This may be a bit long & all over the place as I'm not sure where to start or how much to say... but bear with me lol. My son (18) starting dating a girl (also 18) about 4 months ago. My husband does not like her. She lives at home with her mum & neither of them work... just sit on the dole. The Mother cannot work apparently due to drug dealing charges. The gf is not interested in getting a job unless its in her chosen industry (disability support). I don't think she gets Centrelink payments in the meantime. She's very opinionated about everything & likes to cause drama. She will yell out to random people out of the car window or abuse or insult people driving past her house. She has insulted my sons best mate about his car, which he loves & actually bought from my hubby which he painted up in the colour he chose. I have spoken to the gf in the past about all of this & it seems to have calmed down a bit from what I've heard. However my son doesn't hang out with his best mate nearly as much as he used to before this girl. He actually said to me yesterday that his mate doesn't really invite him to car meets any more.
My son works full time. Doesn't earn great money, but it's a job. He has for about a year now. But he's throwing it away! He only still has a job coz the workshop foreman is my hubby's best mate. He's been caught multiple times on his phone texting or on Facebook when he should be working. The foreman went away for a week on holidays & my son basically sat around playing on his phone & did nothing. He's had multiple fake sick days, today included! He was on the verge of losing his job by the end of last year, but they were all having holidays so he was spoken to & told that starting back this year things need to change. He needs to start pulling his weight again & no phones for anyone during work time. He had multiple warnings last year, enough is enough. 2 weeks back & he's already been caught & caught out lying. The foreman has said to me that my son was foreman material mid last year... until he got with his gf.
Technically he still lives at home but spends more time & sleeps more nights at his gf place. He says her mum doesn't charge him anything for staying there. We don't charge him anything either although hubby wants to. He just kind of floats in & out as he pleases. He doesn't do drugs or drink alcohol so that's a plus?! His whole attitude has changed in the last few months since he's been with this girl. Multiple people have said that he's not the quiet, respectful & nice young man that he was. He lies, has an 'I'm all that' attitude & not a care in the world. My hubby is over it & has basically washed his hands of him. I've said to hubby that all we can do now is just sit back & watch & let him make his mistakes. He's basically an adult now. He agrees but he's very worried for him as well as cranky as hell at him. We've spoken to him so many times... I've had conversations with him just the 2 of us... nothing ever changes for long. I'm so sad for him.
There is so much more but this is the bigger stuff. Thanks for reading if u made it this far.
What do I do??
What do I do??
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Dating & Sex, Drugs & Alcohol
10 Replies
There’s not much you can do
You’ve taught him right from wrong now he has to put it into practice
Let him fail and learn
If he loses his job so be it, then maybe he’ll realise having a job is a privilege not a right
He’s technically an adult. All you can do is let him suffer the consequences of his actions and hope he learns from them. If he looses the job he looses the job, make sure you don’t start throwing cash at him when it happens.
Make sure he actually suffers the consequences and don’t solve his problems for him.
Its hard to watch him make shitty decisions but all you can do, is always be his support person while allowing him to find his own feet in the meantime..
Keep having thise conversations with him when he comes to you. But find a balance... not point wasting your breathe and energy each week trying to convince him... but be heard when he is ready to listen or when he does come to you.
Agree with you and others, but also what does he see in this girl? What does he like about what she has to offer? What is on his no list but hes ignoring? What is his line of has to go, does he have one? Ask him. Also look at him in terms of his self esteem, why does he think this is suitable for him, is it all he thinks he's worth? Telling him it's all shit will only make him feel worse. Remind him how great he is. He's a great worker, hes foreman material, he works hard and should have a good home and good things to show for it and to reach goals, hes trustworthy, etc etc (don't say it in a past tense way and don't mention her, let him join his own dots there)
We have boys that age too and I can assure you that they almost all go through this "I'm all that" phase. You can't blame the girl for everything when he is the one acting like this. He is 18 and needs to work the world out for himself. If your husband wants to disown his own child for acting like an arrogant little shit then don't expect your son to want much of a relationship with you in 5 years time and grown up.
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I hope you mean your hubby is feeling done with him in this moment rather than actually wiping his hands of him. 4 months of acting self entitled isn't very long and is a fairly common phase. I don't think you can blame the gf for èverything either.
I'm with hubby on this.
What an entitled little shit.
I would stand your ground. They are likely to change there minds at some point. You can’t uproot on the whim of two immature teens. Let them live with Dad. Give them warning that their decisions have consequences. Tell them your tired of the uphill battle and you look forward to visits.
I think you posted on the wrong question