Should l tell the girlfriend?
After my husband left me l was propositioned by one of his work colleagues. I was flattered and liked him too. Part of me wanted revenge on my cheating husband and so what followed was a series of rendezvous with this man. Problem! He had a girlfriend in England who can't move to Australia for another 18 months. He made me feel like no other man had ever made me feel. The most expensive dinners and brilliant sex ever. He gave me the impression he had been alone for so long he couldn't actually live with anybody again. He asked questions about where l lived and we became great friends. Messaging daily.
He went back to England...yes....saw the girlfriend and then said our friendship had to end and then immediately blocked all contact so l had no right of reply.
Hurt again....yes! Angry....yes! Feel like a high class hooker...yes! BUT l genuinely care and feel for this man even though every red flag is flying!
I want to take revenge. Plus l also feel for his girlfriend. She would be moving across to the other side of the world leaving her children to be with this cheater. I would be devastated if l did that and then found out the man l made that sacrifice for had cheated.
What do l do? Try some way to tell her? Let things run their course? I need (for once) public opinion. I know l won't win him back. But it's not satisfying knowing what a fool this woman is because l am pretty sure l am not the only one he has been with.
I value your opinions ladies. Do l tell her?
Thankyou.
Do l tell his girlfriend he cheated on her with me?
Do l tell his girlfriend he cheated on her with me?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
29 Replies
Just walk away. It’s not going to give you any satisfaction and you will rain hell down on yourself because you knew about her all along.
I’ve been in your shoes. I realise you hurt but you did the wrong thing getting involved. No good was going to come of it. Don’t act like you’re entitled to some sort of justice.
As for her deserving to know - things always have a way of coming out. He’s been here alone for 18+months. I’m sure she’s not stupid.
And if you want a taste of what it’s going to be like once you tell her just wait until this lands on FB. Batten down the hatches.
Yes, tell her. It wasn't some drunken night it sounds like it went on for a while. If she's changing her life so drastically and putting so much on the line then yes she deserves to know.
I think she deserves to know but unless you have some pretty solid evidence the chances of her believing you are pretty slim. Plus he will be in her ear telling her that you are obsessed and crazy.
Don’t do it for revenge. You will never win that game. If you need closure then give that to yourself by journaling and self reflection. Examine what you would do differently.
Let it go. You won't feel better and she won't thank you for it.
You saw the red flags waving, she'd see them too.
If she wants to leave her kids behind and follow this idiot across the world - that's her mistake to make!
Forget revenge, that's juvenile.
Live your life, learn to be content as a single woman, discover your worth. That way, losers like this guy and your ex won't even be a blip on your radar in future.
So hang on, you want to be all smug and tell her that her man cheated with you because according to you , you want revenge and you've called her a fool and you've said how it's not satisfaction enough for you that she is one.
You don't 'feel' for his girlfriend at all, stop lying to yourself and to us.
So because you are hurt and miserable, you think she should feel the same? You only want to tell her so you can have a sick sense of smugness, you don't give a shit about warning her at all for her own good. You're just keen to do this as a punishment.
And high class hooker? Pfft. Honey, if you were high class you'd be raking in $700 an hour from him, not just a few expensive dinners here and there and free sex.
Since you said you need public opinion on this and value those opinions, value this..
You have manipulating intentions and should be seriously thinking about your own conduct and leave that woman alone just to get back at her boyfriend because you have feelings for him. Cut your losses and find someone else. After all, you fucked him in the first place to get back at your own cheating husband. Stop trying to get revenge on people. Your intentions in all this are coming from a place of gleefully seeing others suffer just because you, yourself are angry and bitter of how your life has turned out regarding relationships.
Couldn't have expressed this any better myself!!!
Wtf? You just want revenge and to see another woman get hurt. It pours out of this post. It made me sick reading it. You are just as bad as the guy - you knew he had a girlfriend and what, you couldn't say "no"?
He is 100% wrong in his actions. No questions there at all. But this is about you. Where were YOUR morals? Your conscience? Cheaters always get found out. His turn will come soonenough.
I get it. Hurt people hurt. And you want him and his girlfriend to hurt. You want vengeance.
You actually need to go see your GP, get a mental health plan, go see a counsellor to work through your pain and hurt because you will keep doing this. You will keep repeating these behaviours until you can properly heal to lose people in your life 🤷♀️
I think you're all missing the girlfriends position and only seeing that the OP wants revenge. This woman is about to completely turn her kids lives upside down and her own, for what? A cheating asshole. Wouldn't you all want to know before giving up your kids, job, family and friends to move to the other side of the world? Not to mention the thousands of dollars involved in flights, visas, new house and furniture, new clothes. That's what I'm thinking about. I couldn't give a rats about revenge. This is someone's life that's about to get messed up.
They could have been apart for years and both questioning whether they continue the relationship. You have no idea what was happening. The fact is, upon seeing her again he has made a decision to be with hee and not the poster. This is trying to justify revenge as caring.
I know as much as the post says just like anyone else. But I really couldn't give a toss about the OP's revenge and what she's trying to pass this off as, I'm just putting myself in the girlfriends shoes, something that nobody else here is doing.
