Long story short. I have been with my partner for 11 years. Last year we got married in a beautiful ceremony. Shortly after my husband started to spend a lot of time at my best mates house. After a little while I confronted him and my friend and asked what was going on. They said nothing. I didn't believe them. Any way Christmas day I had enough and messaged her and she admitted she wanted to be with him and move away together (she has 4 kids with another man). That was it I packed my bag and our 2 kids and their things and left. The next day he said he was sorry and he couldn't stand to lose me, we have been through so much together. He said we will move to where his family is and leave her behind and everything will be alright. So we packed up our house and we moved 1500km away to a different state to his family. Everything was going fine, we got a new house and enrolled our children into school. Then a couple of weeks ago she showed up in town. She uprooted her 4 kids and moved to a town where she knows absolutely no one except for my husband. I found out that he has been talking to her and going and seeing her for long periods of time. I lost it. Packed his bags and kicked him out. He stayed with her the night I kicked him out then he came back with his bags. He said he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me yet he keeps running back to her all the time and talks to her everyday. His bags are still packed at my back door. He won't leave. I know it's not healthy to let him keep staying in the house but I moved 1500km away from all my friends and family and don't have anyone here except for his family. I have had depression in the past and am feeling like I am currently sinking. I am also having trouble finding work in the area which is playing on my mind as this is the first time since I was 14 that I haven't got a job. I don't have any option to move back to where I'm from. My children love living where we are and I don't want to upset them any more then they are. I guess my question is how do I move on? I'm feeling so lost and so lonely. He won't look after the children so I can't even go out by myself to try and make friends.
11 Replies
Next time he's gone change the locks. Don't open the door when he comes back, take him off the lease. If he pushes his way in call the cops.
Have you separated your bank accounts? If not, make one and put money into it.
Before you leave the kids with anyone, have parenting orders in place or there's nothing to stop him taking them.
Talk to his family, do they support you?
Keep looking for work and volunteer for a bit to help offset that feeling of not getting anywhere.
Until you're ready to venture out join online local groups. Even BSS groups and crime alert groups. You can quietly stalk the neighbourhood and you'd be surprised how much you learn about people from their online presence. It can be invaluable later when you meet these people in person out in the community if you already know they're a drama queen, trouble maker, nosey neighbour etc.
You do got this. He's a fucking prick and your mole of a best friend is even more so. I want to punch them both in the c*** for you.
You're better without them both and a damn lot stronger than you think.
Thank you. I'm trying to be strong for my girls.
The strength is there. It's behind a wall of pain so you can't see it but it's there. And it'll be there everytime he tries to weasel his way back. He dragged you across Australia only to do it again, he's a weak individual and you'll always know weak and strong can't work together.
Nope you and the kids deserve better. A happy healthy mum helps happy and healthy kids
Ring your family, ask for a loan to move back, get Centrelink advances, do what you can to leave this man because he won't ever stop hurting you. They are both toxic
He won't let me leave the town let alone the state.
How? Does he threaten you? He can't legally make you stay in the town! The same state, yes. But is he really going to take you to court?
Please seek legal advice. You can get free representation
Move on! He had a second chance don’t give him a third move back to your support network and let him go.
Firstly your "friend" is a piece of shit. If I had been in the same situation and she had rocked up after we moved away, I would have lost it, like put her in hospital lost it. Secondly your husband is a manipulative arsehole. When he's out, change the locks, don't take the sleaze back because he's clearly going to continue doing this. Get assistance from centrelink. Apply for EVERYTHING, even if it's not your ideal job it'll do for the time being to get you on your feet and independent. I'm sorry your having to go through this. People suck sometimes..
This is terrible and they’ve tricked you...not your fault at all.
Please make contact with your family and friends, ask one of them if you and your children could stay with them until you find a job and get a house (far away from your husband) ask someone else if they could store your belongings in a shed. Please talk to someone close they don’t know what’s going on unless you speak up, it’s ok to ask for help.
I would move home to support, change your contact details and don't give them out to him. Get parenting orders in place. He won't look after his children and he is saying he won't let you move when in reality he is seriously bluffing you because he is too busy falling in to your apparent best friends vagina. He will be stuck there and will forget at of you exist. The only reason he remembers is because your there to take him back. Stop the cycle lovely you will feel much better too
She sounds like she's got unhealthy issues to move 1500 kms to a place she is unfamiliar with just to be nearby to a man who says he doesnt want her. (He is a manipulative duck.)
I don't have any advice, I think your husband is trouble.
If you haven't already, reach out to your own support network and keep your options fluid like.
You can always approach an employment agency and ask for pre employment training. I did this and got a job in retail. It's helped my self esteem and cash flow. You can do this. X