I don’t know how big backstory to give incase it’s obvious who I am on Facebook...
basically I’m in a situation where I have the deepest gut feeling to check my husband phone. We have been together 14 plus years and iv Only had this one when I was right (13 years ago)
In my head I’m rationalising, saying if he had nothing to hide he’d laugh it off.
If I were him and he me in this position... I feel like I’d laugh it off, but who knows when you’re in it right? Maybe I’d be offended.
Is it wrong to check a phone because your gut is twinging.
20 year old me would just leave if there is doubt. But we are late 30s, 3 gorgeous kiddos, 5 houses and a whole life built together. Is it worth risking it all on a gut feeling?
How can I bring it up without my “evidence” I have to snoop to know one way or the other but it feels so wrong.
I’m a bit lost.
Is it always wrong to snoop?
12 Replies
What's your gut feeling? They don't happen on a crystall ball whim. They happen because something, even very small, is out of place. No such thing as a whim out of thin air, unprovoked, unless a sign has instigated one .
Something has happened that you haven't stated.
Is it genuinely a gut feeling or is there behavioural changes?
Is it right? No, it’s rude and a breach of trust and if somebody did it to me I would be pissed. But would I do it if my guy was screaming at me, yes?
If my partner snooped through my phone because he had a "gut feeling", I would not find that in any way humorous or endearing. I don't think many people would be able to laugh that off to be honest, especially if there was nothing to find! So keep that in mind.
Now, is your gut feeling actually justified?
What I mean is, has this feeling just come out of left field? Is it possible this feeling is coming from your own fears or insecurities about it happening last time?
Or, has there been some actions, behaviour or tangible evidence on his part to trigger your suspicions?
Are you actually prepared for the consequences, either way?
What if you find something?
What if you don't?
My husband and I have full access to each other's phones. If I was suspicious I'd absolutely look. If I was completely off base he'd also laugh at me while giving me a hug to let me know I was being silly. He says only people that have something to hide would stop a spouse from looking in their phone.
What an amazing husband you have, and just shows what kind of person he is, that his first reaction is to comfort you rather then get angry. Amazing 😊
Listen to your gut. I had a gut feeling many years ago and found out I was engaged to someone I didn’t know.
Such a tricky one, on one hand an affair puts your happiness and health at risk, on the other hand its not always a great idea to invade someone's privacy.
To be honest I probably would. I would attempt to talk to him first though, just explain you are feeling a bit on edge lately that you aren't accusing him but just need some reassurance.
Also take note of behaviors, has anything changed, is he physically or emotionally distant, is he working late more often, Is he all of a sudden changing his appearance or making an attempt to. He's he unusually secretive. I always think someone taking their phone to the toilet isn't that unusual, but taking it to the showers a bit odd.
People always say trust your gut, but I think to do that you have to look at yourself too, am I feeling things that are unreasonable? Am I unusually insecure or emotional at the moment? Are issues from past relationships causing me to think this way?
Hope some of this helps, all the best xo
I’d keep
Snooping!! Love how people try and make you feel bad for snooping but no one feels bad when they know what’s going on behind your back or anything. Do what you have to, to find out. I’m sure he would and if it was me I would keep snooping. Do not give up any more information when you snoop as hard as it will be sit on it and keep snooping even follow him because you know he’s going to keep denying it anyway. Go with your gut.!! I did and I was right. Make a plan of what you will do if he is. Have something in place ready incase you decide to leave. Find out who the person may be, don’t let him know any clues else they’ll just start hiding more and more and lay low. Do what you have to do.
I had a gut feeling also. After 18years of marriage. He would of never admitted anything, so I snooped and found that he'd been messaging other women. We had marriage issues over the last year and I knew things weren't ok. Only you can know how it pans out. Good luck
I would just laugh if my husband looked at mine. Nothing to hide. I have access to his phone and Facebook because he has more entertaining people on there who post drama lol. Does he say anything if you pick up his phone? If he has a pin code you don’t know or moves quickly towards you then there’s your answer
I would just laugh if my husband looked at mine. Nothing to hide. I have access to his phone and Facebook because he has more entertaining people on there who post drama lol. Does he say anything if you pick up his phone? If he has a pin code you don’t know or moves quickly towards you then there’s your answer