, but I mostly love my own company, on the weekend when the kids are gone I get my hair done or a massage, or just watch things I can’t watch when the kids are around/play video games or catch up with friends. Go to the beach if it’s warm enough. In the evenings the same, I love horror movies so will often snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie or crime show.

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Anonymous

My husband has been a night worker since we met and started living together so ive been on my own at night since i was 17 years old (now 37)
Here are my tips for peace of mind at night,
Make sure windows all close and lock properly
Add extra lock to front door
Keep something by your bed (i have a cricket bat!)
Keep your phone nearby
Dont feel bad about leaving a few lights on or even the tv going to help sleep
Sensor lights (you can get solar powered ones)
Security cameras if you are really feeling unsafe.
These days i feel completely safe at night and when my husband is home on the weekend and theres a scary noise im the one who goes and checks it!

As for boredom, there was a time before netflix came along and we would do things like watch dvds and read books! Start a hobby like painting/knitting, do a short online course if you still have wifi. Or my personal favourite is spend time with yourself and do things for You at night time like give yourself a manicure, floss your teeth, do a face mask, change your hair colour, have a bath etc. Just anything that makes you feel good

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Anonymous

I leave the tv on in the lounge and my bedroom door open, it’s helps.

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Anonymous

Instead of looking at it as a negative, start looking at the positives. If he is a burden now you are going to feel lighter and more free without him. After so long of being put last you can now put yourself first. When I broke up with my ex I was worried too but I honestly felt amazing, I didn't know how miserable I was until it was over. It's your time to shine, you don't need him for anything.

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Anonymous

Honestly, I have very little time to be truly lonely. There are so many things to do for free at home these days.

The hard part is finding your passions. Treat the start as an exploration time. Try things.

After the first couple of loud noises you laugh at yourself and it’s all good. In fact I find not having someone play into ‘what’s that noise’ means I’m less scared. I think it helps that I live on a busier road because there are always noises so you stop noticing them.

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