Long story trying to cut short my partner has 3 children with his ex. Their separation in 2018 turned nasty and as of 2019 he has not been able to see or speak with his 12 year old daughter. He has the older 2 children full time. The 2 that live with him see and speak with their Mum whenever they want to. The mother began a new relationship early 2019, by March that year the new man moved in with her. Several months later my Partner has all contact to his daughter cut off. The mother got engaged to her new partner at the end of 2019. Many things have been put up on social media of photos of the 12 year old and the new fiancé. Not long after that a Facebook account was created for the 12 year old with the surname of the man who will eventually be her step father. Still no contact with her Dad and Family Court process has begun. The Facebook account for the child had a profile picture of her and the mothers fiancé. The mother frequently comments on pictures (she herself posts on her own social media) about the child’s love for this man. Recently a new profile picture is added on the child’s account of the 12 year old girl and the mothers fiancé in a massive hug. My partner is blocked from the Facebook profile and the child has not accepted any friend requests by his side of the family.
I’m looking for opinions on whether anyone thinks it is normal for an 12 year old girl to post images of herself and a future step father or could it be the Mother that is doing it?
We suspect there has been a fair level of manipulation in the daughter no longer seeing her Dad or being able to speak to him.
Opinions? Future Stepfather
Opinions? Future Stepfather
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour, Kids
10 Replies
This is parental alienation and yes, the mother would likely be behind it. He is very lucky he has the other 2 in his care and she was not able to brainwash them too. All he can do is try and tell her he loves her, include her in everything even though she won't go or answer the phone, just try and always have a record of attempts of contact. She most likely does not like him at all right now so he will be rejected but one day she may wake up to her mother's influence and he needs to be able to say, "hang on, I have always loved you and have always tried to be part of your life" and have proof to show. I hope that day comes soon. Ignore the fb account as it's not reality, that poor girl is in for a rollercoaster of emotions in the next few years.
You know for sure it’s parental Alienation do you? How about we hear the mums side before we start throwing around these terms. One of my children refuses to acknowledge his father, despite every effort from his siblings and I. Nothing to do with me. Maybe consider there has been a break down in the relationship for other reasons.
The breakdown in the relationship is definitely as a result of a series of events but particularly the child being exposed to extreme negative comments about her father. There is a lot to the story, so it is difficult to give the full picture but children don’t “usually” refuse any parent participation for no reason. Dad is a loving father. We have evidence that mum has been negative about Dad to the other two kids (resulting in them now living with him). Mum has even told the kids there has been family violence but there has never been from his part.
It is parental alienation as Dad was blocked via phone and social media when daughter had no idea how to block people.
Yep, I know for sure as I myself have been through it. This is classic PA. Educate yourself.
I do. Shes 12 and her siblings live with her dad but she has no relationship with him, yes I think she's a mess of issues over that and she will be getting some kind of fatherly bond from the new partner and that's fine and good for her, however that will never take away the pain and issues from the relationship issues with dad and siblings.
He needs to get onto sorting out custody and establishing his contact with her asap.
He’s trying and awaiting the next family court hearing
I would try not to focus on this guy. You will probably need to be positive and supportive about him if she is. Focus on his own relationship. He could send a card for her when the other kids go there. He could post mail to her address. Send something from a company and it would get opened. He can tell her later it's from him.
It’s not about him. Don’t let him distract you... also member that pics can be staged, the reality behind them can be opposite!
Keep your focus on your family court case
Totally normal for a 12 year old girl to post photos of the ones she loves, especially her step father.
Weird that Mum does not have custody of other kids but has her full time, why were the kids separated? Definitely a big part of the story missing.
Weird that cards, messages, gifts etc have not been giving to other kids to take to daughter during this time.
I have 10 and 12 year old daughters... they do not want to hang out with their Dad... they also don’t want to hang with Mum!!! It’s all about hanging with friends, you tube and tik tok!!!
Dad never calls, never requests visits, never sends birthday wishes or cards... but his social media is all about ‘wishing I could just talk to my kids’. His family have called over the years and said can he just see them, I say yes I have never stopped him... he still doesn’t make contact and doesn’t return kids calls.
Sometimes, things are not as they ‘appear’.
The two others who are older have chosen to live with Dad. There is a lot to the story. The older children have been told horrible untrue things about Dad and as a result (at separate times) chose to remain with him full time. We are relatively sure the youngest may have also heard these awful things (perhaps not directly but certainly within earshot). Gifts have been given and cards sent. The only response to this has been from Mum through the kids which has been negative. Dad has tried contacting her by social media and phone but is blocked.