My husband is a beautiful father. He is dependable, calm, attentive, present in everything and gentle. He gets up in the night, does daycare drop off’s and has the occasional surprise splurge at the shops buying things for our son. All round great guy too (but I’m bias). Anyway, we are slowly discussing a second child and he is really struggling with reconciling how he should feel vs how he actually feels. Transitioning into fatherhood for him wasn’t easy. We were married, then pregnant, then miscarried then pregnant again the next month. It wasn’t planned nor was it unplanned - it just was, if that makes sense. Anyhoo, he has never not wanted kids but has always struggled with not feeling paternal. He doesn’t gush for babies, nor yearns for them (like I do). He hears from other fathers that having kids is incredible, that’s it’s all they have ever wanted, or that it’s just the best thing in the world, and now because of this feels like something is wrong with him. So, the idea of having another kid and not having the feelings to go with it leaves him feeling a sense of guilt or shame. I’m trying to show him that actually it’s quite common to not feel paternal and not everyone adapts to fatherhood the same, that there is no shame is being honest with where you are at etc; however my heart breaks for him. I don’t want him to feel like he has to have another kid (although I would be gutted if we didn’t have anymore) but more than that, I don’t want him to feel shame about how he is feeling about it either. I would love to hear from fellow fathers or mothers who have husbands/partners, who may feel as my husband does, to show him, that it doesn’t define him as a father, nor does it make him abnormal.