Hi Ladies,
Really need some advice, I’m not sure why I feel this way but I need a way to either deal with it on my own or either have my partner help me.
So my partner and I both have two daughters to our previous marriages, they are both in grade 2 and Prep. Everything for the past few years has been good. We see eye to eye on a lot of things and the blended family thing works 95% of the time. We have a 4 month old baby boy together. So my issue is when his daughters come home, every 4 days per fortnight and week on week off school holidays. They are completely obsessed with our little boy. Constantly wanting to hold him, kiss him and are always in his face. They ask to hold him more than 10 times a day. The oldest says every day without a doubt that he is hers and her baby only, both my partner correct her and say he is your baby brother, all your baby brother. My two daughters aren’t like this at all, they do spend an extra 3 days with us but now that covid 19 has happened they are spending the exact amount of time here. My daughters ask to hold him maybe once a day and are happy to play around him and are never in his face. I love that his sisters love him but it’s honestly too much. The list goes on, oldest step daughter wanted to put him in her bag to take back to her mums house, when I’m holding him they ask their dad and not me. I have a good relationship with them but I feel they just don’t see me as a parent. I never want to replace their mum at all. I just need to vent and some information would nice. Thank you
how can I overcome stepdaughters being too much in my face and always competing.
how can I overcome stepdaughters being too much in my face and always competing.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
15 Replies
Give it time. It’s still new for them.
I’d implement a new rule; if it’s about the baby ask the mum before asking dad. And get dad to back you up. Maybe include them other ways as well, like helping run a bath, helping with tummy time etc
It's still a novelty at this stage and because they don't have baby brother around all the time it's a big excitement.
I think it's definitely okay to put some boundaries in place though - I have a real thing about little kids touching babies on the face and getting right up in their faces. It's a hygiene issue for the main part (especially under current circumstances) and babies generally don't like it.
So it may be helpful to explain to them that the baby isn't a toy, he's not just something else they can play with - he's a little person with feelings and he doesn't like being poked and prodded or having his personal space invaded constantly.
I'd designate a few times of day that suit you for "cuddle time", mid morning, mid afternoon and before bed as an example. That way you don't have to feel horrible saying no all the time but you can redirect it to "yes but we must wait til cuddle time".
I think I'd I still a family rule that only mum and dad are allowed to pick the baby up and baby's sleeping space is completely off limits.
I also agree that getting them involved when possible will be helpful.
Maybe if finances permit you could also invest in one of those re born dolls (the ones that are quite lifelike). Then they can have their own baby without accidentally bringing harm to the real baby.
I think you also definitely need to get on the same page as dad, if you show a united front they will start to respect your parental authority.
I always found babies love little people, more than adults....
How beautiful that they love their half sibling instead of seeing him as competition.
Agree it's beautiful but no need to add the half bit. He is just their sibling.
Why not add the half bit? They are half siblings
Spoken like someone who doesn’t have a blended family. My children are my children. Never even rated a mention they are “half”. Not from me, not from their fathers and not from them either.
I’m the same. All my kids are siblings. Not half, not step (as I have step children as well) all just siblings ❣️
For technicality purposes I also have ‘half’ siblings - 6 in fact. Plus 2 full blooded siblings. Not once in my life have I ever called them my half siblings and always feel a little upset when people define them that way. To me they are my siblings regardless of having a different biological parent to me.
I do understand, and OP I hope you do as well, that some people (like the commenter) don’t mean to be offensive by calling them half siblings. It’s just the way some people define them to make it easier to understand when writing about siblings and perhaps how they were brought up within their own families.
Her heading has step daughters in it, don’t think the OP cares.
Exactly. Pointless argument going on here...
So this was my comment. I gave 5 step siblings and i generally just refer to them as my brothers and sisters. But, I've seen a few friends have kids in a second marriage and the kids from the first marriage are jealous of the baby for getting mum/dad all of the time while they're dealing with a separated family and feeling replaced. So yes, half sibling was relevant to include because I think it's great that these children are loving unconditionally and not feeling like that.
I’m the poster, o don’t care whether anyone else calls their step kids step, half or what have you. That’s not my issue. Comments about my actual issue would be helpful, not reading about people arguing whether you call your siblings half or not geesh!
Still a new baby... it'll wear off soon.
It will wear off they are just excited. Sit them down and talk to them. Explain it to them. Tell them that he loves them very much and you are all adjusting to the new norm and can they just step back a little bit but you know how excited they are. Treat them as if they were your kids and what would you tells you’s if they did the same.
I could have written this! My step children are exactly the same with our daughter they are constantly in her face! We just explain that she us not a toy and needs her own space. We really push hime that whilst she is a baby, she is also a person. It's hard but just constantly remind them.