Situation based on race

Anonymous

Situation based on race

I really don't know how to put this in words and I know this is horrible of me, I know it. But I need advice and just to talk about it.

Yesterday we went to the shops in a different suburb, it's a very multicultural suburb with a lot of Muslims. Anyways, we went to walk into one shop and a man pushed ahead of us and had a black backpack slung over his shoulder and back sunshades on. He was wandering around the shop not looking at anything, just going up and down aisles and staring at people. He suddenly put his backpack down on the ground and then went to reach into it. It was a specialty shop and he didn't acknowledge the people when they welcomed him to the store and refused sanitisation (just kept walking like on a mission).

I became extremely anxious and had a minor panic attack, my partner had to help me leave the store and I just broke down and said I was petrified because of the way he was acting. I was fearful he had a gun or bombs or something in his backpack and I couldn't calm myself down until we got in the car and left.

Prior to kids, I have never been like this. I am suffering intense PND and it has made me irrational but yesterday was something new. I am embarrassed to say the very least because I know my actions were racist but I need help. How can I overcome this?

Posted in:  Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Education

11 Replies

Anonymous

I actually dont think your reaction is that unusual given the circumstances. We live in a VERY multicultural area in Sydney and there are some places I go where I’m just hyper alert. If it’s something new for you I totally understand your panic. Only spending time with members of that race and community will help to alleviate your concerns. However you mentioned PND and that certainly needs to be addressed by your GP and a psychologist. It can manifest in many ways. Mine manifested as sanitizing everything and everyone.
Be kind to yourself. You aren’t racist you are struggling. Xo

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Anonymous

This is unfortunately the way it is now. It's possibly not even race based, anyone acting like that would make me move away quickly. We've just been away on holiday at a sleepy beach spot. Someone left a backpack next to a bench & it made me jump - I hurried our kids past it. Before having kids it never bothered me. I'm reacting more severely due to Covid making life unpredictable.

I think with everything going on we're all on edge and out of our comfort zone. Every small thing amplifies any MH issues we have. If you feel you need it, please ask for help.

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Anonymous

I'm a very perceptive and intuitive person so I'm almost hyper aware of people that are acting shifty.
This would have pinged my radar too, not because of his ethnicity but because it's noticeably odd behaviour.

It does not make you a bad person for noticing someone acting weird and for wanting to get as far away from them as possible - self preservation kicked in and you panicked. Your PND may be heightening your reactions to stuff like this so it is probably worth chatting to your care team about it but please don't beat yourself up!

It's helpful to remember also that people whose behaviour or demeanour is outside the norm usually don't intend to cause someone harm. They may be struggling with mental illness, be drug affected or just plain socially inept and lacking in personal awareness.

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Anonymous

I guess you need to reflect on 1 - did you feel in heightened danger / discomfort due to being in a non-white area?
2 - did he really act weird or was it your own fear?

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Anonymous

Since when does being a Muslim area mean it’s a non white area! White people can be muslims too!

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Anonymous

So its specifically the high muslim population she could see? Laughing but ok then reflect on that.

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Anonymous

You're not being racist. You are having exaggerated anxiety because you're unwell and something unusual to you triggered fear. See a psychiatrist and psychologist to manage your diagnosis and give yourself time.

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Anonymous

If it was a teen white kid with hoodie pulled up covering face and behaved in the same manner, would you have reacted the same? I definitely would have. I think you were responding to his behaviour not his culture

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Anonymous

Were you being racist or just scared of someone acting suspiciously? If it was a white person that acted that exact same way would you have had a panic attack then? I expect you would. It doesn't make everyone racist when a person of colour acts bad/suspiciously and we become aware of it.

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Anonymous

What a brave and honest post, I completely applaud you for that! I'm not really going to give you advise, but instead share my experience.
I'm from NZ and we had a complete shift here for the most part anyway on how we as a society viewed and treated the muslim community. March 2019, a white man shot and killed 51 people in mosques. Everyone banded together to improve our country. This spoke volumes to me, as someone who has had similar fears in the past. I realised terrorism works so well because of the fear, and hatred it spreads, if the nz muslim community could accept and grasp the concept that these were the actions of one man, that in no way reflected how the rest of the country felt about them, then I could do the same. I hope this gives you some peace, perhaps it's a good idea to get some help, you dont need to feel this way ❤

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Anonymous

It’s completely normal reaction. No matter what colour, race, religion I would do the same. You just done know these days so many ice addicts and brainwashed fools you never know what people are capable of. Don’t feel bad. I am exactly the same and it doesn’t matter who it is. People can get desperate and are capable of anything.

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