Trigger warning - sexual abuse

Anonymous

Trigger warning - sexual abuse

12 months ago, a person (male) made allegations against my husband. They alleged that he abused them 15 years ago when they were living with my husband and his now ex-wife.

The allegations shattered us: the ex-wife and my husband's grown children (who lived at home at the time) were 100% behind my husband. I knew deep within me that my husband was innocent. Police were involved and we honestly were reaching a breaking point because the onus was basically on us to prove his innocence. We sought legal advice, which was quite shocking to us because we've never done that before.

In the end the truth came out, as it usually does. The other person just wanted attention, that because my husband re-married and had 2 more children, the other person felt we no longer cared. And just like that, it stopped.

Police didn't proceed with false allegations charges because they felt that the other person's mental health would be a barrier to a conviction. We pieced back together our lives, but it was so hard. It was so hard to watch my husband weep. It was so hard to sit there whilst the lawyer went over in detail what would happen should my husband get arrested etc. They were so clinical about all the steps and wording to use. Like this is the norm. They said that after Royal Commission, the onus has really shifted from 'innocent until proven guilty' and that's just the reality.

So now, i sit and i read about allegations coming out about a school, a priest, a teacher etc. And I HATE myself for thinking 'what if it didn't happen'? How can a few people who make false allegations have such a huge impact on real victims of sexual and physical abuse, waste monumental amount of police resources and get away with it?

No, I am mentally not able to even think about seeking legal actions against this person. They have since moved to a regional area in Victoria, far, far away from us and our little family. But the impact of their bloody selfishness will live with me forever.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Behaviour

5 Replies

Anonymous

I think everyone these days has to take the onus to avoid being in a position where the allegations could be taken seriously. It's a sad world we live in.

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Anonymous

This came from someone who was like a son to my husband and his ex. Holidays, Xmases, birthdays-the works.

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Anonymous

I have been where you are and it has ruining our relationship and my ex partners life forever.

It went all the way to court.... Twice and took almost 4 years of our lives. All because she lies and even though her evidence wasn't credible she ruined this man's life forever and essentially mine and our child's.

So believe me when I say I get it. And boy don't I want to kick and scream and smash stuff for what these false claims do to people's lives and what it does to real victims

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Anonymous

I hear you when you say you want to kick and scream. Currently experiencing something similar. These false claims destroy lives and get people seem to get away with it.
They get away with damaging life’s (some people have even committed suicide) and yet the onus is on the defendant to claim their innocence. It angers me greatly when you see people allege such crimes, simply because they didn’t like how that person had made a new life for themselves or they want to see monetary gain

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Anonymous

I am sorry this has happened to you. It is really hard when people make allegations like this. I have no real advice, only stay strong. It is normal to feel what you are, given the circumstances. Some people can be really cruel and it is devastating that you cannot pursue false allegations against him. I feel this is so wrong, considering the damage the person has caused your husband and family. This damage will be hard to overcome and you will see yourself questioning other cases gang are reported. It is natural given what you have experienced.
I am currently experiencing this with my father, only the accuser is my mother. My father is 80 years old and she has waited over 30 years to do this (they spilt when I was young). There is no evidence to back her up, yet the police involved will not consider the fact my mother is a narcissist and is only doing this to hurt people and gain monetary value from her allegations.
It is awful how people can make such false allegations and it’s even worse when the investigating police can’t see past the allegations. I understand why this has changed, given the amount of historical sex abuse cases that have come to light, but what also needs to change is how the police and courts systems deal with those people who have made damaging and vindictive claims against an innocent party. I feel those who make these life changing and damaging accusations are charged with something, but given that mental health is such a huge area, many will walk away scot free and leave the damaged party to pick up the pieces. I know of men that have actually attempted suicide after such false allegations.
I truly hope you and your family are ok after this ordeal. The impact of this person is something that will take a long time to heal from, especially considering they were seen as family. That makes the hurt even more so.

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