It can get better

In April 2018 I packed up some boxes, loaded up my kids and moved into a beautiful rental home. I had finally had enough.

I had been with the same man for 21 years. There had been some happy times, but there were many more tough times. During that time I lost touch with a lot of friends, I made a lot of sacrifices and lost my identity. I never thought I was living with domestic abuse though. I knew that things weren’t right but just blamed my husband as being a bit shit. He was not a good dad. We had 3 kids together and he didn’t change a single nappy, he didn’t get up during the night to a crying baby, he didn’t like if the children cried (‘cause he was trying to watch the news/ sport or he was trying to sleep) and he didn’t spend any time with his children if I was not around. I ended up resenting him. As my kids got older they learnt to keep out of his way. I walked on eggshells trying not to annoy him because he would sulk or he would shout. It was easier to leave him alone. This man (and I use this word loosely, this is not what a real man is),never had a nice word to say to his son (our eldest). As soon he arrived home from work he would start telling his son everything he hadn’t done or had done wrong. My 22 year old son now despises his father.
I never had time to myself, I was responsible for raising the children and looking after the house. I gave up my career and couldn’t earn my own money but my husband was earning too much for me to get anything from Centrelink. I don’t know where his money went. We lived very simply, except for the multitude of toys that my children received. I’m sure they were guilt gifts for the lack of parenting by their father. I was often told that my voice was annoying, that I was aggressive (if I dared to stand up for myself), that I was crazy, or stupid. I was called ‘the dragon’ to his mates. He even had a friend call him out when he referred to me as ‘this thing’.
Anyway, when my children started school I was able to head back to work and eventually found full-time work. My husband was spending more and more time away ‘for work’. With weird travel schedules and millions of excuses to not be at home. I was getting more and more lonely, frustrated, disappointed and sad. I started to think about moving on and giving my children a life that was better emotionally. Things got worse and worse. I was discussing my issues via phone and text. I spoke of leaving. He didn’t come home. I found a place, I told him I was going the following weekend. He didn’t come home. I packed, I moved. We left. He didn’t go home.
I am now divorced, I have nothing to my name. I work to pay bills. But my children and I are so happy now. We can relax. We can live.
I know now that we were victims of emotional abuse and my ex husband was a sociopathic narcissist.

At the time leaving felt like the hardest thing in the world to do. Now I am sad that I didn’t do it sooner. For all of you feeling like you are stuck, or you’re scared, or you’re just not sure, know that you can move on. It can get better. Its not the possessions or money that makes us happy.

You are strong.