After some advice on bedrooms with a big family.
I have a 18 year old male, 16 year old male, 13 year old male and 11 year old female plus my husband and I.
18 year old has always had his own room and will not share anything with anyone, 16 year old has had his own room and the two youngest have shared a room for years but now that miss 11 is starting to mature she needs her own room, I recently changed rooms so she had her own room and the 16 and 13 year old males share.
I’m constantly being attacked by the oldest boys for changing over the rooms and they feel it’s unfair for miss 11 to get her own room.
I’m at a loss on how to make everyone happy?
We own the house so moving is not a option.
I’m at the stage I feel like giving one of the kids our room and sleeping on the couch..
Big family with no room.
Big family with no room.
Posted in:
Kids
16 Replies
Turn a lounge into a bedroom? Fold out couch so during the day it’s presentable. TVs in bedroom so come night time it’s their own space.
I don’t think it’s fair to expect kids of that age of any gender to share a room. They need their privacy and it’s a crucial time in their lives.
Otherwise, an old caravan out the back for the eldest to have his own space?
Dining room? Caravan in the backyard for 18 year old.
Garage that can be converted to an extra bedroom.
If you give up your room, you will be giving up your sex life! Or you can remind your kids to get over themselves cause they will be more scarred by walking in on you bonking in the lounge room one night.
Any chance the 18 year old can be encouraged to leave home?
From age 11 to 15 I had to share a room with my 5 year younger brother. Puberty is hard enough as it is, let alone when you're sharing your living space with a sibling of the opposite gender. I cannot stress how much she needs her own space from now on.
You're the parents and presumably the ones who are paying the bills - you should not have to sacrifice your bed room or be subjected to abuse as you say because the kids refuse to compromise.
Mr 13 and 16 will adjust, logistically it makes most sense for them to share now and you know what, sharing bedrooms is pretty much just a given in big families. Maybe they need to be reminded that they're lucky to have the space they do.
A friend of mine has 5 kids in a very small 3 bedroom house, another has 8 kids in a 4 bedroom house.
If I were you, I wouldn't even consider rearranging things until the older 2 who are giving you grief can be a little more respectful
Theres four of us in a two bed unit. My husband and I share a tokm and my 19 yo daughter she 15 yo son share a room. Both have their own beds its always been tradition in my family that sharing is what is in since we only have two rooms.
No reason why 18 and 16 year kids can't share.
If your 18 yo doesn't want to share, well since hes an adult now he can get his own place. Or if he wants his own room he can pay extra for it . I don't think theres anything wrong with your 21yo daughter sharing with your 13 yo son. Its not strange where I come from so I see no problem here. Your kids are gonna have to learn to share if that's all there is.
Its your home so don't give up your own room, thats ludicrous. They need to learn to share or once they are 18 they can find another home if they are really that against it .
Sorry for any spelling errors and auto corrects taking over, I was typing the above without my glasses on.
I definitely think you've done the right thing for now. I'd be telling 18yo to be quiet other wise he will have to find his own place since he is the first in line to ship out.
What you've done is exactly what I would do as well - if your son's need an explanation as to why it is now appropriate that your daughter gets her own room then they need some more education on what puberty is like for females. Also your 18 year old needs a reality check - if he can't share things at this point I hope you aren't paying for them and I'd be reminding him that as an adult if he can't work with the family to achieve what is best for everyone in the circumstances then he can find somewhere else to live......that's what would be happening in my house anyway.
Get a caravan for 18 year old or 16 year old. I did this when I was a teen.
Where the hell do they get off being rude to you about how you allocate the bedrooms in YOUR house. They don’t pay the mortgage or the bills. I’m sorry but in this house it wouldn’t be a discussion point. I pay the rent and bills and I allocate your bedrooms. It’s not a motel!
If I heard another word on the issue I’d be handing out punishment.
Wow really no need, I have teenagers too and I would never make them feel like this is not their home or that they can't speak up if they aren't happy about something. It's a healthy thing to learn to do especially as they will soon to be on their own in the real world. I was brought up in a "do as your told no whinging house" and guess what, I'm now 40 spent 12 years in a horrible abusive relationship because I couldn't stand up for myself and I am never able to climb the ladder at work because I don't have leadership skills.
Your situation seems a lot deeper and involved multiple issues than just being told you had to share a room as an 18 yo. Its hardly the same as shutting up and accepting your abusive parents as you seemed to have grown up with and im sorry for that. Different commenter here.
No, this attitude is exactly what I'm referring to that leads to adults that are too scared to make decisions, it's controlling and demeaning. It's not sharing a room that I'm referring to, it's telling your kids that it's not their home and punishing for speaking up. Apply that to every situation there is and your kids will learn very quickly just to be happy with what they have no matter how bad it is and they will never learn to speak up.
Yeah, I wouldn’t pull the my house, my rules.
It’s the whole families house, everyone should have their say.
On another note, I couldn’t imagine sharing a room as a teen.
What a bout a granny flat for you and your husband out the back? Bad luck they have to share or move out.
The boys are all old enough to have been through sex Ed classes at school, and hopefully learnt something about what girls go through during puberty. Maybe sit them down and explain female puberty to them in detail, then ask them if they think it is appropriate for their sister to be sharing a room with one of her older brothers.
Is the master bedroom bigger than all other rooms? Do you need that much space for yourself? Could you consider putting the children who have to share in the master bedroom so they have more space. Maybe put up a divider so they have sort of a separate space each. I have been researching ceiling mounted curtain rails (like hospitals) so that they can have a degree of privacy. This is something we are pondering for our bedroom sharers now they are getting older. While it doesn't fix the sharing issue it might be an option.
You can then move in to their slightly smaller room so you are not sleeping on the couch.