Trigger warning ⚠️
Myself, sister and brother were sexually assaulted by my uncle when I was about 4-5. It was continuous and it was sick and twisted. The stuff he made us do to him, to each other and what he’d do to us is heartbreaking.
It was eventually uncovered and he did go to prison for it. But not for long. His girlfriend at the time was pregnant and he got early release somehow. My mother allowed him and his gf to live with us when he got out ( don’t even ask... I still don’t know why she would put us back in that situation) and the abuse continued, although I’ve blocked so much out.
He ended up marrying his gf and going on to have 3 daughters, who now also have daughters themselves.
I can honestly say, he has screwed up our lives. My brother turned to drinking and drugs from a young age, my sister has serious intimacy issues with her husband. I get flashbacks and depressed.
I literally feel a combination of both wanting to warn my cousins what their dad is and just simply wanting to f up his life by telling them so he can feel our pain.
The thing stopping me is I don’t want to hurt my cousins. I don’t want to destroy them. But I also feel like they need to be warned.
I’ll add, I have doubts that he’s a changed man despite this occurring 30 years ago. Another family member told me a few years ago that he had been caught messaging and chatting up one of his daughters 15 year old girlfriend. His wife kicked him out for a few months before taking him back.
I don’t think there is a right or wrong thing to do. It feels like I’m damned if I do and dammed is I don’t.
12 Replies
I think this is one of those situations where you need to discuss and work through all of it with a professional.
It’s a big deal, and I personally would want to put him too.
I think you should tell them, they may have been abused too?
Your mother failed you big time I really hope you have nothing to do with her. So terrible. My heart breaks for all of you. Always makes me angry to see the perpetrator carry on with their foul ways for their entire life while completely oblivious to the damage they leave behind. Do whatever you have to do to make sure this happens to nobody else, they may choose not to believe you but I think that's a small price to pay if it means someone might think twice before leaving their kids with this man.
I’ll bet he’s molested his daughters too
If he went to jail for pedophilia, how could they not know? I'd probably check they were being careful with their kids assuming they were aware
He went to jail before they were born. My cousins are totally not aware
Yes, please tell them!!
I would look to get my hands on court transcripts or charge sheet or something and send those anonymously. That way, they have the facts.
Yes, say something. I would be inclined to think that he also abused your cousins :-(
Please tell them. Protect anyone and everyone that you possibly can. There's a high chance he did it to his own kids too 😔.
I wish the same protection was afforded to you. I wish you all the best, it's not going to be easy but I believe it's the right thing to do.
Just arm yourself with the court evidence. Have something there to back you up.
Omg what is wrong with your mum allowing him back there.!!! I would be long gone cut my mother off and about it from the roof tops.. don’t allow any child to go through what you have already.. please please let everyone with kids know who are in contact. Also report abuse anonymously so they are on to him and can ask all these kids who are around him. Please do what you can to protect these kids.!!! I’m sorry but your mother is disgusting!!! I would have disowned mine if she did this.
Firstly, I'm sorry for what you and your siblings went through with this monster.
Please tell your cousins the truth. My mother was sexually abused by her father growing up, she didn't tell anybody but my dad about 20 years later. In that time, he had been sexually abusing me for most of my childhood until I spoke up as a teenager, and then she told me what happened to her.
I know that my mum isn't at fault because it's an extremely tough thing to talk about, but I can't help but wonder if I would have still endured what I did, had she spoken up about it sooner.
Please tell your cousins, they deserve to know, this isn't your secret to keep.
Hoping that you're doing okay through all of this ♡
I wouldn't bother unless you dont mind the back lash and can handle it. People forgive, forget and try to pretend it hasn't happened. Chances are they will take his word over yours.