Mistakes and constant reminders

Anonymous

Mistakes and constant reminders

I don’t exactly have a question, I guess I just need a rant!

I’ve had a lot happen in my past and I’ve made alot of mistakes in my past that hurt a lot of people, I’ve been trying to rebuild my life and move on from my past but there’s always someone reminding me of it and throwing comments at me about it. I get that I hurt them and trust something that has to be earned over time and yeah I expected a few comments every so often but it’s happening all the time and I’m quite frankly getting over it. How am I supposed to move on from my past when I’m constantly getting reminded of it?!! I’m not the only one that’s made mistakes and I don’t say anything to anyone about things they’ve done and just would like the same in return is that too much to ask?! I’m just kinda over it and my mental health really can’t take anymore of it.

Posted in:  Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour, FAQ

12 Replies

Anonymous

Did you cheat? Its the only time I can actually think of where you take someone back but also still absolute hate and resent them.
If its anything else, you have to move on. Gently thank them for giving you a chance and remind how grateful you are that things are so different and good now. How much you value what you have now, but you cant live in the past forever and cant let anyone hold onto your past to pull you down
Real friends build each other up.

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Anonymous

How long ago was the past? It’s all relative. When my ex cheated on me he thought it was in the past, it was a month ago and apparently I was holding on to it. Pfft
It takes a very long time to rebuild trust and it depends what the bad things were and if they were a once off her a series of events etc

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Anonymous

Just because your over it doesn’t mean the people you hurt are. They need time. You can’t just click your fingers and make everybody forget

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Anonymous

Yes, they need time to get over, but they will never get over it if they keep bringing it up.

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Anonymous

Boing over something painful is how a lot of people work through their hurt, it’s not up to you to decide how they move on from something. It also really depends what you did wrong in the first place

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Renee Aquino

I think when they keep bringing it up it’s because they don’t have closure. Wether it’s cheating, fraud, drug addiction you need to realise that you’ve damaged them and until they have all the answers that they need, they won’t get over it. You’re the one that did the damage and it sounds like your insight into the impact it had on them is not very good.

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Anonymous

That’s not true “they will never get over it if they keep bringing it up”
Maybe they are bringing it up because they never got closure. They never received an appropriate and sincere apology. Maybe speaking about it helps them process their feelings about the issue and you. YOU did something wrong. THESE are the consequences. You can’t dictate what they are allowed to say or how they can behave. The only thing you can control is your own response to them.
Quite frankly, your post sounds immature and insincere.

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Anonymous

Some mistakes are irreconcilable. Some relationships can be damaged beyond repair.
Sounds like this may be the case for you and this person.

Whatever transpired, they are not over it - they might never get over it.
You may need to accept that and go your separate ways.

Sounds like you don't need the constant reminders of your wrongs and this other person doesn't need the constant reminder of the ways you hurt them.

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Anonymous

I’m the constant reminder. I’m never going to forgive or get over things and honestly if they want to move on then they can cut me out of their life. They’re only in mine because of external forces so we have to see each other.

Not sure what you did but some things people can’t get back. I can’t get back my ruined wedding day, my jewellery that was stolen pawned to fund a habit, I can’t make a time clock and go back to the multiple events where I was constantly hurt and beaten because of said person. I can’t bring back my dead animals because they killed them.

Why should they be expected to move on just because you’ve decided to change and right your wrongs? Cut them out if you really want to move along because I can guarantee they’ll hold onto it forever.

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Anonymous

I’m the constant reminder. My partner had a massive drug issue which affected our relationship due to his own actions. Whilst he’s working on his recovery and that’s great I can’t just forget the trauma he inflicted in myself and our family. Yes I’m working on myself recovery as well but when he acts or behaviours in a similar fashion to when he was using or coming down this triggers me and it’s hard not to question a relapses and drug use again based solely on his behaviour.
He and I have choices. I can leave if it’s to hard for me or he can leave if he finds it to hard to fully recover with them reminders. I don’t mention it to hurt him, but when you’ve been hurt as bad as what I did while he struggled with his addiction it happens :(

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Anonymous

It’s the consequences of your actions, they aren’t on your timeline, if you can’t hack it, move on.
They’re only bringing up what you did and you can’t handle it, your mental health is suffering, they actually lived through your actions, imagine how their mental health was/is.

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Anonymous

It’s a pretty subject to comment on with the context of what you’ve done?

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