Question, I am a stepmum. Have been with my step daughter for over 12 years, fulltime.
My husband and I decided to give her his old car and he buy a new one, step is 20. We gave it for her to help her, to give a head start and she has trashed it. Food wrappers, clothes, tampons.. you name it, car has it.
Her father and I just got into a big fight because to me this is a little bit bullshit, I don't expect anything other then take your rubbish out. Her car, i know but why trash it. Her father got mad at me because I expressed my annoyance at it but really, free car.... am I being unreasonable
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Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice
30 Replies
You’re being unreasonable, it was a gift to her for her and you’re judging her on it. Stay out of her car and if you’re so damn annoyed about it clean it your self. My first car was never clean unless I gave it a big deep clean. And then it didn’t stay clean ever. Even now I struggle to keep it clean and if I do get it clean give it a week and it’s back to being what it was. I hope the tampons are unused though 😆
Yes you are. Th a ts not trashing it. Thats using it. Shes a grownup you cant be that mad that her cars messy get over it.
Yeah it's annoying and I'd be pissed too. But it kinda can't really be an issue because its hers.
It’s her car, stop looking in it if it annoys you. She is an adult, if she can’t clean up after her self that’s her problem. I also don’t know any teen/young adult that has a clean car. Shit my sister is 30 and it looks like a homeless person lives in her back seat
Your right it is bullshit and your causing it. I think you need some therapy. Not everyone treats or looks after things like you do, and that’s ok. It’s now her car not yours so mind your own business.
Wow you are unreasonable. YOU GAVE IT TO HER. What she does with it is her choice now that it's HER'S. If it were still "your's" then you could be annoyed.
Why is this affecting you so much to cause a fight? You need to seriously question why someone else's life choices bother you so much and work on that.
It was her dads car if I'm reading her post correctly. Wasn't even the Step mums car at all. And just to add , Weather her step kid was in her life 12 months or 12 years, makes no difference , a step kid is a step kid. Doesn't change the lable or the right to feel like like she has ownership of her step daughter just because shes known her 12 years.
It’s not your car, so you don’t control what happens with it.
It's none of your business. Her car, her rubbish!
Everyone I knew that had to slog their asses off to buy their own car treated their crappy $1500 cars as if they were state of the art Ferrari's.
The people I knew whose parents bought or gifted them nice, safe cars treated the car like it was the local tip, scratched, dented and damaged it without so much as a second thought.
Not necessarily helpful but something I find interesting...
I get your frustration though. Treating cars this way is a pet peeve of mine. I think it shows complete apathy and a total lack of appreciation for something that you're so fortunate to have.
Probably not much you can do about it seeing as her and your hubby see no issue with it but I'd definitely keep this in mind next time an opportunity to help her out with something valuable arrises.
I bought my own, and my friends did a nd i find that completely untrue.
Just speaking from my experience in which it is entirely true.
If that's not what happened in your circle, cool I guess...
I gave my 23yo daughter my car when i bought a new one, and she treats the one i gave her very well !! So its all dependant on the nature of the person who has the car, not weather they bought it themselves or if it were gifted to them.
I have always bought my own and I've always had a messy car. My stepson buys his own cars and has wrecked each one from off roading and thrashing the crap out of them. We use our cars for fun and long road trips so they get a little beaten up, it's not that they aren't appreciated they just get used how we want to use them. I could never have a show room car.
Look, I was generalising a bit here obviously. Off roaders or cars that are a bit beat up and generally untidy is not entirely what I was talking about either.
My overall point was that there is definitely a "zero care" factor about driving around with mountains of fast food rubbish, tampons and other junk that I don't think there's really a good enough excuse for.
Not your monkey not your circus. It was a gift. People are messy people are clean freaks. Not your business. Unless the gift was conditional
If its a gift, it can't also be conditional. A gift is a gift. Once something is gifted, it omits the giver's personal control and input over it.
The car brlonged to her dad. Not you. Not your issue.
Also, please note filling it with crap is not the same as treating it like crap. The inside doesn't have anything to do with the running of the car, and I would even say those of us that have our car full of shit love our cars a lot.
I'm surprised so many people see no issue with this.
All the 'not your car, not your business' bullshit aside - it's a safety hazard!!
I'd be very concerned about my child (or anyone really) driving around like this.
I know someone who works for an insurance company, she's told me so many horror stories about car accidents, many stemming from messy cars. One totalled their car because a random coke bottle from the backseat rolled into the drivers side foot well, another person reversed into the side of their house because the crap in the car created a blind spot in the rear window.
I'd probably have a chat with her about it from a safety perspective because she's potentially putting herself and by extension other road users at risk.
Safety is a concern. Not a reason to be manic and overbearing. Do make sure shes aware of the danger of rolling bottles and junk jamming pedals.
Precisely why I suggested she have a chat to this young lass about it because it's clearly not something she takes into account.
To be fair though, if someone crashed into my car (especially if I was driving my children) because of the shit in their car, that person would wanna hope manic and over bearing would be all they had to cop from me...
LMAO the only person who would come out second best is you....from experience as the person who lost their shit at the offending driver.
People keep their cars differently. Sometimes it's a sign of what is going on in their life at the time too. I know when I'm super busy and putting in bullshit long hours my car can look like a family lives in it. Spare clothes, empty boxes, spare shoes, rubbish that I mean to get out but don't prioritise like I should, books, folders, bags, receipts.. well you get the picture. When I'm tired, time poor and my mind is cluttered it all goes to hell.
I love my car and I keep it well maintained mechanically, interior is perfect but I work regionally and it's often very dusty.
It just is what it is.
I'm not saying she's similar but sometimes it's easy to judge when you don't understand someone else's reality because it doesn't match your own experience.
Does she need a hand?
She could do what I do when I recognise shit is getting hectic again and use one of those supermarket cooler bags to throw her rubbish into. It stands up on its own so it's literally just throwing trash straight in from the drivers seat. It's little things that help maintain a little organisation when things are chaotic.
Buy her a detail for a gift.
As a person who detailed cars....this is far more common than you may think. So many people treat their cars like a junk drawer. I feel it was a gift so what she does with the car is now her choice.
If Grandparents or elderly relatives live nearby, arrange a reason for her to need to drive them somewhere. They’ll soon sort hr out 😂
Alternatively once there are bad smells coming from her car & her friends don’t want to drive with her I’m sure she’ll sort it out!
I totally get you though - it was a gift and it feels like she is not being respectful to the fact she was given the car (as opposed to having to buy it herself).
Its her car! You said it yourself. Lol god theres rubbish in my car too. Who cares. Different people have different priorities. Pick your battles. This one isn’t important.
Its her car! You said it yourself. Lol god theres rubbish in my car too. Who cares. Different people have different priorities. Pick your battles. This one isn’t important.
Its her car! You said it yourself. Lol god theres rubbish in my car too. Who cares. Different people have different priorities. Pick your battles. This one isn’t important.
Jeeze, the way some people talk to each other on this page is shocking!! I stopped reading halfway through... completely understand your feeling, and can’t say I blame you. For folks saying “it wasn’t even her car, it was her husband’s” - it’s all part of the household assets and has an impact on your financial situation too... That said, I’m afraid you’ve given the car as a gift and unless you stipulated certain conditions when you gave that gift, I think you can only guide her behaviour and hope she learns one day. If it’s any comfort, I’m pretty sure most teens’ cars are in much the same condition!