I will try to make this really very short. I’ve been with my partner for 10.5 years, have two kids. His struggled with alcoholism all his life, it became so bad, that I thought my only choice for him to wake up was to take the girls and move out. Still after the fact drawn back to him because after all he was my person and the love of my life. Despite everything. Over last weekend we slept together and I stayed over there kissed him goodbye had a cuddled.... his last msg to me was Thursday night saying “night beautiful” the next day (after taking our daughter to the eye hospital for a check up) and not getting a response back from messages, I went to check up on him..... I found him naked in bed with another chick (I actually knew her too) the whole events leading up to me walking in the house, seeing him laying there thinking he was by himself and that relief... but then that shattering moment when I saw her trying to hide under the sheets. Obviously I went mental. Nice big plate of cocaine next to the bed, which I threw against the wall..Now it’s coming to the point where this is more becoming a vent then a question. I really just want to know... how do I actually come back from this? My hearts completely shattered, I know that it’s the end... and it’s taken everything for me not to go back and just hug him, his the father of my children, and he needs so much help, I feel like I’ve failed them and failed him by not trying harder to help...how do you still co parent with someone after all of this, how do I really trust my kids are ok on their weekends? (I don’t want to be that mother who keeps them from seeing their dad) they love him, and he loves them. I have tried really hard to keep my shit together the last few days, wearing my sunglasses to cover up my ugly crying face from my girls, just a silent cry all day, and when my kids aren’t around it’s just this massive sobbing, I’ve had my heart broken many many many years ago.... but nothing like this, I feel like I’m actually dieing inside. I know in time it will get better, but right now my heart hurts so bad. For me, for my girls our family, and for him too. I actually feel bad for him?! Like sad for him, I’m not even mad! Is there something wrong with me feeling like that?
3 Replies
You need lots of counselling and you need to start seeing your ex as a person who makes terrible choices and not as a victim.
There is nothing you could have done to save your ex, absolutely nothing. It will take you a long time to really understand that. You staying wouldn’t have helped (because what he did that last day was most likely happening while you were still with him).
When I left I felt like such an idiot for not seeing what was truly happening much sooner. It’s because our brains can’t possibly imagine how horrible a person can be (because we are good people) so we explain things away and twist it to make them the victim.
I’d seek legal advice but personally I’d want supervised visitation to start with.
Hun he's an alcoholic and you saw him with a big plate of cocaine, you don't trust your kids are ok with him!
Supervised visits. Do it from the start. He pays. He gets no trust. That image should propel you forward in the right direction from here. Drop his shitty ass and make him turn around and work hard and do it properly for the kids do not keep helping him along it will bite you.
Ok you need to hear this....
1.. this isn’t your fault.
2. It’s probably happened before this, you prob never caught them.
3. You need to fix you, for the sake of you girls, you need to show them what you deserve and how to stand up and walk away from something that isn’t good for you.
4. There will be happiness on the other side of this, for you there is better things ahead. Baby steps, one day at a time.
5. Do not feel sorry for him.
6. Don’t think about the what if’s and what you could have done. There is nothing more you could have done.
7. Join a gym, go for big walks and get all the pain and hurt out. Exercise is fantastic.
8. Don’t go back, look ahead to a bright happy future,it will happen.
9. You deserve better
10. If you aren’t comfortable having your daughters go there over night, then don’t. You have every reason to feel this way.! Do. Not feel guilty. if he wants to see them, allow a few hours each day/ half days on a weekend until you feel comfortable.
11. Do absolutely what is right and in the best interest of your girls and yourself.
12. Close the book, don’t keep thinking of the past and what ifs. Turn the page now and create a new chapter. It will have a much happier ending, when you let it all go and make room for it.
13.. Dont ever settle for less then you deserve.!! You are worthy, you are amazing and your girls deserve a future of happiness with you. Don’t look back. Seek professional help to move forward and enjoy your new life. There is so much more out there waiting for you. Best of luck! he isn’t worth it.