Hi Mums, I have a dilemma.. stay with me on this - its a long story.
We bought a beautiful house a couple of years ago now, which we thought was perfect for my mum to live downstairs - own bedroom/lounge/bathroom. Shit went downhill fast. She’s a smoker and even tho I am, she started going downstairs on the otherside of the house under a big palm tree to smoke so it didn’t annoy my partner (non-smoker but ex-smoker). Ok whatever. Anyway, escalated quickly to random shit, one was about bread 🤷🏻♀️
She fled back to her home country over stress. When she came back, she moved in with a friend and that soured quickly also. Fast forward to now. She lives in a 2 bedroom unit alone, past retirement age but still working fulltime. Has parkinsons and im constantly worried about her and her future. The other tenants have spoken to her of her smoking - so she puts incense on and that has since been ok. New tenants have moved into another Unit and now upset over it..
Now to my dilemma, how can I help her? Im constantly worried about her and her living situation (at the end of the day shes still my Mumma), I cant have her here because of what happened last time, I have a rental but its about 45 mins from where she works on a good day, but potentially an option in the future..
Help?
One mumma worried for her own mumma!
One mumma worried for her own mumma!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour
3 Replies
I used to be a carer at an aged care facility so I'll give you my two cents from that perspective - if she has Parkinson's, the reality is that full time care will almost certainly be on the cards at some point in her future, she potentially needs some level of care now. She probably knows that and is trying to hold onto her independence as long as possible by continuing to work and living alone, but that sounds like it's taking a toll.
In my observations over the years, I've noticed most of the older generation are insanely stubborn and unwilling to relinquish any control but none more so than migrants (or children of migrants) and I think it definitely has something to do with their life experiences. Just something I thought may resonate as you mentioned your mum's home country.
For now, my advice would be try to support her as best you can and try and widen her support network.
The My Aged care website will be able to point you in the right direction of local resources and even social activities.
In the meantime, check in with her daily by phone and take a minute to assess how well she's managing her own personal care, ie:
Can she shower/bathe safely?
Is she bathing regularly?
Can she groom herself?
How is her toileting?
This is a bit of a specific one but how are her feet? Can she cut her own toenails? (This is often the first area to be neglected).
Is she able to keep household tasks and hygiene up to scratch?
(You would not believe how many older folk give themselves food poisoning from improperly cleaned kitchens and poor food handling techniques).
Can she safely prepare food?
Does she eat regularly?
Can she manage grocery shopping?
If she's on any medications, is she taking them regularly/properly?
Is she getting adequate medical care?
How's her driving? Her general mobility?
(Of course you don't have to answer any of that here, this is more a checklist for yourself).
If that's all okay for now, those are the key things I would keep an eye on going forward.
Also, how old is she exactly? That may help give some more specific advice.
Make sure she is keeping active and moving! That is the best thing she can do to keep Parkinson’s at bay! Keep encouraging her independence as the more she does it’s been proven with studies that the slower Parkinson’s progresses and to ad not everyone with Parkinson’s goes down hill to the same level.
I would look into cbd theraby for your mumma for a number of reasons. Firstly the parkinsons. Secondly she no doubt has underlying mental health issues. Thirdly addiction.
You never know she may be able to treat her condition. Get along with those around her and kick the durrie habit.
Just some food for thought.
Good luck