Hi.
Im after some information or books on how i Can best help my daughter after being sexually touched by my former partner.
Shes 9.
Ive read child Victims are more likely to be re abused as adults and have more sexual partners or trouble with relationships.
Any books to help stear me in the right direction? And perhaps facebook support groups for myself.
He was tossed on his ass as soon as she told me, and is about to be charged in the coming days we have done Statements etc.
She dosnt want to do counselling and often The best results come from The parents doing The work.
Any information would be great.
8 Replies
Look up Rosies place if you are in NSW. She will need some counselling.
She definitely needs counselling. A supportive parent is a great thing. But you are not going to be enough to help her through this. She needs a professional, because there is a lot she won’t tell you because you are her mother.
You do the counselling then.
It's important she does the counseling. However a psychologist that specializes in child sexual abuse is best. ECASA is a great resource https://www.easternhealth.org.au/services/item/174-eastern-centre-agains...
ECASA is a program attached to Eastern Health. However, programs through Bravehearts should be ok.
Whether she feels like she definitely doesn't want to go, I think it's best you both go.
All the best
Much love to you and your baby.
For me, if this was to happen to my soon to be 9 year old I'd be very conscious not to expose her to statistics and things she's "most likely going to face in her life"
Id tell her its ok and normal to feel this, this and that.
Id guide her in knowing she's still the same person as before. Nothings wrong with her. Somethings not right with him.
My sexually abused friend once said to me "nothing bad happened TOOO me, life happened and I was there" and i love this perspective and have use it with my own trauma.
Also, im not against counseling but id be very weary of sitting down with someone time and time and time again, keeping my daughter in that space of everything that happened or even if they're not talking about what happened, the time spent there is associated with it all. I hope you get what i mean.
Much love Mama xx
From one sexually abused person to another,
Please take her to see a specialist counsellor. As it was told to me had I not have had this my abuser would have walked Scot free, with just community service and a behaviour bond. This is so very important.
Has absolutely nothing to do with keeping her in the moment it's unloading the weight on her shoulders of what's happened and giving her tools to deal with triggers, emotions and moving forward
Oh mumma big hugs. This will be the hardest thing you both go through. As much as she says she doesn't want counselling she will eventually need it. The sooner you do it the better for her. Make sure she understands that nothing that happened was her fault. The only person to blame is the scumbag himself. Let her feel angry and sad and hurt but tell her she has nothing to feel ashamed over. It sounds silly but she will need to hear these words over and over again. Tell her she is strong and brave and loved because she will not feel any of those things for a while. Tell her she deserves someone who will love her to the ends of the earth and she deserves respect from everyone. No one should ever make her feel that way again. Hold her and tell her you love her no matter what and you are so proud of her for telling you. Right now she is probably feeling guilty over the consequences this has for you so make sure you tell her that that stuff doesn't matter. Having her safe and happy is your most important priority and that you will always chose her over anyone. Give her time to heal and then just when you think she has healed be there so she can heal again and again and again. Tell her she is a survivor and she can overcome this. The next years of her life are going to be so hard especially as she begins to explore sex herself so make sure she understands the right reasons to have sex and that she doesn't just have to give it to anyone. Talk to her about consent and how she is the only one who can agree to anything. Talk to her about all the ways consent can go wrong like when someone has to convince her to try something and she doesn't really want to. Tell her that when sex is right with the right person it is amazing and wonderful and healing and powerful. That's the kind of sex she wants as she gets older. She will come through this. It will be hard but she can do it.
Mumma look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. Remember you are not to blame. You are an amazing mumma and never let anyone tell you differently. Seek counselling for yourself so you can talk about it with your daughter. Find your strength and happiness in her. You are going to need to be her rock for a while and you need to believe you are strong enough to do that. As hard as it is don't hide away from it. If she wants to talk be prepared to hear it because she needs to know that no matter what she says to you things are going to be okay. She has made a great first step in coming to you but what happens now can define the rest of her life. If she has you to love and support her she can conquer the world.
I know all this because I am a survivor. I spent 20 years being raped, abused and assaulted in every way possible. My mother did not support me in the ways that I needed and if it wasn't for my amazing husband I would not have made it through. His love, understanding, patience and belief in me pulled me from that darkness and gave me my life back. Please be this for your daughter now as she desperately needs it. Good luck mumma and remember you can do this.
I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child into early teens and I have only had 5 sexual partners it’s not just about abuse it’s also how u help them deal with it I did some counselling as a teen and found it not overly helpful at the time as I was to young to understand a lot of it but they say a lot of people who are abused use sex as away to feel loved hence to high amount of sexual partners which is true to my mum has had a lot of sexual relationship over her life due to being abused for many years my advice is to just keep communication open when she needs to talk and tell her if she wants to pursue counselling at anytime to tell u and also what’s the problem with her having many sexual partners when she is a adult tho nothing for her or u to be ashamed about