My 3yo has gone away for the weekend with his Nan who he is really close to. I have called a couple of timed and he barely wants to speak to me. And my mum has said that he hasn’t really missed me or ask about me or anything. I feel like maybe we don’t have a close of a bond as I thought as he doesn’t really care that I’m not around. Is it normal for this age? Is he having too much fun? Or am I actually doing something wrong?
13 Replies
This is normal for this age.
Nothing wrong! This is normal, so is the opposite. Some kids are clingy and others aren't.
Totally normal!
I didn’t talk to my parents for an entire week once. My mum was crushed.
You do have the incredible bond with him and doing nothing wrong. But at the moment he’s having a great time away. It’s perfectly normal and be happy that he’s away like this rather than inconsolable.
I know you feel upset that he's not desperately missing you but take the positives. He's happy with his Nan. He loves her, trusts her and it's a great relationship to encourage. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you. You're his Mumma and he loves you. My kids don't think twice about me when they're with their grandparents and I'm glad they feel they have somewhere to go and someone trustworthy to talk to if I'm not around. Don't doubt your bond with him, he loves you.
This!!
I used to be like this, but try looking at it the other way - hes probably having so much fun and that's what you want! When I leave my kids with my mum even for a few days, they cry and whinge when I pick them up. They get away with everything there, they can eat whatever they want. I like knowing that when I've gone off to do something fun, the kids dont feel like theyve been dumped somewhere they're so excited to be where they are and I feel way less guilty! Honestly they prefer my mum to me but shes the fun one and im raising them to be functional humans so they have rules and they'll come to realise the difference in time.
Be proud! You have a confident little guy who is secure in his surroundings and his family connections! That’s a win lovely!!
It’s normal he is busy having fun. It’s nothing about you. Your mum also is probably saying that to make you feel better about it.
I'd be happy that he is comfortable around his grandparents house. He isn't asking for you because he's having a fun time. I wouldn't worry or stressed.
The alternative is he screams every time you leave and has anxiety.
It's a weekend and you've already called a couple of times, we can see who has the separation anxiety here mumma bear.
Give yourself a break.
Call if you must, talk to your mum and ask how he's doing. When you get the 3 year old on the phone a simple " Hi bub, hope you're having lots of fun, I love you and will see you Sunday".
Then do you.
All those things you normally can't.
Read a book.
Drink a coffee (while it's still hot).
Cook yourself a really nice dinner.
Watch an R or M rated movie.
Have a luxurious bath. You know the ones, with the oil or the milk and the rose petals and the candles and the glass of bubbles.
Listen to that explicit song you like but never put on.
Buy one of the adult colouring books.
Call one of your friends.
This is a good thing!
My 4 year old went to nz with my husband to see his family. She had never been away from me for more then 2 nights(in hospital with her baby brother). I tried to face time and talk to her multiple times. She didn’t want a bar of me lol. This is a girl who has co slept with me her whole life. She was the same kid when she got home. She was just having far too much fun.
You sound like a great mum. Kids are funny creatures, and no matter what they do, they make us question our parenting. If he were clingy and miserable, you’d be worrying that you shouldn’t have left him, but he is happy and having fun so instead you are questioning if you are close. It never goes away, teenagers are the hardest, but it is infinitely better worrying about a happy, well adjusted kid, than a miserable dependant one.
Our whole job as parents is to get our kids ready to face the world without us, your little man might be a long way from that, but it sounds like you are off to a great start. Having strong relationships, outside of you, that make him feel safe and happy, is a wonderful safety net for him in life. And one that will actually give you peace of mind - eventually.
Enjoy your weekend x