Terrible two's or result of exposure to dv?

Anonymous

Terrible two's or result of exposure to dv?

I'm sorry for the long ramble I am just at my whits end.

I have 4 children 6months, 2, 5, and 8. I am a single mum with full custody due to serious dv.

My 2 year old son is full on and I am struggling to know how to handle him. He is always into something or crying. I will leave him alone in my child proof lounge room for literally 3 min while I go to the toilet and he will do things like pull strips of laminate off the wodden furniture or climb up the fly screen door. He constantly gets into my things like face cream. I have child locked the bathroom cabinet and he can still open it, I put in a shelf for my things up high so he can't reach and he opens the counter draws and climbs up to it. I took the knobs off the draws and he went and got a baby toy with a suction cup in the bottom then used this to stick into the draws and open them, then climbed up. I can not child lock the bathroom etc itself because my other children need to access it. He takes plastic toys or cups then will place them just so and slam a dining room chair onto them so they smash and break. He can open baby gates and all child locks. I sware this kid can scale the walls in the hall. I do plenty of activities with him. He has lots of outlets for his creativity and energy. I am home full time and am very hands on mum so he has more than enough attention. I hardly leave him alone for fear he will do something but with 4 kids, one being a buba some times I have to.
What can I do? He is just constantly into something, breaking something or dangerously climbing things. All my furniture is fixed and my house is pretty child proof really but dammmmm he finds something. I thaught perhaps it was an attention seeking behaviour because he gets a reaction out of me so I stopped reacting but it continues. It's like he is not interested in anything that is appropriate for him. I take him to the library story time and sing along, he won't participate. He spends the time going for the power points and trying to lock people out of the door then runns out of the room. All the other children are singing and having a great time.
Back yard we have full swing set, trampoline, cubby house climbing fourt, sandpit balls you name it but he will instead pull out the plants, use bucket to stand on and get into the power box (I have now locked). I literally went inside to make a coffee, all kids were outside playing nicely, the power went out, turns out it was him. I couldn't believe it, I had a heart attack when I went out and saw him. My gates are all chained and padlocked because he escapes. My house doors are always key locked because he escapes. I literally will be hanging the washing on the line and have my back turned to him for a few items and he will be on top of the play equipment in the blink of an eye.
He crys and grizzles all the dam time over everything and nothing. A blade of grass on his foot, his food, his siblings.
He is fussy with food and will throw it if he doesn't want it. All he wants is a dam bottle and I try my best not to just give him one every time he asks but he just won't stop crying. He crys until he vomits. I think the bottle obsession is part of the reason he is bad with food but if I widthold them everyone else aka my other three kids and myself are subjected to screaming and crying for hours until I give in. No food is a substitute for the beloved bottle. No other cup will do.
Anyway, I am at my whits end with him. He is destroying my house and everything in it. I am not in a position to replace everything and I can't realistically child proof any further. He literally pulls up the lino and chips paint off the walls, rips sockets off the walls with his bare hands.
Between the distraction, heart stoppingly dangerous behaviour and constant grizzling I am loosing paitance with him. I do not want to because he really is amazing and so intelligent but dammmm. With my other older two I set the boundaries and they would listen and behave appropriately for the most part.

I will add that he was caught up in some pretty serious domestic violence against me up until the age of 24 months. He was not physically hurt but he was held by his father when he was assaulting me and he kept trying to take him in rages etc. He witnessed me being assaulted and screamed at a lot. He now has no contact with his father. I am scared he is mentally struggling. I am mentally struggling myself and this is not helping. I have no space to breathe let alone think with him always being with me or having to clean up his messes one after another as he goes from tipping a drink out I will be cleaning up that and he will be on the table behind me I get him down then go to rince the cloth and he is in his sisters room ripping her books then I am cleaning up the book and he is in the lounge ripping stuffing out of the couch cushions. I take him out to the park to get his energy out and he just crys and wants to go home.
Help I'm loosing my mind.

Posted in:  Mental Health, Behaviour, Baby & Toddler

6 Replies

Anonymous

It’s time for a referral to a paediatrician. It could be a number of things, it could be a combination. But it’s time for outside help.
I went through this with my son, this is not typical two year old behaviour, and you know, deep down it’s not.
I’d be seeing my GP this week for a referral to a paediatrician and a child psychologist.
It’s ok to ask for help, and look for answers.

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Anonymous

I have spoken to the childrens health nurse but all she did was lecture me about the bottles.
I was thinking he is too young for anyone to be able to do anything at this stage. I will take him in to the gp tho and see what they say.

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Anonymous

Not too young at all. Don’t ask the GP, tell them.

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Anonymous

Definitely not typical 2 year old behaviour. I agree with the above poster, time to see a paediatrician. He is not to young for an assessment.
I do agree with CHN, I'd be getting rid of his bottles, as that would be interfering with his dietary requirements. Yep it will be tough for a week, but he'll eventually get over it.
How is his speech? He sounds like a very intelligent two year old. Look into ASD traits for 2 year olds and see if there is any connections.
Lastly, have you thought about putting him in daycare for a couple of days a week for your own sanity and mental health? It sounds very busy and full on in your house, and you need to remember to look after number one, you! You are doing a wonderful job by the way. Good luck.

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Anonymous

Those maternal health nurses give me the utter shits.
Like the breast feeding nazis.
You poor mum, go to the gp and get the ball rolling for a referral to a paed.
Good luck and congrats for getting out ❤️

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Anonymous

No advice here, but your kid might be the smartest two year old I’ve ever heard of. His problem solving and ingenuity are second to none. He is not afraid of persistence, and of thinking outside the box to overcome challenges. I’m not sure how you nurture that in a less destructive way, but if you find a way, this kid could do great things. Hang in there, I hope you find a positive way to channel this innovative and energetic little human soon! X

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