I’ve realised recently that my mother is a very toxic person and as much as it breaks my heart I’ve decided to cut her out of mine and my family’s life.
The lies she’s been telling people are dangerous and I can’t have my family subjected to this.
The thing is, she has always been a big part of their lives. They love her and I don’t know what to say to them.
I truely think this is the right thing to do.
The kids are old enough to know something is going on. They’re 12 and 8.
How should I deal with this without breaking their hearts.
Toxic Mother
Toxic Mother
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Self Care
9 Replies
Can the the kids still have a relationship with her?
I don’t think so.
She comes to my house and everything the kids say she turns into a big lie and reports straight back to my sister in law (brothers wife)
Like they’ll say they haven’t had lunch yet and she’ll be disgusted but they don’t mention they had a big morning tea. So she’ll tell my sister in law things like I’m not feeding them.
Is that the kind of crap you think is dangerous?
If they are really close and love her, then she doesn’t come to yours, you or even your husband could drop them off at hers.
If she’s a good grandparent, I just can’t condone you taking that away from the kids because you and her have issues.
My mum can be quite toxic, but kids have a great relationship and I couldn’t take that away from them.
Well it is if it results in CPS reports!
Well I guess that’s where you draw the line, is it just gossip and bitchiness within the family because you two have a rift or is it contacting police/cps?
Most families have the bitchy gossips, they don’t usually call CPS, just want to create drama.
So I guess it depends on which it is.....
I jut get the impression it’s bitchiness because this woman has been a close part of the kids life for 12 years, so doesn’t sound like she wants the kids to end up in the system.
If she is toxic and spreading dangerous lies ect then the best thing to do is cut her from yours and your children’s lives. We all make choices in life and with those choices come consequence. It is her choice to act like this so it is also her decision to not be apart of your families life.
I agree 100% I just don’t know how to tell the kids without involving them in adult issues.
I’m going to assume you’ve tried talking to your mum about this and it hasn’t changed her behaviour and there is more involved than her telling someone that the kids haven’t eaten (I gather she implies you are starving and neglecting your kids and that this could result in CPS reports etc which are traumatic even if nothing is wrong).
All you can do is weigh the genuine risk of her putting your family in danger versus the harm not having her in your children’s life can do.
I think the discussion on what you tell to it kids is best to have with a child psychologist. They can help you form a script to say and explain as carefully as possible to lesson any harm.
I would tell the kids that your mother has done some very hurtful things to you and at this point in time it is healthier for you all if you take a break for a while from seeing her. Don't give them a time frame as that may cause too much upset. Just keep it simple and don't go into too much detail