Hello. I would like some tips on how to toilet train my son. He is 3 years 4 months. I toilet trained him using the 3-day method. I used it with my eldest daughter and it took 2 days to toilet train her so I thought I’d use the same method. I know they say that boys are harder to toilet train but I just don’t know what to do anymore. We toilet trained him in March and he did ok for a few weeks but then started to have more hits than misses. Never once pooped in the toilet unprompted. We’ve had a few disruptions with moving homes a bit and then moving interstate just last week. We’ve done praises, stickers, naughty spot but nothing seems to work. He hasn’t gone to the toilet unprompted at all. We’re currently doing the taking him to the toilet every 30-40 minutes and he will always go but never on his own volition. When he does go he pees a bit and then he is done. I don’t know what to do. He is supposed to start at ELC but the school won’t accept kids who aren’t toilet trained. Not so much worried about that as we can defer but it’s just been 100% fail for us this whole toilet training thing. Please help. Anyone else had this experience? Should we see a doctor? Thanks so much!
5 Replies
To be honest, I would just drop the whole idea until he is at least 4 or older. It sounds like you over do the whole thing (which I did with my son when he was probably really similar age) so we just completely left it and stopped talking about it. Then he turned 4 and thought he was a big boy, and asked for undies again and didn't have a single accident from there. Totally on his own account that time after failed attempts made by me.
I get the confusion though. My daughter who is only just 4, has been in undies since she was 3 and she just did it without any hassles at all.
I tried at 3 years for my son as I did with my daughter, she took two days however my son was absolutely not interested or ready! So we ditched it and tried at 3 and a half and he got it within a week both day and night. Personally I don’t see the point in preservering if their not ready as it causes angst for everyone.
Toilet training is learning a new skill.
We all learn things at different rates and in different ways, that's why this "3 day method" is complete garbage. I don't mean that as a dig at you, I mean it as a dig at the people who market this 'one size fits all' approach to desperate parents.
My advice (from having TT'd my own kids and my experience in childcare) is to keep persisting since he is having some success.
Let him have accidents, sounds counter productive but they actually learn a lot by that yucky wet/poopy feeling. Try not to get frustrated when it happens, follow it up with a verbal instruction "You've done a wee/poo, next time let try and do it in the toilet/potty" and physically take him to the toilet or potty if you're using one so he gets the association.
Create a bit of a toilet routine rather than taking him every 40 minutes, you want him to recognise the signals his body is sending him but he won't if he's shuffled off to the toilet every half hour.
As an example - As soon as he wakes up, 10 -15 minutes after a meal, before naps/bedtime, before playtime, any other rough time you've noticed he goes (especially relevant for number 2s).
Let him watch you go to the toilet (I know it's a bit uncomfortable) and verbalise the process too, "gosh I had a big drink, now my tummy is very full I better go do a wee".
Look for cues in his behaviour too, wiggling, holding their privates and hiding are pretty good indicators that they need to go.
I've also found that pull ups are a real hindrance too, so if you use those try and limit them to situations where you really need to use them.
Avoid them completely if you can (aside for bedtime of course).
A funny toilet training book can be helpful too, try reading it as part of his bedtime routine.
Good luck.
Drop it for now, and please, please know that this is very common. You've done nothing wrong. You may well have got lucky the first time. I tried a number of times with my daughter and it always failed, she just wasn't ready.
My girl was well over 3 before she was even interested in TT, she actually had a close friend at family day care who was starting to wear undies full-time too, one day it just clicked, she decided she didn't want to wear nappies AT ALL, day or night, and that was it. One or two accidents and that was it. Occasionally (1-2 times a year) wets the bed still at age 9, but mostly it's when she's sick or very tired.
The biggest thing is don't force it. He's been through a lot recently, lots of things have changed and he may be craving routine and feeling safe. Back right off, forget ELC for now. Find a care centre or FDC that doesn't have any TT criteria if you MUST have him in care. Sometimes kids seeing their peers learning to use the toilet is helpful too so being around kids his age who are in various stages of TT might help him.
Stop, and try again in a few months.
I found that completely having a chilled attitude toward TT helped with my three kids. We never ever have disciplined them for not going or having an accident. If they accidentally pee, it's always, oh never mind let's clean it up and we never make a big deal about it.
Take the pressure off him and yourselves and just forget about it for a little while. It's such a small thing in the grand scheme of life if you wait a few short months.