Our 18 year old son has started dating a 15 year old girl. This girl was previously involved with another guy and now this guy was threatening our son and told him he was going to bash him and smash up his car etc. as he believes this girl still belongs to him. Our son has stupidly met up with him one night (as this guy has been harassing him and txting him) and this guy has king hit our son from behind in the back of the head. Our son is ok but we are beyond ourselves as we don’t want the relationship to continue. It’s seems this girl comes with a lot of baggage and we are not happy about her age. We were lied to and told she was 16 turning 17. Our son is very stubborn and we can’t seem to get him to listen to us - about both age and all the dramas that seem to follow. Any advice would be appreciated. TIA.
11 Replies
Sadly, I think you are going to have to let him learn from natural consequences on this one.
You’ve talked to him. I assume he knows the laws in regards to sex with a 15 year old?
As hard as it is, if he is going to do stupid stuff at this age, it’s your job to give him your opinion and then let him face the consequences of his actions.
Part of becoming an adult sometimes means learning your lessons the hard way - sounds like this is one of those times for your son.
I'm also not sure why you felt the need to include skin colour?
Has the post been edited? I didn’t read anything about skin colour?
Yes it’s been edited.
OP I’d probably remove the reference to skin colour.
You are going to get slammed for that instead of having your question answered.
Skin colour has absolutely no relevance to this question
Firstly, it's not the girls fault that her ex is possessive, so she can't be blamed for the "drama" that is following her. Have police been involved? I think they both will need to make reports if they want this guy to leave them alone.
Age is a bit tricky because even though she is not of legal age, the police will do nothing and if they do charge, the judge will do nothing and will probably say the police have wasted courts time. I knew of a 14 year old girl who fell pregnant to a 19 year old, he was charged but the judge threw it out of court.
I think you need to let this play out and let him learn the hard way, there's really nothing you can do.
You're trying to make his choices for him but you need to know 1. He knows what this girl is. 2. He knows what kind her ex is. 3. He went to fight him so he's running the same type as this. This is why he's fine with dating her. If he thought it was gross/ troublesome he would leave.
So my advice is to work on that as a whole. What does he do with his life? Does he work? Study? Have goals? Income? Something to lose. I wouldn't be happy about her age but again it's not about you. Has his dad spoken to him properly about what he's at risk of 'dating' someone under the legal age of consent?
Be very careful my husband was dating a 15 year old at 18 and obviously they had sex the parents found out and had him charged now he is on the sex offenders register for 15 years
That will stay with him for life I don’t want another poor young man to end up in the same situation as my husband maybe show this to your son
It’s not the young girls fault her ex is a violent nut job. You never know, that’s probably why she left him and they’re no longer together.
All you can do I support your son and the relationship he chooses to be in. The more you try and tell him he can’t see this girl the more he’ll defy you and your husband and you’ll just be pushing him away and despise you.
Get an AVO out on the ex therefore he can’t go anywhere near your son and if he does he’ll get charged
Well, the 15 year old is not to blame for the actions of the ex. You need some kind of restraining order there.
Also, your son is 18. Who are you to tell him who he should and shouldn't be dating?
Yes, they are likely having sex. No, its probably not legal to be doing so but it's no worse than the things I did at 15, even younger. It's not likely any charges etc would come of it if she is consenting.
Unfortunately being a parent sometimes simply means picking up the pieces at the end
From a mum who has and is still going through this.
Please tell your son to stop now.
Ages a different but my child was dating a girl whit lots of issues and she was younger than him by 2 years. I allowed him to continue seeing her but now wish I had put my foot down and stopped it.
She has made his life hell and it continues. Not just at school but on social media, she has targeted his friends, lies about him to the school teachers. List goes on and on.