I recently got off a cruise ship with my partner and 2 young children (NOT the Ruby Princess) and self-isolated in the 14 days after returning home.
During this time, I decided that we would continue to self-isolate for as long as possible as I am able to work from home and the people that we generally have contact with are still working in the public.
My partner returned to work after our required self-isolation – he works in a warehouse with minimal human contact and is washing his hands and practicing social-distancing. He is also sleeping in the spare room and using the spare bathroom for the time being to ensure nothing is brought home and spread to us.
This is a routine that we can all easily manage however there are a few complications: my mum is very very close with my daughters and they are all struggling not being able to cuddle or stay at Grandma’s house, and my daughters’ biological father also wants to see them as regularly as he normally would (every 2nd weekend before all this started).
My primary concern is that my ex commutes to Sydney via train every day for work and has terrible hygiene habits on a good day so handwashing etc would not be something he would be doing regularly! When I mentioned my current partner was wearing a mask to work, my ex responded “masks won’t do anything”.
I offered he come and see the girls without actually cuddling or taking them with him, just like other relatives have done, but he doesn’t see the point in that.
I am certainly not trying to keep my daughters from seeing their father but I feel we’ve been in a type of bubble the past few weeks and whilst I’m not paranoid about the virus, I just don’t see the point of exposing ourselves to it if it isn’t absolutely essential.
In saying that, I don’t think it’s completely fair to not let them visit anyone for possibly 6 months (this includes seeing the father and being babysit by my parents while I work from home).
I really am trying to do the best thing by my children – any advice or insight would be muchly appreciated!
12 Replies
Grandma is an easy one. Sorry but grandma and the kids will have to wait.
Dad is much harder. I mean the government has said that family should maintain custody arrangements as they were before but many families are renegotiating to keep the kids safe as possible during this time. If you think you can get him to FaceTime the kids instead without causing world war 3 in the courts then that’s a good plan.
Limiting outside contact is paramount right now . As the poster above suggested , face time and video calls are the closest and safest way to stay in touch. And you need to stick to your guns on this if he continues blowing off the potential severity of this pandemic.
Ps. Your ex is correct. Masks won’t do anything. The surgical (flat rectangle ones) protect others from YOU. only n95 masks protect you, they are in short supply and should only be used by people properly fitted ie Heath care workers
Family agreements should still be upheld. I’m sorry but grandma is a no, she’s vulnerable. Would u be on here saying the same thug about keeping the other parent from their child if it was him with primary custody?
So a mask will protect their kids from their dad with poor hygiene.
Ah no. If they are not sick, it helps nobody
I’m sorry but I think it’s cruel of you to not allow their father their usually scheduled visits. He is the parent too not just you so you don’t get to say they can’t go or he can’t hug them because you are isolating. Not only did he not see them for the full length of the cruise and then your designated 14 isolation period now you expect him to not have his normal fortnightly visitation too?
The first two replies to this post alarm me! Children are in the lowest risk group for COVID19 so while I understand your wanting to protect your family, unless there are underlying health issues or someone in the household is immunocompromised then their father is an essential part of their lives and I’m a bit lost as to why you don’t view visitation with their Dad as essential. The kids need as much normality as possible at this time. The fear and uncertainty they are experiencing with COVID19 is compounded further by withholding them from their Dad. He is an essential in their lives!
At the start, you stated you went on a cruise and have self isolated. There have been warnings for months, and you still went on a cruise.
Your children need to see their father. It’s not fair on them and it looks like you have a double standard- you can holiday, but he can’t see HIS children.
If your children are old enough, arm them with all the information and hand wash and let them go.
Unfortunately this could go on for a long time and the laws have stated that visitation is as normal.
You weren't very concerned when you took them on a cruise ship, they would have been at a very high risk then. Funny how you completely changed your view upon returning, just changing things to suit yourself. Did your ex get a say in whether his kids went on the cruise?
Wow. Some of the comments here and on fb are a bit harsh....
That said -
Unless you are living in one of the "hotspot" areas I think you should relax your rules enough that the kids have time with your ex. But def continue to protect the older generation with social distancing measures.
I think you have your answer here, as much as it would be nice to keep everyone in a bubble you can’t withhold contact with children’s father if he wants to see them. How would you feel if he was keeping them away from you for moths!! It is far worse for your kids to stop them seeing their dad than the very tiny risk of covid at this point. It is also illegal and the govt has mandated that care arrangements are as normal. This is not your decision and you need to let them see their dad. If your mum is over 70 you should stay away for the time being - for HER benefit. We are doing incredibly well in Aust with the practices we have in place so I think you can relax a bit now
I have stopped my ex seeing his daughter for many reasons and it was a long time coming. But one of the reasons I stopped is because of this pandemic. He does not communicate, so i have no idea who she is in contact with and if anyone is practicing social distancing.
So I completely understand where you are coming from.
You have every right to protect your children.
Grandma should definitely stay away, her age is the only reason for this, it puts her at more risk. We are video calling all grandparents.
If their father isn't going to communicate, practice good hygiene and social distancing then it's a good idea to keep them apart. Let them have phone calls everyday or video calls. The offer for him to come around was also good. Just get him to wash his hands upon entry and it should be fine.