To the comment above this one, Yes the girlfriend is going to be hurt, but the character in which this OP wants to destroy her for her own gain cannot be overlooked as she is only thinking of her self satisfaction by telling her. Wake up!! ^^^^
Wow. So you slept with a man in a relationship to get back at someone who cheated on you. So you know the pain to have that happen yet you so easily do it to another woman.
Yes I think you should tell her, she has every right to know. But for you to be so shallow to do this says a lot about you and maybe you need to take time to work on yourself instead of trying to seek revenge and hurt people.
The one who cheats on their partner is 100% at fault but so is the person they are sleeping with when they know that person is in a relationship.
Have more respect for yourself and other women and learn from this.
I’ve been the one being cheated on and I can tell you my morals don’t allow me to sleep with another woman’s partner.
Couldn't agree more. Yes to this.
Same. I was cheated on. It fcking ripped my heart out and tore apart our life. I could never do the same to another person.
Did you know he had a girlfriend in England at any time through out your little romp?
If yes.. you are just as much to blame as he is..you need to grow up, you slept with a man for revenge? Honestly. Stop acting like a child.
Start dealing with the underlying factors your running from like the hurt of your husband leaving you and stop leaving trails of destruction and seeking to ruin life's.
Get on with your life. Get some help. And whatever comes his way will be. Move on. What good or bad will you actually achieve.
Your energy could be much better spent
So I haven't read through all the comments cause my opinionated fingers wouldn't allow me not to frantically type.
Ummm how did that revenge work out for you the first time? Is that not what admittedly landed you in this position where as by you CHOSE to engage with this already taken man. You wanted to seek revenge on your cheating husband? How did that feel to be on thr recieving end of that? Then you willing did that to someone else and put yourself in a position to feel even more hurt and rejected than you already did from you failed marriage. This is all very destructive behaviour and I feel you should put your energies into self healing and working on you!
I feel that you have asked for this advice in hope to be validated (which i know most wont) the fact you have chosen to do this against obviously any moral judgement because it was nice to be wined and dined and the sex was great, despite knowing this man was in a relationship implies you are a selfish person (who can not show empathy to another person you are about to put throught the wotld of hurt tou just yourself been through?). So on saying this i think that you will tell this women anyway to serve your own self purpose. I think you need to take a good hard look at yourself and your choices in the future.
I think the girlfriend should know he is a cheat.
I don’t believe for a second you are wanting to tell her from the goodness of your heart. You were quite willing to be involved with him knowing he had a girlfriend and only feel a sense of morality now he won’t talk to you. This is revenge and nothing more.
Exactly !!!!
When does the revenge stop? You wanted revenge on your ex, now you you want revenge on the guy you used as revenge, next are you going to seek revenge on this poor woman because she is the one your playtoy wants? Move on. Stop with the revenge it gets you nowhere and will only make you "feel good" for a moment.
Honestly it sounds like you need some help.
I think what you did was disgusting, where’s your morals? I would probably tell her. But not for your revenge but because I would want to know if I was cheated on. You are better than that and next time need to make better choices of men.
You need to get some self-respect and stop acting like a hoe to make yourself feel better. You seem so up yourself for someone who is literally acting like trash.
Get some professional help, quick.
My understanding of this "he gave the impression he had been alone for so long" says you didn't know. That said, tell her, but don't do it for revenge. Revenge only hurts others and causes a train wreck of consequences that follow YOU for ages. Revenge affects you more than others.
Tell her solely because she deserves to know, because if you were in her place, you'd want to know.
Forget revenge forever. Revenge is an adolescent urge that most people realise is not worth the effort eventually.
I think she actually meant he wasn't sure about having the girlfriend move in with him. He gave her the impression he couldn't live with anyone anymore. That seems out of place otherwise. Seems like she was making excuses for their relationship. She thought he would leave the girlfriend
Tell her but you must have proof.. this poor woman needs to know!
Given she is loving across the world for him and away from her supports I would tell her.
I doubt you’re the first or the last.
Absolutely not!
You aren’t telling her because you are concerned about her. You’re telling her because he chose her over you. You knew he had a girlfriend and you indulged in an affair anyway. Right there and then you lost any high ground you may have had.
Telling her won’t make you feel better, it won’t make him come back and it won’t protect her. Telling her will hurt her and him and you and if you’re honest that’s exactly what you’re hoping to achieve
The issue is that she did nothing wrong and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt
When you choose to participate in an affair with a person in a relationship you stand a high chance of coming out of it with nothing. Accept that you made a really bad choice, learn from it and move on. Don’t cause more hurt than has already been caused
I see alot of pain coming through on this thread, women who have had their hearts shattered, and are probably taking it out on you, it may be fair, it may not be. End of the day we dont know the details.
But i hope you come to a conclusion that is solely in the best interest for this dude's gf. I have been cheated on a million times, and yes my first thought has always been how do I ditch this deep feeling of pain and betrayal and it had lead to me making choices that wernt great, I just wanted revenge, I wanted to make someone else feel pain the way I felt pain.
It usually went along the lines of finding a guy who was a player and messing with him in anyway I could. I hurt people who didnt deserve it.
Did it make me feel better? Momentarily it did, but in the long run I still felt like shit. The only way you can get revenge, really and heal yourself, is be the better person, learn from your choices and live a rewarding life despite what happened, show the people who have hurt you, that you can move on and be happy. All the best x