For starters please know I am a very kind hearted woman with strong morals that absolutely adores my husband of 20 years. We are known as a rock solid, madly in love “power” couple to those we know.
Mostly when we were first together I lied to him and fabricated stories about my past relationships and what I had got up to sexually with other men before him. I was terrified of his judgement and for him not to want to be with me if he knew (my past isn’t really that bad) but I was embarrassed and ashamed about it and didn’t want him to know.
This has meant that my husband always believed we had shared many firsts in the bedroom and felt he was on a pedestal which was great for his ego as he is very self conscious and has many insecurities. I wanted so badly for all of my firsts to be with him.
Recently one of the lies come out in the wash and I was exposed. This tore him apart as he felt our whole sex life was a lie. He feels he cannot trust me (this is the only thing I have ever lied about) and has since started questioning me about so many details of my past and what I got up to wanting the TRUTH. I haven’t hesitated in answering his questions as at the moment I feel I would do anything to make this better for him. More lies have been exposed during this process. He is at breaking point and will barely speak to me. He’s been angry, called me names and is now saying he wants to move out. The only thing stopping him is he has nowhere to go and can’t afford it in the interim.
We have had other arguments over the years and he is quite extreme when he is angry then settles over the coming days.
I’m just so scared, petrified even. We have built the most beautiful life together and are otherwise madly in love and very happy. He is my world, my everything.
I also suffer from bi Polar, it’s not an excuse for this but possibly a contributing factor.
Our hearts are shattered right now. It’s such a sad time for us. I know what I have done is terrible.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Please go easy on me I am beyond devastated xx