Poor mothering skills

Anonymous

Poor mothering skills

Hey everyone.
Does anyone else feel like they aren't a good mum and that their children would be better off in someone else's care?

I love my children with all that I have, they are educated, fed, clothed and don't really want for anything.

I have 3 children. My oldest is almost 18.
My youngest I raise solo.
They are all well mannered and mostly well behaved children.

I also have rules and boundaries at home which others may deem over the top. I don't hit my children but have been known the raise my voice on occasion. I don't do this as often as I used to.

But I am a quiet person in general, socially a bit awkward, I don't talk alot with the kids. There is conversation but not as much as I feel there should be. I'm not good at play skills.
I sometimes question if I am somewhere on the spectrum.
I get overwhelmed sometimes and need some time to myself to recharge.

As a single working mum, I spend time catching up on housework though the kids do help with the chores.

On weekends when it's just me and my youngest, I feel so bad for them because I know they are lonely and I don't engage as much I should. I try make a conscious effort to play a game, go for a walk, do an activity but I just feel I am failing them.

A couple of people have actually mentioned that they feel sorry for the youngest cos it's just me and them and they must get bored and lonely.

They have sleepovers to expose them to other people/settings but alot of the time it's just us two on the weekend.

Sometimes I think they would be better off to be raised by someone else because I am failing.
It is such a big responsibility raising a child 100% solo and being in charge of every single decision.

Has anyone felt like this and what did you do?
I want what is best for my children.

Posted in:  Parenthood Guilt

4 Replies

Anonymous

You're doing fucking great.
There's always room for improvement but no, you are not failing.
Maybe try setting an alarm on your phone regularly as a reminder to do something engaging, even if it's making cheap play dough together or taking it in turns picking songs for a cleaning playlist.

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Anonymous

People will always say stupid stuff about children they perceive to be only children.
It’s based on there own prejudices and usually not based on fact.
There are very few parents who don’t doubt themselves.
A lot of us don’t enjoy and aren’t good at play, because we are NOT children. Some people are better at different types of play.
I personally find play exhausting and homes with less people in it is always going to be quieter and there is nothing wrong with that.
Your child will be getting plenty of social interaction at school and play dates (normally).

Give yourself a break it sounds like you have this!

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Anonymous

I could have written this myself
I constantly call myself a bad parent.
I am always forgetting stuff such as school assembly.
But just remember your children are loved fed and clothed
Many other children are not loved fed properly or have very little clothes
Your doing a great job

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Anonymous

From what you have said you sound like a great mum who loves and cares about her kids and giving them what you feel is the best. Big tick already!
The thing is some mums tend to always feel like they aren’t doing enough, especially perhaps the more introverted and overthinking mums, like myself. To me you sound introverted, which is never a bad thing. And for introverts, constantly having to engage and play is completely exhausting!! I often feel guilty as I feel that sometimes I should play more but then I remember that I am important too and if I need a few minutes to reset then that’s what I’ll do. Don’t worry about feeling socially awkward either. Our kids have their own personalities and generally innately learn to make friends and be social. Never be ashamed of who you are especially if you are doing your best, which sounds to me that you are.

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